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Awfully Good: 2 Fast 2 Furious

05.22.2013

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Director: John Singleton
Stars: Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Eva Mendes

Brian O'Conner must reconnect with an old flame in order to take down a drug kingpin and get his life back.

Oh, how far we've come.

To think that this franchise eventually evolved from this movie in to FAST FIVE and FURIOUS SIX is nothing short of a miracle. Turning the focus on to action heist flicks was a brilliant decision, especially when you directly compare the result to the abject silliness of the neon-bathed street racing featured here. ("Look how cool my Nissan is, guys! It blows smoke from its mouth!") You can argue where it fits in to the FAST AND FURIOUS canon in terms of quality, but there is one thing we can all agree on: 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS is definitely the gayest movie in the series.


Invitation...


…accepted!

Granted, there's some measure of inevitable homoeroticism that comes with the head-butting masculinity of racing culture and there were definitely moments between Vin Diesel and Paul Walker in the first film that amusingly walked that line (a quarter mile at a time). But 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS takes it to a whole new level, making it clear that Brian O'Conner and Roman Pearce were at one point absolutely gay lovers. It's equal parts brave and amusing how direct and unsubtle they are about it. The pair spends most of the movie talking abnormally close to each other's face, gazing in to one another's eyes with burning intensity, randomly taking off their shirts and wrestling in ways would that make gay porn stars uncomfortable. The only suspense 2 FAST generates is the fact that the two main characters might start making out at any given moment.

Even the plot sets up the characters to be more like scorned lovers than former friends. When Walker finally gets arrested for the events of the first movie, he enlists the help of his childhood BFF Tyrese to clean his record. Oh, did I say childhood BFF? I meant jilted ex-girlfriend. At first he immediately takes his anger out on Walker by attacking him, wrapping his legs around him and rolling in the sand together. But after rekindling their romance, Tyrese then becomes the most sensitive action star ever by getting angry any time Walker looks at a woman. When he sees him checking out Eva Mendes' posterior, Tyrese gets legitimately mad. And it's not a throwaway joke either. Their argument about Walker's faithfulness carries over to the next scene, where Walker continually denies looking at hot Latin ass. And to that I say, why? What straight man would be ashamed in front of his male friend to admit that he was checking out a beautiful woman? There's definitely something going on between the two of them and if you pay attention during their reunion in the fifth and sixth installments, I think you can still see the spark.


How the producers talked Eva Mendes in to joining the cast.

Unfortunately, the rest of the 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS cast is left stranded in the wake of Walker and Tyrese's sexual chemistry. Poor Eva Mendes probably didn't realize she was signing on to be a beard to the main character. Her undercover cop ends up being a complete joke forced upon the film and her "romance" with Walker is based on the apparent rule that if two attractive people share more than one brief scene together, they have to make out at some point. You also get thankless turns from underrated "that guy" actors like James Remar and Cole Hauser, early Ludacris, and alien princess Devon Aoki. Seriously, Aoki is one of the strangest-looking humans I've ever seen. I know theoretically she's pretty, but every time she turns her head 10° she looks like a different person. (Just check out the poster. They couldn't even Photoshop a good angle for her.)


Seriously, the trash talking in this movie is just embarrassing.

As a racing movie, as opposed to a homoerotic epic, 2 FAST is honestly kind of boring. The obvious use of CGI and green screen for a lot of the driving and stunts takes the fun away. (Going 80 MPH should not look like the Millenium Falcon in Hyperdrive.) The races vary from repetitive ("Bet Walker uses NOS at the very end!") to hilarious ("Let's race a bunch of middle aged guidos!"). Even the final sequence is literally just a car being driven on to a boat; no fight or confrontation—just some "Dukes of Hazzard shit." And the script—which is comprised entirely of variations on the words "yo," "bro," "cuz," and "bruh"—is shockingly bad, even for a movie with two out-of-place 2's in the title. There are conveniences, like the Magic Electricity Gun that can somehow shut down a car, and downright stupid sequences, like the "stare and drive"—where Paul Walker flirts with Eva Mendes by driving on the streets of Miami while staring directly in to her eyes and not looking at the road. It's even more ridiculous because you know he'd rather be locking eyes with Tyrese.

