Latest Movie News Headlines

Awfully Good: The Core

Jan. 15, 2014by:

Think I, FRANKENSTEIN looks bad? There's no way it'll top Aaron Eckhart's worst movie...

The Core (2003)

Director: Jon Amiel
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Hillary Swank, Stanley Tucci

When the Earth's core stops spinning and threatens the future of humankind, a group of "terranauts" travel to the center of the planet so they can jump start it with nuclear weapons.

The Core gets the award for "Worst Science in a Feature Film," which it will continue to win every year until they stop making movies. It's truly unbelievable just how unbelievable this movie is.

And I'm not a stickler for realism in film. If you had to adhere to actual physics, most of my favorite films would put me to sleep. But every decision made on screen in THE CORE is bogged down with so much forehead-slapping scientific insanity that it becomes a fun game to see what creative new way the filmmakers use to defy physics and rationality.


The cast is extremely excited to be part of this film.

When a group of random people in Boston begin to drop dead, the government calls in handsome geologist Aaron Eckhart, who immediately figures out they all had pacemakers and that there's something seriously wrong with the Earth's magnetic field. His suspicions are confirmed when birds start suicide bombing London and the space shuttle's navigation goes haywire, forcing Oscar-winner Hillary Swank to crash land it in downtown Los Angeles. And that's just the first 15 minutes!

Turns out, the planet's molten core has stopped spinning and the world is going to end. Planes will fall from the sky, electronics will be fried, and eventually everyone will die because the sun will now microwave the Earth. (The brilliant scientists have to set a peach on fire to demonstrate the severity of the issue to our stupid world leaders.) Except that's not true. Earth's electromagnetic field has nothing to do with protecting us from the sun's harmful rays. And that's ignoring the fact that there's way too much energy and mass in the core for it to ever just stop. But hey, that's the plot!


The Velveeta product placement was a bit much.

To fix it, the world's brightest minds decide to do what they always do in impossible cinematic situations: they nuke it. Just like in ARMAGEDDON. (In fact, this movie is pretty much ARMAGEDDON if Bruce Willis and Co. went in the opposite direction.) However, Aaron Eckhart explains exactly why it's impossible to drill to the center of the Earth, the one fact the movie actually gets right. But then Stanley Tucci declares, "We know a guy who can magically do it!"


"And now those savages are threatening our whole operation!"

You see, Delroy Lindo is a scientific genius who built an ultrasonic laser that can cut through the Earth's crust, along with an indestructible ship also forged out of pure magic. (That's not a joke. He actually says it's made out of classic element "Unobtanium" straight from Pandora!) Now they can put together a team to save the world. Aaron Eckhart is made team leader despite being a college professor who doesn't know how to tie a necktie. He's joined by Hillary Swank, the only pilot skilled enough to drive in a straight line to the Earth's core; Stanley Tucci, who says things like "It's as if we're diving through the memories of the planet;" and a French guy with a family who definitely won't tragically not make it home to see them again. There's also ROAD TRIP star DJ Qualls as a computer geek hired to "hack the planet" and control the internet so no one finds out what's really going on with the planet. (Apparently the apocalyptic occurrences around the globe aren't enough to raise any red flags.) To prove how good his skills are, Qualls takes Eckhart's cell phone and uses a stick of gum to give him free long distance for life. Thanks, but that already came with my Friends and Family plan.


Harvey Dent already had a few evil tendencies before becoming Two-Face.

The ship, prophetically dubbed Virgil, is launched in the Marianas Trench and survives an underwater earthquake and vortex to make it in to the Earth's crust. Like a giant dildo tossed around a laser Floyd show, it travels through the poorly rendered CG environment with a cockpit not unlike a Nintendo Virtual Boy. And now we get to the "good" stuff.

Here are some of my favorite "facts" and actual lines from this section of the movie:

I can't get a cell phone signal in my basement, but the team still has crystal clear communication with the surface from the center of the Earth.

The ship, which is navigating the unknowable insides of our planet, has an autopilot setting.

Mission Control has a nice, handy Google Map displaying their progress. They also somehow have a real-time monitor of the core's direction and activity.

"As long as we can surf these magma flows, we'll be okay." - Hillary Swank

Who knew gravity operates exactly the same in the center of our planet. Suck it, Newton!


100% accurate representation.

Delroy Lindo sacrifices himself by going out in to the 9000 temperatures wearing a suit that can only withstand half of that. Unless my math is wrong, that means for a solid five minutes, Delroy Lindo is walking around in 4500 degree weather.

"I combined the crystals in a tungsten-titanium matrix at supercool temperatures. That did the trick!" - Delroy Lindo

Remember that time you went to the center of the Earth, got out of the ship and walked around to collect samples? And then your suit, which somehow withstood the amazing amount of pressure, was easily penetrated by a falling rock?

