Awfully Good: Born
It's October and that means a month of Awfully Good horror flicks!
Director: Richard Friedman
Stars: Alison Brie, Kane Hodder, Joan Severance
Annie from "Community" gets knocked up by Satan.
I know I'm not the only Human Being out there that loves NBC's "Community." It's one of the smartest, geek-friendliest shows on television and the ensemble cast is perfect, especially naïve overachiever Annie Edison played by Alison Brie. So when I heard that Greendale's perennially cheerful student had starred in a low budget riff on ROSEMARY'S BABY, I thought it might be worth a few laughs. What I discovered was beyond my wildest dreams.
Casual Fridays are REALLY casual on the set of "Community."
Brie is the only reason this movie works as much as it does. She's all-in with BORN, giving a completely off-the-wall and over-the-top performance that achieves Nicolas Cagean levels of overacting and mania. The actress attempts to make the most out of a truly terrible script and it's a sight to behold. (Check it out in the Best Lines video below!) Brie plays Mary Elizabeth, a troubled 21 year old virgin living in her older sister's strict religious household following the death of her mother. She gets raped by a thunderstorm during the funeral and the next morning finds herself impossibly pregnant. At first, her sister assumes she's just been sleeping around and spanks her in a bathtub, but once she confirms her "unbroken membrane" she thinks it's a miracle from God. However, Mary Elizabeth knows something more sinister is responsible. The further along she gets in the pregnancy (wearing a disgustingly fake stomach that doesn’t even match the color of her skin), the more homicidal she gets. It's not long before she's completely possessed by her demon fetus, talking from its point of view and developing a taste for human flesh.
What exactly did you expect when Alison Brie offered to give you head?
I'm not gonna lie—it's a blast seeing Annie from "Community" electrocute someone, behead his corpse and then rip out his heart for good measure. And if you think that's bad, just wait. Here's a list of things you can watch Alison Brie do in BORN:
- Spray acid from her boob
- Scream all kinds of obscene, terrible things ala Regan from THE EXORCIST
- Have rough sex with some dude until his penis falls off
- Bite the head off a crow and drink its blood
- Engage in a deadly lesbian makeout session with her phone sex operator BFF
- Enjoy a nice meal of human aorta
- Kill an albino guy and then pee green slime all over his dead body
This is absolutely what the girl on the other end of your phone sex line looks like.
BORN is lucky that Crazy Alison Brie makes it worth watching, because everything else is pretty much complete crap. It has a high body count but some really dumb twists and really boring subplots. The worst offender is the framing story that involves Kane Hodder as a demon that goes to see a therapist. We all love Hodder for his work as Jason Voorhees, but this movie requires him to talk and, oh man, is he a horrible actor. Former softcore actress Joan Severance doesn't fare much better though, as the psychiatrist who keeps her clothes on.
And yes, you do get to see Annie's Boobs in BORN. But it's clearly multiple body doubles because they’re laughably different each time they're shown.
Behold some of Alison Brie's best moments of overacting! (BONUS: Kane Hodder can't feel anything.)
1) A greatest hits compilation that includes acid boobs, albino corpse peeing, lesbian love gone wrong and more! (NSFW)
2) Sex with Alison Brie! Except she's pregnant. And there's a good chance her demon fetus will eat your penis. (NSFW)
Brie’s character goes topless but it’s clearly a body double. To make up for it they hire a pair of naked twins to stand in the background for the last act of the movie.
Take a shot or drink every time:
- Annie from "Community" kills someone
- A fly touches someone’s face
- A demon head pokes through the skin
- A grandfather gives his granddaughter a gynecological exam
- The words "baby" and "hungry" are said in the same sentence