This collection of the film's most homoerotic moments between Paul Walker and Tyrese is so epic that it counts as both the Best Lines and Best Parts video.

The ladies get Tyrese shirtless, while the gentlemen can enjoy a bit of Mendes cleavage.


Now you can be fabulous AND furious! Buy this movie here!

Take a shot or drink every time:
  • Someone says "bro"
Double shot if:
  • Tyrese is "hongry"

Thanks to Al and Andrew for suggesting this week's movie!

Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email or follow him on Twitter and give him an excuse to drink.

CLICK IMAGE TO OPEN GALLERY & SEE MORE PICS...

Extra Tidbit: For more homoerotic Awfully Good flicks, check out Showdown in Little Tokyo, No Retreat No Surrender, Absolution, and Nightmare on Elm Street 2!
Source: JoBlo.com

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9:48PM on 05/22/2013

The only one that was really terrible...

Funny story...

My friend, who attending college at the time, cut class to see this movie because it started about a half hour before he was supposed to be in class. Long story short, he walked out of the movie about 20 minutes in and made it on time to his class.
Funny story...

My friend, who attending college at the time, cut class to see this movie because it started about a half hour before he was supposed to be in class. Long story short, he walked out of the movie about 20 minutes in and made it on time to his class.
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7:16PM on 05/22/2013
By far the worst of the franchise. God awful dialogue, and god awful acting! I'm pretty sure this was the nail in the John singleton coffin! Talk about a director that just fell apart.
By far the worst of the franchise. God awful dialogue, and god awful acting! I'm pretty sure this was the nail in the John singleton coffin! Talk about a director that just fell apart.
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7:07PM on 05/22/2013
This is my least favorite of the bunch. Bad CGI, boring plot, boring villain, too much bro speak, etc
This is my least favorite of the bunch. Bad CGI, boring plot, boring villain, too much bro speak, etc
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5:33PM on 05/22/2013
I used to think this was the weakest one in the series but with the way the movies have become even more fun & over the top, it makes me appreciate this one even more & I don't mean that in a bad way. Sure it has silly dialogue between Walker & Tyrese & a weak villain, but Eva Mendes was looking fine. Plus I wonder how many actually realized John Singleton even directed this movie?

I'd hate to be that guy but this review does seem a bit homophobic in a way?

EDIT - Dear God, take a shot
I used to think this was the weakest one in the series but with the way the movies have become even more fun & over the top, it makes me appreciate this one even more & I don't mean that in a bad way. Sure it has silly dialogue between Walker & Tyrese & a weak villain, but Eva Mendes was looking fine. Plus I wonder how many actually realized John Singleton even directed this movie?

I'd hate to be that guy but this review does seem a bit homophobic in a way?

EDIT - Dear God, take a shot every time bro is said, we would all die of alcohol poisoning LOL
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4:56PM on 05/22/2013

YES!

