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C'mon Hollywood: Cut out the crap and get down to business with the Oscars!

Mar. 5, 2013by: Paul Shirey

Like many of you, I sat down to watch the Oscars last Sunday against my better judgment and endured the long, tedious misfire of material that flowed like wine throughout. It wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever seen (that distinction still belongs to GREEN LANTERN), but it felt overstuffed with nonsense and short on the good stuff. The nonsense being the lame dance numbers, stretched-out skits, and hackneyed tributes with the good stuff being the genuine reactions from award recipients who were unfortunately crunched under a two-minute time span to eek out something coherent, thoughtful, and real.

The Oscars, as a whole, are an internal affair. The Academy is made up of industry professionals who pick the candidates and vote on the finalists. It’s not a public vote, like the MTV Movie Awards, The People’s Choice Awards, or the most coveted of all, the Golden Schmoes. So, sure, it’s their game. The Academy makes the rules, sets the pace, and does their thing. Does that mean we don’t have a right to complain? Hell no! Why? Because they sure as shit want us to watch the show, right? Otherwise, they’d have a secret ceremony closed off from the public, which could potentially be like this scene from EYES WIDE SHUT, which coincidentally, would be more interesting than what we actually get.

However, the Oscars are a public show, made out to be the most prestigious of all awards shows, complete with special presenters, guests, performances, and the dreaded dance numbers. It’s become more of a circus than an awards ceremony in the last decade or so, with the awards being sandwiched between a lot of ho-hum, drag-ass filler. This year in particular gave way to a “theme” which was akin to pouring gasoline on a campfire, as the theme was movie musicals. As if we didn’t have enough song and dance bullshit to weed through, now it was guaranteed!

And when the moment that everyone is even tuning in to see arrives, which would be the actual announcement and acceptance of the award, the recipient is rushed onstage and given a countdown, as if they’re competing in the Olympics or something, and forced off the stage before they could even hope to articulate a response that is worthy of the award they received. And just as they get on a roll, the band starts playing them off, which is really just rude and classless. It leaves you wondering just what the hell the show is all about to begin with.

The show is structured with so much bullshit filler that everyone seems to bitch about the next day anyway, so why do they continue to beef it up? Do we really need to hear every nominated song “resung” to us live? Do we need to see song and dance numbers to remind us of the movies that are nominated (or worse yet, a rehash of dance numbers from older films, like this year’s CHICAGO crap)? Do we need to see skit after skit crash and burn, while stretching out the inevitable?

It’s time to trim the fat and get down to business, turning the spotlight to the actual awards and award recipients, rather than the obnoxious sideshow filler that creates a nearly four-hour running time. Does anyone out there feel like we need that amount of time to soak in the show? It’s longer than any of the nominated films! How in the hell is that necessary? By allowing those that have received the “much-coveted” award speak for more than 120 seconds, it gives them the opportunity to talk about the work they did and give proper thanks for receiving it. I’m not saying they need to be able to pull up a lawn chair, kick back, and wax poetic for ten minutes. In fact, I think many winners would still be fine with two minutes. However, for those that would like to give a bit more perspective, why not allow it? Isn’t the show meant to honor them?

In the end, I think the Oscars need to get their priorities straight. Cut out the bullshit and get down to the business of honoring the winners and allowing them time to share their thoughts about the experience with the audience, rather than rushing them off to usher in the next snoozefest of a dance number. Between their crappy hosts and misguided theatrical flair, it’s time to refocus on what the awards show is all about, rather than making it into something it’s not.

Extra Tidbit: Who do you think would be a good host for the next Oscars? Many have said Conan O'Brien and I tend to agree. Fast on his feet, genuinely funny, and someone who can temper the live environment. He's got my vote.
Source: JoBlo.com

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+4
3:35AM on 03/06/2013

Right on the mark!

Well said Paul, completely agree.

IMHO the reason they're doing this is perhaps because most winners don't articulate themselves well. From thanking their dog to the neighbor to the milkman, irrelevant stuff. Only a very few of them would know the right stuff to talk about.

I'm glad I didn't watch it this time.
Well said Paul, completely agree.