The ship, which has floated in liquid hot magma and survived the insane pressures of the core, bumps in to a diamond and is destroyed.

"So, we hotwire the nukes, as one does. We seed them through the core at locations that have to be accurate to the inch. We detonate them in a sequence that has to be accurate to the millisecond. Then we outrun the biggest nuclear shockwave in history. That should be fairly simple." - Aaron Eckhart


Getting ready to fire your agent?

Every once in a while, the movie takes a break from all the core nonsense to show a random city being destroyed. In addition to London's avian terror, you get to see Rome blown apart by lightning (The Coliseum absorbs electricity despite not being made of metal and then explodes) and San Francisco get microwaved (where the heat melts the Golden Gate Bridge, but only give some dude's arm a slight sunburn).

Of course this is a movie where the heroes, despite a few casualties, make it to the core, save the world and then still somehow find their way home. In this case, Eckhart realizes that since Unobtanium is completely fictional, it can totally act like "a giant solar panel" and the nuclear blast will give them just enough energy to make it back. They drive through the crust without a laser and escape without issue. Which begs the questionwhy exactly did they need it in the first place? Oh, well. In the end, some whales sing them a song and everyone lives happily ever after.

Scientific gobbledygook and Hot Pockets.

Watch Rome get destroyed by lightning, San Francisco melt in the heat, and some CGI birds go all Hitchcock on London.

Does Aaron Eckhart's butt chin count?


Get drilled! Buy this movie here!

Take a shot or drink every time:
  • Something scientifically incorrect happens
Double shot if:
  • A city is destroyed
  • Someone says scientific gobbledygook
  • Aaron Eckhart yells, "Serge!"
  • Someone says, "[Science] 101"
  • Someone gets stuck underneath a thermonuclear warhead. (Yes, this happens more than once.)

Thanks to Andrew, Stephan and Alex for suggesting this week's movie!

Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email or follow him on Twitter and give him an excuse to drink.

Extra Tidbit: During the London bird attack sequence, a random trout smashes through a window. I don't even think the filmmakers took this movie seriously.
Source: JoBlo.com

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

+5
10:21AM on 01/15/2014

Great Article

I have never seen this film, but now want to from all this nonsense.
I have never seen this film, but now want to from all this nonsense.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:34AM on 01/15/2014
You nailed it Jason, this is Armageddon in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
You nailed it Jason, this is Armageddon in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:44AM on 01/15/2014
Gotta love the bottom of this article having a real Ad Council commercial for the U.S. Department of Energy right where 'Best Parts' is suppose to be. haha
Gotta love the bottom of this article having a real Ad Council commercial for the U.S. Department of Energy right where 'Best Parts' is suppose to be. haha
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:45AM on 01/15/2014
It IS Armageddon in opposite direction, haha. It's a silly sci-fi movie in the vein of 1950s B-sci fi movies. I enjoyed it though.
It IS Armageddon in opposite direction, haha. It's a silly sci-fi movie in the vein of 1950s B-sci fi movies. I enjoyed it though.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:51AM on 01/15/2014
I'm a sucker for silly B-sci fi movies.
I'm a sucker for silly B-sci fi movies.
11:24AM on 01/15/2014
That's a very apt description. "Witness the WORLD thrown into DISARRAY! The GLOBE stops SPINNING...if NOTHING is done, it will come TO AN END! In GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR!!!"
That's a very apt description. "Witness the WORLD thrown into DISARRAY! The GLOBE stops SPINNING...if NOTHING is done, it will come TO AN END! In GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR!!!"
+2
11:16AM on 01/15/2014
I laughed my ass off when I first saw this movie. It was blatantly obvious that the writers had absolutely no grasp of science in any way, shape or form.
I laughed my ass off when I first saw this movie. It was blatantly obvious that the writers had absolutely no grasp of science in any way, shape or form.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
11:31AM on 01/15/2014
The science behind this film is so laughably bad. The fact that they expected us to believe that a man-made device could literally stop the general rotation of the Earth's core alone was fucking hilarious.

It amazes me cause this is a hell of a talented cast and each of them read the script thinking "Yeah, this really speaks to me. This makes sense." You can't convince me they made much money from this.
The science behind this film is so laughably bad. The fact that they expected us to believe that a man-made device could literally stop the general rotation of the Earth's core alone was fucking hilarious.

