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Sweet Oscar hangover


To paraphrase an old Alka-Selzer commercial, I can't believe I watched the whole thing. The whole Oscar show from start to finish. Since drinking copious amounts of alcohol is one of the only ways to make it through the entire event, my original plan was to get wasted and do some drunken play-by-play. Unfortunately I'm sick as a dog and instead huddled up on the couch with a box full of Kleenex and a bowl of soup. Not too exciting, I know. But not to be denied the assistance of sweet, sweet alcohol coursing through my veins, I downed a few shots of Ny-Quil and let the delusions begin.

Pretty damn good monologue from Chris Rock. Lots of consistent laughs. Didn't quite fall down clenching my gut but funny enough. I've heard his unedited material absolutely kills. My favorite Rock bit of the night was the piece in the movie theater with Albert Brooks - "WHITE CHICKS? Greatest movie of all time."

Someone please tell me who that woman was up in the Sidney Lumet balcony! Someone please! That was the highlight of my night right there.

RE: The Counting Crows. What the f*ck? I repeat: What. The. F*ck. This guy banged Jennifer Aniston? And was that guy wearing an "I Love Scarlett" shirt in reference to Scarlett Johansson? How about a shirt that says, "I'm a Massive Tool!"

What was with all the banging and clattering and assorted backstage noises. If it weren't for the magic rewinding capabilities of Tivo, I would've sworn it was just my highly-medicated imagination.

Where were all the big time stars last night? No Nicholson, Cruise, Kidman, Spielberg, De Niro, etc. I realize that not everyone has to go every year but it seemed like this year specifically lacked some wattage. Though there was Mickey Rooney. And we got that going for us... which is nice.

I'm with JoBlo. Catalina Sandino Moreno is my new girl. Sophie Okonedo is pretty dang cute too.

I used to find Renee Zellweger pretty hot. Now? Not so much...

When Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz came out I knew I had to call an ambulance in Montreal to perform so CPR on a one JoBlo.

What happened to the clips of the live-action and animated shorts?! I think it's criminal that the viewing public has such a hard time seeing these shorts. I just so happened to catch the animated short GOPHER BROKE on Sunday morning and that definitely should've won. Pixar quality work there.

Was it me or did Annette Bening look particularly paralyzed in the face? I will not speculate as to the cause of said facial tightness and lack of movement.

Remember when Mike Myers used to be really funny? Sigh... the good ole days.

Speaking of - repeat that above sentence but replace Mike Myers with Robin Williams. Someone please stop this man.

Cruella De Ville was on the prowl for any runaway dalmations on the red carpet.

People kinda dog on Kirsten Dunst but I still maintain that when she wants to, she can be pretty hot.

If they're gonna do something like have Pierce Brosnan present an award with Edna Mode from THE INCREDIBLES, they should've gone all the way and had Napoleon Dynamite come out to present an award.

By the way, let me just say this out loud - Jay-Z was at the Oscars.

So was Puff Daddy.

So was Ed Begley, Jr. With a hot chick.

That's a cool move by Jamie Foxx bringing his daughter to the Oscars. Unfortunately I have come to the realization that I will never be that cool to my kids. Then again I can at least tell my kids I was never in BOOTY CALL.

This wasn't his year but eventually Don Cheadle is gonna have to win an Oscar. He's just too good not to.

On the other end of the spectrum, thank God Charlie Kaufman finally won for ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. It's good to see this film was able to escape with at least one major Oscar. (Same goes for SIDEWAYS.)

Man, I really thought Oscar voters would finally throw Marty a bone but, no dice. Luckily they cut away pretty quickly just as he was giving his wife the "you-f*ckin-believe-this-shit?!" look.

I don't know why no one thought of this but Chris Rock should've come out at the very end after Clint accepted the award for MILLION DOLLAR BABY with The Sandman from "Showtime at the Apollo" to sweep everyone off stage. Would've brought the roof down. Then again maybe that's the Ny-Quil talking.

Source: JoBlo.com



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