IMHO the reason they're doing this is perhaps because most winners don't articulate themselves well. From thanking their dog to the neighbor to the milkman, irrelevant stuff. Only a very few of them would know the right stuff to talk about.

I'm glad I didn't watch it this time.
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11:52PM on 03/05/2013
I agree with almost all of your complaints. The only one I don't agree with is the singing of the 'Best Original' songs. I think that should most definitely always be there (when it didn't happen and 'The Weary Kind' won, I was super pissed not to be able to see T-Bone Burnett sing that amazing song)
I agree with almost all of your complaints. The only one I don't agree with is the singing of the 'Best Original' songs. I think that should most definitely always be there (when it didn't happen and 'The Weary Kind' won, I was super pissed not to be able to see T-Bone Burnett sing that amazing song)
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+3
10:59PM on 03/05/2013

Don't forget "Once"

Don't forget when Glen Hansard and Markta Irglov won best song for "Once" and Markta Irglov was cut off before she could say anything. After the commercial break Oscar host Jon Stewart invited Markta Irglov back on stage and insist she'd have her time to say "thanks". That was a rare and wonderful Oscar moment, owed greatly to Jon Stewart.
Don't forget when Glen Hansard and Markta Irglov won best song for "Once" and Markta Irglov was cut off before she could say anything. After the commercial break Oscar host Jon Stewart invited Markta Irglov back on stage and insist she'd have her time to say "thanks". That was a rare and wonderful Oscar moment, owed greatly to Jon Stewart.
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8:34PM on 03/05/2013
Totally agree with everything mentioned in this C'mon hollywood. I did not watch the show this year but it seemed to drag alot & i did not understand the point of honoring Chicago AGAIN (which to e did not deserve to win BP in the !st place). Wasn't that the year it was up against Saving Private Ryan?
Totally agree with everything mentioned in this C'mon hollywood. I did not watch the show this year but it seemed to drag alot & i did not understand the point of honoring Chicago AGAIN (which to e did not deserve to win BP in the !st place). Wasn't that the year it was up against Saving Private Ryan?
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10:19PM on 03/05/2013
Chicago went up against LotR: The Two Towers, The Pianist, The Hours, and Gangs of New York.
Chicago went up against LotR: The Two Towers, The Pianist, The Hours, and Gangs of New York.
+1
8:32PM on 03/05/2013

Tidbit

Ellen DeGeneres again
John Stewart again
Honestly, I'm over experimenting. Let's go with what we know works here.
Ellen DeGeneres again
John Stewart again
Honestly, I'm over experimenting. Let's go with what we know works here.
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+0
5:40PM on 03/05/2013

Tidbit

Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey
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5:01PM on 03/05/2013

Titbit: will ferrell,steve carell,zack galifianakis

This time what sucked big is Shit Mcfarlame's comic style.he was obnoxious.i wouldn't mind watching few musical dance numbers but not as many as this year's.forcing off winners from stage should be stopped
This time what sucked big is Shit Mcfarlame's comic style.he was obnoxious.i wouldn't mind watching few musical dance numbers but not as many as this year's.forcing off winners from stage should be stopped
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4:40PM on 03/05/2013
I feel like every SINGLE year everyone complains about the show's broadcast. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. For me, the only thing I care about are the awards. This year, I was thrilled when DDL, Christoph Waltz, and Quentin Tarantino won. Beans to everything else. I never really watch the show going, "WOW, this is SO entertaining!" I just muscle through it and wait for the awards I want to see get handed out.
I feel like every SINGLE year everyone complains about the show's broadcast. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. For me, the only thing I care about are the awards. This year, I was thrilled when DDL, Christoph Waltz, and Quentin Tarantino won. Beans to everything else. I never really watch the show going, "WOW, this is SO entertaining!" I just muscle through it and wait for the awards I want to see get handed out.
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2:58PM on 03/05/2013

Future Hosts...