It amazes me cause this is a hell of a talented cast and each of them read the script thinking "Yeah, this really speaks to me. This makes sense." You can't convince me they made much money from this.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:03PM on 01/15/2014
Not defending the movie, but..."everyone will die because the sun will now microwave the Earth. Except that's not true. Earth's electromagnetic field has nothing to do with protecting us from the sun's harmful rays" Microwaves are radiation, and the earths magnetic field does protect us from solar and space radiation. If you're going to criticize a movie for not having its facts straight, make sure yours are too.
Not defending the movie, but..."everyone will die because the sun will now microwave the Earth. Except that's not true. Earth's electromagnetic field has nothing to do with protecting us from the sun's harmful rays" Microwaves are radiation, and the earths magnetic field does protect us from solar and space radiation. If you're going to criticize a movie for not having its facts straight, make sure yours are too.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:33PM on 01/15/2014
Edit
Edit
+0
12:10PM on 01/15/2014

GUILTY PLEASURE? NO.

I understand that concept. I even have my own list of guilty pleasures. This movie won't be in it. I wasn't laughing at the scientific innacuracies because I was too busy trying to stay awake. My God! How did they take a fun concept and turn THE CORE into such a bore?! [Sorry for the rhyme]
1/10.
I understand that concept. I even have my own list of guilty pleasures. This movie won't be in it. I wasn't laughing at the scientific innacuracies because I was too busy trying to stay awake. My God! How did they take a fun concept and turn THE CORE into such a bore?! [Sorry for the rhyme]
1/10.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:14PM on 01/15/2014

Sounds Like Fun!

im sure i will really dislike this movie, but how would we have fun articles like these without them? i laughed at the silly lines. also, the earths magnetic field does in fact protect us from solar radiation. its a pretty simple fact.
im sure i will really dislike this movie, but how would we have fun articles like these without them? i laughed at the silly lines. also, the earths magnetic field does in fact protect us from solar radiation. its a pretty simple fact.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:34PM on 01/15/2014

Cool

I remember watching this film on DVD and enjoying it. It was a fun piece of crap. I didn't get why people didn't seem to like it.
I remember watching this film on DVD and enjoying it. It was a fun piece of crap. I didn't get why people didn't seem to like it.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:45PM on 01/15/2014

fixedMind, matatiouz

Perhaps I phrased it poorly. The Earths magnetic field does shield the planet from radiation. But not the kind the movie suggestsdeadly microwaves that will burn everyone alive. Those dont exist. Microwaves from the sun are really weak by the time they reach us. (At worst, they might mess up your radio.) And theyre in no way affected by magnetic fields. Even if they were stronger, the atmosphere is still there to protect us.

I think Ive officially put more thought in to this than the
Perhaps I phrased it poorly. The Earths magnetic field does shield the planet from radiation. But not the kind the movie suggestsdeadly microwaves that will burn everyone alive. Those dont exist. Microwaves from the sun are really weak by the time they reach us. (At worst, they might mess up your radio.) And theyre in no way affected by magnetic fields. Even if they were stronger, the atmosphere is still there to protect us.

I think Ive officially put more thought in to this than the writer of The Core.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:01PM on 01/15/2014
Terribly stupid movie, for sure. You just kind of have to switch your brain off and watch all the things crashing into other things.
Avatar doesn't deserve any credit for Unobtainium, though. As I understand it it's an actual term used in the scientific / engineering communities for any substance that's especially rare or hard to come by. Titanium was an unobtainium-like substance for a while, I believe.
Terribly stupid movie, for sure. You just kind of have to switch your brain off and watch all the things crashing into other things.
Avatar doesn't deserve any credit for Unobtainium, though. As I understand it it's an actual term used in the scientific / engineering communities for any substance that's especially rare or hard to come by. Titanium was an unobtainium-like substance for a while, I believe.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
2:33PM on 01/15/2014

The best part?

Screenwriter John Rogers has a degree in physics.

Also, I seem to watch this every time it's on. Although Jason's review may have been more entertaining!
Screenwriter John Rogers has a degree in physics.

Also, I seem to watch this every time it's on. Although Jason's review may have been more entertaining!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+3
3:18PM on 01/15/2014

loved ths movie

of course it was impossible, but once you threw that out it was fun and that is one hell of a cast.
of course it was impossible, but once you threw that out it was fun and that is one hell of a cast.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
4:13PM on 01/15/2014

Terrible but still entertaining.

The movie is a wonderful joke, here's my full review: [link]
The movie is a wonderful joke, here's my full review: [link]
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
3:22AM on 01/16/2014

It's insane...

But it's a surprisingly fun movie.
But it's a surprisingly fun movie.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:05AM on 01/16/2014

This is a guilty pleasure movie of mine

....yep its completely hokey but I think the cast knew it too. Well worth a watch with a few beers.

Oh and it contains one of my most favourite variations of the Paramount logo along with Event Horizon. :)
....yep its completely hokey but I think the cast knew it too. Well worth a watch with a few beers.

Oh and it contains one of my most favourite variations of the Paramount logo along with Event Horizon. :)
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
View All Comments

Latest Movie News Headlines


Top
Loading...
JoBlo's T-Shirt Shoppe | support our site... Wear Our Gear!