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C'mon Hollywood #126

06.08.2007

... let these franchises die…part 2!
by Sturdy

Here’s the rest of the list. And here’s hoping Hollywood will let some of these franchises go and maybe make something without a number behind it.

Rush Hour: If I was a Hollywood producer, I wouldn’t pay Chris Tucker $20 to wash my car, much less $20 million to star in my movie. Yet, for some reason Chris Tucker makes one movie every five years or so and now he’s filthy rich. And don’t get me started on Jackie Chan. I don’t care how gutsy he is, the dude annoys me. So the moral of the story is that the RUSH HOUR franchise should have ended before the first one ever got started.


Just because he’s loud, it doesn’t mean he’s funny

Saw/Hostel/Hills Have Eyes, etc.: I’ve already ranted about Hollywood’s current fascination with torture and now it’s time we stop it. The first installment of SAW was original, freaky, scary, etc., but with flicks like HOSTEL and HILLS HAVE EYES, I’m absolutely sick of watching people getting tortured. So unless they make another one and cast my high school biology teacher, my old boss, Teri Hatcher and K-Fed, and actually torture them, I’m not going to watch another one.

Scary Movie: This is one of those franchises that makes me scratch my head. I just don’t get it. I can’t understand how a series of films with second grade education humor could actually be successful enough to merit sequels. I hated the first one and every sequel got a little worse. The good news is that the adorable Ana Farris is…well…adorable. Yep, that’s about the only nice thing I can say about these movies.


Cute as a button!

Scream: Granted, the first one made teen horror films trendy before torture horror films became trendy, but now they’ve been done so many times, doing another SCREAM would be a rehash of every horror movie we saw in the late nineties. Even if they kill off Neve Campbell, I still don’t think there’s anything left to do.

Shrek: I’ve already heard rumblings of another few movies in the works, but after seeing the third one, it’s safe to say they’re out of jokes. I’m sick of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy and Cameron Diaz getting a butt-load of money to do 30 minutes worth of voice work. The problem with kids movies is that you can make as many sequels as you like and kids will still go see them. Because kids are dumb.


You wouldn't be able to concentrate either

Tomb Raider: I remember being so excited about Angelina Jolie accepting the role of Lara Croft. I don’t know if there has ever been more perfect casting for a video game movie. Unfortunately, the screenwriters probably got distracted with her juicy lips because the scripts and stories for these two films were absolutely horrible. Let’s hope Angelina doesn’t do another one after she takes her year off.

X-Men: The only comic book movie that I don’t want another sequel to is X-MEN. The third film ended so abruptly and decisively that there’s really no need for another one. Also, Halle Barry has bitched about not having a big enough part for too long. Hers was the only character I wanted to die, but ended up being one of the few to survive. However, the main reason I don’t want anymore X-MEN movies is because I want spin-offs. We’ve waited long enough for a Wolverine movie. Hugh’s the man and Wolverine is the most popular of the X-men, so make it already!


Give 'em hell Wolvie!

The list could go on forever, but those are the ones I don’t want to see any more of. So what did I leave out?

Tags: Hollywood

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