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Awfully Good: I Come in Peace + Machete Kills (Video)

08.20.2014

Since Dolph Lundgren was wasted in EXPENDABLES 3, I'm putting him front and center this week.

I Come in Peace a.k.a. Dark Angel (1990)

Director: Craig R. Baxley
Stars: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben, Betsy Brantley

Rule-breaking cop Jack Caine is already busy taking down a group of yuppie drug dealers when an evil alien heroin enthusiast pays a visit to Earth.

Note: For God knows whatever reason, this movie was retitled DARK ANGEL on DVD, a terrible name that has nothing to do with anything in the film. It was called I COME IN PEACE when I first saw it as a kid, so that's what I'm calling it.

I COME IN PEACE is great for many reasons—the greatest of which is Mr. Dolph Lundgren. In not entirely unexpected fashion, Lundgren plays a renegade cop named Jack Caine who plays by his own rules. He goes to seedy strip clubs to "think." He disappears from his job and his girlfriend for days at a time (though neither can resist his charms when he returns). The important thing is that he gets the job done—that is until he lets his undercover partner get killed on the job. To be fair he was busy stopping a random convenience store robbery when it happened. But still… that's unacceptable on Dolph Lundgren terms.


I must break you...r heart.

The bad guys responsible are a group of rich, white collar businessman turned drug dealers who actually call themselves The White Boys. Because they're white and well-dressed, the gang is able to walk in to a police station without question and walk out with a metric ass-ton of heroin from the evidence locker. They then blow up the entire station just so there won't be any witnesses. Obviously, that's not a good thing, but when they kill Caine's partner, then they really crossed the line. Imagine if instead of Willem Dafoe, you dropped Ivan Drago in to AMERICAN PSYCHO as the guy trying to take down Patrick Bateman. That's essentially what the premise of I COME IN PEACE is.


Who can we hire as a White Boy? Skeet Ulrich!

And this easily could've been a simple movie about Dolph Lundgren hunting down douchebag Wall Street types and it would be great. But the script (allegedly rewritten by Spielberg's go-to scribe David Koepp) decides to introduce one more complication for Lundgren to deal with: extraterrestrial drug dealers. Yes, you read that correctly. A seven-foot tall Nordic alien shows up with a wrist gun that shoots compact discs. Unfortunately, these CDs don't play Huey Lewis or Phil Collins; they're engineered only to slit throats.


Xenu was a little disappointed he wasn't welcomed to Earf by Will Smith.

The alien goes on a murder spree, occasionally stopping to tear open people's shirts and pump them full of some unknown substance. (Before he does so, he recites the only human phrase he knows: "I come in peace." Perhaps they really enjoy irony on his home planet.) Of course Dolph Lundgren crosses path with the killer ET, soon discovering his ultimate plan: shooting up humans full of heroin, letting their brain release the endorphins, and then extracting the contents of their pituitary gland to create the "perfect drug" that he can take back to his planet and sell. It's a brilliant idea really, but then a second alien comes along who's an outer space cop and makes Dolph promise to stop him at any cost. At least he gives him an awesome alien gun to finish the job.


The only way Chuck Norris can get aroused.

There's plenty of other fun stuff along the way. So many great one liners and random character moments. Dolph Lundgren threatening a guy named Boner by pointing a gun to his… [ahem]. There's even an appearance by stuntman and cult legend Al Leong! Lundgren also gets a straight-laced, by-the-books FBI partner played by "Dream On" star BrianBrian Benben. Though Benben was clearly added as comic relief, Lundgren actually gets most of the film's laughs by being a total dick to his new sidekick. ("If you try to take this disc, I'm going to hit you very, very hard.")


I don't have a funny caption for this, but I took the screenshot anyways.

However, it's the ending that takes I COME IN PEACE from an enjoyable B-movie to an utter classic in my eyes. Lundgren tracks the alien down for one final showdown. And like a true badass, he tosses away his magic space gun so he can fight the visitor mano-a-alieno. (The same alien that has so far been impervious to all Earth weapons.) Though the extraterrestrial is bigger, stronger and seemingly indestructible, he's still no match for the planet's ballsiest law enforcement officer. Lundgren injects the alien with his own heroin and yells "F*ck you, spaceman!" as he impales him on a pipe. He then grabs his special gun, charges it to full power, and delivers what I consider to be one of the greatest one liners ever committed to film:

Alien: "I come in peace."
Dolph Lundgren: "And you go in pieces, asshole."
[dead alien carcass explosion]

Do yourself a favor and watch this movie.

