Breaking Dawn finds its immortal Renesmee in Mackenzie Foy

Let me now introduce you to Renesmee, the absurdly named centerpiece of the final two TWILIGHT movies.

She’s conceived when Edward and Bella finally stop being Mormons and bang, but she’s a real bitch so Edward has to cut her out of Bella, with his teeth. Naturally.

Being the product of a vampire and a girl who negates vampire powers somehow makes her age extremely fast before reaching “max level,” and in just a few years, she’s already seventeen, and ready to start getting with, guess who, Jacob the werewolf.

It’s quite the role to play, and according to EW, director Bill Condon has found the girl for the job in the form of Mackenzie Foy, seen above. She’s nine years old, which begs the question, how she will play a character who needs to span 17 years of age? Sources say “Benjamin Button” technology will be used to achieve this, but good lord, when she reaches her teens, just cast a new actress, as I really don’t want to watch Taylor Lautner make out with a nine year old’s face CGIed onto a seventeen year old’s body.

Damn it, I had to write a Twilight story and I don’t even get to post hot pictures of Maggie Grace. Lose-lose.