2 Fast 2 Furious was my favorite Fast film till the last one. Cole Hauser is the best villain the series has had, so far. Everyone in this film is in on what a joke these films are but they don't care which is why it works so well for me. It's not going to win any awards (maybe razzies) but it's a fun popcorn flick that I've enjoyed for a long time.
2 Fast 2 Furious was my favorite Fast film till the last one. Cole Hauser is the best villain the series has had, so far. Everyone in this film is in on what a joke these films are but they don't care which is why it works so well for me. It's not going to win any awards (maybe razzies) but it's a fun popcorn flick that I've enjoyed for a long time.
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4:06PM on 05/22/2013
I tried watching this movie the other night when it was on TV and it is just so bad and unwatchable.
I tried watching this movie the other night when it was on TV and it is just so bad and unwatchable.
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3:22PM on 05/22/2013
HAAARSH!!! I worked on 2 FAST as well as TOKYO DRIFT as a storyboard artist. I had to laugh at the pic of Eva (she was nice as well as fine) with a shotgun to her face. Justin Lin took a poor script but made a hit and then a franchise.
HAAARSH!!! I worked on 2 FAST as well as TOKYO DRIFT as a storyboard artist. I had to laugh at the pic of Eva (she was nice as well as fine) with a shotgun to her face. Justin Lin took a poor script but made a hit and then a franchise.
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3:01PM on 05/22/2013
Hahahaha, I never picked up on the homoerotic themes before. It makes the movie even more ridiculous now thinking back on it. Now that the franchise has gone to number 6, this is by far the worst entry in the entire series. The tone and the characters are so far off from what was established in the first one and what came after it. And aside from the homoerotic themes, Walker's character kinda comes off racist with how much he tries to be "street".
Hahahaha, I never picked up on the homoerotic themes before. It makes the movie even more ridiculous now thinking back on it. Now that the franchise has gone to number 6, this is by far the worst entry in the entire series. The tone and the characters are so far off from what was established in the first one and what came after it. And aside from the homoerotic themes, Walker's character kinda comes off racist with how much he tries to be "street".
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2:55PM on 05/22/2013
Hahahaha, I never picked up on the homoerotic themes before. It makes the movie even more ridiculous now thinking back on it. Now that the franchise has gone to number 6, this is by far the worst entry in the entire series. The tone and the characters are so far off from what was established in the first one and what came after it. And aside from the homoerotic themes, Walker's character kinda comes off racist with how much he tries to be "street".
Hahahaha, I never picked up on the homoerotic themes before. It makes the movie even more ridiculous now thinking back on it. Now that the franchise has gone to number 6, this is by far the worst entry in the entire series. The tone and the characters are so far off from what was established in the first one and what came after it. And aside from the homoerotic themes, Walker's character kinda comes off racist with how much he tries to be "street".
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+3
2:39PM on 05/22/2013
The funniest Awfully Good I've read in a while. This movie sucks ass.
The funniest Awfully Good I've read in a while. This movie sucks ass.
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2:38PM on 05/22/2013

This movie is pure Fromage

But the very best fromage. Haha. With 1 and 5 being the best. 3 comes in after that. I dont understand the hate for Tokyo Drift. It is definitely SOLID. I think people like the soloist shit on it cuz the main cast isnt there. But I remember how pumped everyone was that Han was in fast 4. Fast 5 and 6 cuz of how awesome he was in Tokyo drift. 4 and 2 are definitely the weakest. 2 cuz its so corny but its still ALOT of fun. And 4 because it was too serious and had a shitty CG tunnel race at the
But the very best fromage. Haha. With 1 and 5 being the best. 3 comes in after that. I dont understand the hate for Tokyo Drift. It is definitely SOLID. I think people like the soloist shit on it cuz the main cast isnt there. But I remember how pumped everyone was that Han was in fast 4. Fast 5 and 6 cuz of how awesome he was in Tokyo drift. 4 and 2 are definitely the weakest. 2 cuz its so corny but its still ALOT of fun. And 4 because it was too serious and had a shitty CG tunnel race at the end. But at least 4 reunited the cast. In the end these movies have become a staple of my teens. I was 15 when the first one came out. All together awesome and fun movies. Thumbs down to the soloist.
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2:19PM on 05/22/2013
I own 1, 4 and 5, and I'm a total completist, but I could never bring myself to get this or Tokyo Drift. I filled in the gaps by reading the Wikipedia entries on those two, but man, I'm kind of regretting not watching this now. Maybe on my next bad movie night...
I own 1, 4 and 5, and I'm a total completist, but I could never bring myself to get this or Tokyo Drift. I filled in the gaps by reading the Wikipedia entries on those two, but man, I'm kind of regretting not watching this now. Maybe on my next bad movie night...
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2:04PM on 05/22/2013

NOOOO!!!!!!

