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C'mon Hollywood #38

12.30.2004

...my year-end roundup (1/2)!
by Indiana Sev

Six months ago, I started writing these C’mon Hollywood articles because my love for movies had become so deep and fanatical that I felt it my duty to highlight the errs of the industry, while at the same time, making sound suggestions and praising great work being done (it was also solid leverage for me when it became time to ask for a raise -- natch!). As 2004 winds down this week, I thought it might be fun to revisit some of those articles and see how some of my thoughts, ideas and complaints were being addressed...if any. It’s also an opportunity for me to crack wise for one last time this year – yippee!

(click titles to read full articles)

GIMME MORE TIMOTHY HUTTON!!! 

In which I gave a wake-up call to casting agents near and far making them aware of one of the most gifted and underused talents in town. Tim is now starring in one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year: KINSEY. Here’s to hoping there are more KINSEY-quality features in his future and less SECRET WINDOW-ish type tripe. According to the IMDB, he's got at least 4 upcoming projects in the works, so let's cross our fingers...

GIMME MORE HOLLYWOOD BAD BOYS!!! and I FOUND YOUR NEW BAD BOY!!!

With the help of our readers, I sought out a new Hollywood " bad boy" to occupy the throne left vacant by such past legends as Johnny Depp and Mickey Rourke. I was dead wrong in predicting that Aussie actor Heath Ledger was to be that man. Interestingly enough, the runner-up, Macaulay Culkin, ended up raising more hell in ‘04 than Ledger has his entire life (read all about Mac's marijuana and controlled substance arrest here). Unless you count being dumped by Naomi Watts as “bad”, Heath has been a complete saint. In fact, the biggest bad “boy” of 2004 has been Michael Lohan (father of Lindsay), who I disqualified in my column on the grounds that he was not a boy... but a man. I obviously have no idea how to gauge bad boy types so my pick for the 2005 king of badness is commentator Pat O’Brien. My dark horse pick is John Fallon…

CHECK OUT THE TRAILER PARK BOYS!!!

I said my piece and Hollywood came through gangbusters! A few weeks after my article went live, the word on the street was that Canuck producer Ivan Reitman had set the wheels in motion for a movie about my favorite trailer trash hooligans (see IMDB link here). I don’t really know if I had any direct impact and truth be told I don’t really give a rat’s ass. The fact is that I’ve already bought my ticket to Halifax, Nova Scotia to audition for the role of trailer trash punk #6. Cross your fingers and, all together now -- f*ck off Lahey!!

GIMME LEAH REMINI ON THE BIG SCREEN!!!

My plea fell on deaf ears. Remini still has no film credits since OLD SCHOOL in ’03 and no upcoming projects seem to be in the works. This article was a bust but luckily my Jackie Chan article (C’mon Hollywood #10 -- "Put a fork in Chan, he's done!!!") was more of a success. Thankfully, the stuntman has no projects looming either besides the on-again, off-again, sure-to-be generic RUSH HOUR 3. Kevin James is working steady though…

GIMME MORE HOCKEY MOVIES, DAMMIT!!!

What a waste of time this article was! With the NHL’s future darker than Michael Jackson circa 1970, the chances of Hollywood green-lighting a hockey movie at this point is about as likely as Courtney Love being named mother of the year. The real loser in all this has been poor Kurt Russell, his brilliant turn as the late Herb Brooks in MIRACLE has been completely forgotten by the Hollywood award season. By the way, I’m on the owner’s side…

GIMME LESS MURPHY AND MORE SLY!!!

My article was in vain as I’m sad to announce that there will be no Stallone comeback for a long time coming. Sly has unfortunately decided to jump on the reality-TV bandwagon (“The Contender”) just as the craze, along with its ratings are beginning to dip. To make matters worse, Murphy has three projects in the works. Thank God I got that noose for Christmas!

FIND A SUBSTITUTE FOR "555" ALREADY!

In this article, I expressed my anger for always hearing that darn “555” on TV and movies all the time. Well, it seems certain Hollywood types are finding creative, humanitarian ways to change that. The WB’s GILMORE GIRLS revealed a cell phone number (860-294-1986) on their season premiere, which connected curious callers to a donation line for the Johns Hopkins Children's Center in Baltimore. Unfortunately, nobody watches the WB so it was all for naught. Now if only they’d divulge Lauren Graham's # so I could bite her cute little bottom.

Stay tuned to JoBlo.com; part two is coming your way in just a few days…

PREVIOUSLY:

...your X-mas spirit sucks! (December 24, 2004)
...Norm MacDonald = box office gold! (December 15, 2004)
...reunite the Reservoir Dogs cast! (December 8, 2004)
...cancel 'Inside the Actor's Studio'!! (December 3, 2004)
...I give thanks to thee (2/2) (November 26, 2004)
...I give thanks to thee (1/2) (November 24, 2004)
...cast more country singers! (November 17, 2004)
...adapt Howard Stern's Miss America! (November 11, 2004)
...improve your DVDs already! (November 4, 2004)
...show some goddamn respect! (October 29, 2004)

C'mon Hollywood... archives here

Source: Indiana Sev
Tags: Hollywood

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