So many outstanding one liners.

The best alien kills and the final fight between Dolph Lundgren and ET.

Dolph Lundgren goes to a strip club to "think." I "think" I saw some boobies.


Go in pieces. Buy this movie here!

Take a shot or drink every time:

  • Someone says "I come in peace"
  • Someone gets killed by compact disc
  • The alien tears someone's shirt open
  • Brian Benben gets a strike
  • Brian Benben implicates himself in murder by tossing his notebook on a corpse

Double shot if:

  • There's an Al Leong sighting!

Wait! There's more! Check out the video column for Awfully Good below! This week we're featuring Robert Rodriguez's MACHETE KILLS!

Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email or follow him on Twitter and give him an excuse to drink.

CLICK IMAGE TO OPEN GALLERY & SEE MORE PICS...

Source: JoBlo.com

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4:13PM on 08/24/2014

I went in Anger

Why is this in the awfully good section, because in my mind its an awesome movie from the 90's. Ok ok so some of the acting wasn't on par. But what a great concept. Love this movie hate that its featured in the awfully good section. When it should be in the Amazing section.
Why is this in the awfully good section, because in my mind its an awesome movie from the 90's. Ok ok so some of the acting wasn't on par. But what a great concept. Love this movie hate that its featured in the awfully good section. When it should be in the Amazing section.
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4:14PM on 08/24/2014
Forgot to mention the awesome score by Jan Hammer.
Forgot to mention the awesome score by Jan Hammer.
10:05PM on 08/20/2014

Awesome Movie!

As soon as I saw it was this film, I kept thinking, "oh man, I hope he mentions the 'And you go in pieces, asshole' line!" That delivery is great!
As soon as I saw it was this film, I kept thinking, "oh man, I hope he mentions the 'And you go in pieces, asshole' line!" That delivery is great!
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2:53PM on 08/20/2014
I've only ever known it as Dark Angel - might be a UK thing - but I love this film. It's the perfect cheesey sci-fi cop movie. It might not be a conventionally great movie, but it's a classic of its time when violent action and daft one-liners were king.
I've only ever known it as Dark Angel - might be a UK thing - but I love this film. It's the perfect cheesey sci-fi cop movie. It might not be a conventionally great movie, but it's a classic of its time when violent action and daft one-liners were king.
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4:16PM on 08/24/2014
Yeh it is only a UK thing. I prefer the title Dark Angel.
Yeh it is only a UK thing. I prefer the title Dark Angel.
12:29PM on 08/20/2014

Saw this at 10. LOVE it still to this day

My dad let me watch anything at a young age and thankfully I came across this gem, and Troll 2, and Evil Dead, etc. But yeah this really is a fun movie. And seeing that picture of the women in the bra made me remember how happy i was when i first saw that at 10.
My dad let me watch anything at a young age and thankfully I came across this gem, and Troll 2, and Evil Dead, etc. But yeah this really is a fun movie. And seeing that picture of the women in the bra made me remember how happy i was when i first saw that at 10.
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11:19AM on 08/20/2014
I Come In Peace is dope
I Come In Peace is dope
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+0
10:50AM on 08/20/2014
I actaully like this movie as well. I remember watching it alot back in the 90s. Forgot they changed the name cuz was looking for a DvD copy awhile back. This and The Wraith are some of my favorite cheesy movies
I actaully like this movie as well. I remember watching it alot back in the 90s. Forgot they changed the name cuz was looking for a DvD copy awhile back. This and The Wraith are some of my favorite cheesy movies
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10:46AM on 08/20/2014
I remember this movie because of those Compact Disc killing, haha. Still, "I must break you - r heart" - awwww. This isn't my favorite Dolph's awfully good though - it's Showdown in Little Tokyo. That movie's a riot!
I remember this movie because of those Compact Disc killing, haha. Still, "I must break you - r heart" - awwww. This isn't my favorite Dolph's awfully good though - it's Showdown in Little Tokyo. That movie's a riot!
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10:44AM on 08/20/2014
I kinda want to see a remake, but with Lundgren as the alien.
I kinda want to see a remake, but with Lundgren as the alien.
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12:30PM on 08/20/2014
of have JCVD FINALLY be an alien in a movie and not one that was cut.
of have JCVD FINALLY be an alien in a movie and not one that was cut.
+0
10:42AM on 08/20/2014
I Come In Peace is surprisingly fun as hell.
I Come In Peace is surprisingly fun as hell.
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