I feel like someone just told me there is no Santa Clause!!! I never picked up on the Homoerotic thing, and know I can't stop thinking about it. Of course it's only been about an hour since I read this. But still I can handle never seeing Tokyo Drift again, there is no real lack of continuity if you miss it (I know Han is introduced there, but he is re-intorduced just fine in the beginning of the Fourth one). But this... there would some serious gap in the overall story connections of I
I feel like someone just told me there is no Santa Clause!!! I never picked up on the Homoerotic thing, and know I can't stop thinking about it. Of course it's only been about an hour since I read this. But still I can handle never seeing Tokyo Drift again, there is no real lack of continuity if you miss it (I know Han is introduced there, but he is re-intorduced just fine in the beginning of the Fourth one). But this... there would some serious gap in the overall story connections of I could never watch this one again.
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2:02PM on 05/22/2013

Fast and Furious

I would say Tokyo Drift is by far the worst one as this now follows Fast 6 and it finally has its place in the franchise
I would say Tokyo Drift is by far the worst one as this now follows Fast 6 and it finally has its place in the franchise
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1:41PM on 05/22/2013
A fellow schmoe once pointed out on the strikebacks that it's ironic how John Singleton is the most prolific director to have made a Fast and Furious film...and yet this was the result. I did like Eva Mendes' cameo during the stinger for Fast Five and wouldn't mind if she returns to the franchise though.
A fellow schmoe once pointed out on the strikebacks that it's ironic how John Singleton is the most prolific director to have made a Fast and Furious film...and yet this was the result. I did like Eva Mendes' cameo during the stinger for Fast Five and wouldn't mind if she returns to the franchise though.
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5:39PM on 05/22/2013
I've said that before also about John SIngleton in the past so maybe I am the schmoe you are referring to, who knows?
I've said that before also about John SIngleton in the past so maybe I am the schmoe you are referring to, who knows?
1:32PM on 05/22/2013
I can undertaking why people would enjoy this film, but it is by far the weakest of the Fast and Furious franchise (I don't count Tokyo Drift). The movie is just simply terrible and is the odd one out in the franchise.
I can undertaking why people would enjoy this film, but it is by far the weakest of the Fast and Furious franchise (I don't count Tokyo Drift). The movie is just simply terrible and is the odd one out in the franchise.
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2:33PM on 05/22/2013
How do you not count Tokyo Drift when it is clearly part of the series canon? The director of Tokyo Drift is responsible for four of the Fast & Furious movies and from what I've read about Fast & Furious 6, the latest movie ties the Tokyo Drift storyline with the rest of the series. Therefore, whether or not you count it is irrelevant. Within the narrative of the series, Tokyo Drift is part of the overall story.
How do you not count Tokyo Drift when it is clearly part of the series canon? The director of Tokyo Drift is responsible for four of the Fast & Furious movies and from what I've read about Fast & Furious 6, the latest movie ties the Tokyo Drift storyline with the rest of the series. Therefore, whether or not you count it is irrelevant. Within the narrative of the series, Tokyo Drift is part of the overall story.
3:01PM on 05/22/2013
Gotta agree with BrokenDreamer on this one. They were clearly able to tie it into the series "canon" as the films that followed include Han as part of Dom's crew. Hell, they even tied it into the series at the end of Tokyo Drift with Vin Diesel's cameo.
Gotta agree with BrokenDreamer on this one. They were clearly able to tie it into the series "canon" as the films that followed include Han as part of Dom's crew. Hell, they even tied it into the series at the end of Tokyo Drift with Vin Diesel's cameo.
+9
1:32PM on 05/22/2013
I laughed my ass off with the ass-talk screengrabs, yo.
I laughed my ass off with the ass-talk screengrabs, yo.
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12:58PM on 05/22/2013
Hahaha, I never thought about all that "ass" and trashtalking in this movie until I see those subtitles here. "Invitation ... Accepted" - that's the best! As for the movie, this is my least favorite Fast & Furious movie.
Hahaha, I never thought about all that "ass" and trashtalking in this movie until I see those subtitles here. "Invitation ... Accepted" - that's the best! As for the movie, this is my least favorite Fast & Furious movie.
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