in no particular order:
Louis CK
Conan O'Brien
Jimmy Kimmel
Tina Fey/Amy Poehler
Ricky Gervais (Doesn't Take Shit, ask Tom Cruise/Johnny Depp rest of Hollywood)
Chris Rock (again)
in no particular order:
Louis CK
Conan O'Brien
Jimmy Kimmel
Tina Fey/Amy Poehler
Ricky Gervais (Doesn't Take Shit, ask Tom Cruise/Johnny Depp rest of Hollywood)
Chris Rock (again)
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+2
2:53PM on 03/05/2013
I vote you Paul (in case you decline, Team Coco FTW though!) . That was a very well written article. Very insightful. I could not agree more.
I vote you Paul (in case you decline, Team Coco FTW though!) . That was a very well written article. Very insightful. I could not agree more.
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4:14PM on 03/05/2013
I would do it, if they let me do it drunk and had, like, zero expectations.
I would do it, if they let me do it drunk and had, like, zero expectations.
2:02PM on 03/05/2013
They need a Best Picture Popcorn movie category. I'm serious- I'm so sick of these boring as shit, one-time only view pretentious crapfest movies being jerked off. Who watches that shit? Popcorn movies literally support the rest of the industry to so they can make boring ass artsy fartsy bumjob snoozefests.
They need a Best Picture Popcorn movie category. I'm serious- I'm so sick of these boring as shit, one-time only view pretentious crapfest movies being jerked off. Who watches that shit? Popcorn movies literally support the rest of the industry to so they can make boring ass artsy fartsy bumjob snoozefests.
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1:16PM on 03/05/2013

The Muppets

.
.
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12:45PM on 03/05/2013

"It leaves you wondering just what the hell the show is all about to begin with."

Well said.
Well said.
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12:22PM on 03/05/2013

my vote for next host is

daniel tosh cause he ain't afraid to hold back and if you watch tosh.0 or his stand up specials you'll know what i mean.And then there's this [link]
daniel tosh cause he ain't afraid to hold back and if you watch tosh.0 or his stand up specials you'll know what i mean.And then there's this [link]
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12:05PM on 03/05/2013
All I can say is some should definitely be cut, and I really hope the next host they pick is not someone I like, because I do agree that I continue to watch despite my better judgment, and it would be nice to skip it for a change
All I can say is some should definitely be cut, and I really hope the next host they pick is not someone I like, because I do agree that I continue to watch despite my better judgment, and it would be nice to skip it for a change
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12:01PM on 03/05/2013

I'm in agreement

This year's Oscars were a bit tedious. The musical number started to wear on you after a while and there really didn't seem to be much substance to the production or entertainment value. A 10 year reunion for Chicago? Who cares? I think if they wanted to improve for next year, they need to go with a "less is more" approach. Cut out the musical numbers except for the opening and In Memoriam parts. And have everything focus more on the presenters and winners. Spend more time writing
This year's Oscars were a bit tedious. The musical number started to wear on you after a while and there really didn't seem to be much substance to the production or entertainment value. A 10 year reunion for Chicago? Who cares? I think if they wanted to improve for next year, they need to go with a "less is more" approach. Cut out the musical numbers except for the opening and In Memoriam parts. And have everything focus more on the presenters and winners. Spend more time writing interesting dialogue for the presenters (i.e. Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig at the Golden Globes) and allow a longer time slot for winners to give their speech, 5 minutes tops should do it. And they'll still probably come in around 2-3 minutes, it just won't sound so rushed and silly. As far as hosts go, either get a comedian whose humour matches the Oscars brand (i.e. not too raunchy or over the top) or get someone every entertaining that can balance both a musical intro but has some charm to make jokes and introduce presenters. I think Conan O'Brien would be great! I can see him doing a great musical number to officially open the show (the man is great on the guitar) and then lead into a monologue to poke fun at some of the nominees and lead into your first presentation of the night, total run time of 10 minutes!
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+2
11:47AM on 03/05/2013
Totally agree. When the Hurt Locker won Best Picture, the show'd gone on so long that they ran out of time and had to rush it. Oh well, at least they got in all those sketches and songs, right?
Totally agree. When the Hurt Locker won Best Picture, the show'd gone on so long that they ran out of time and had to rush it. Oh well, at least they got in all those sketches and songs, right?
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+1
11:45AM on 03/05/2013

Ehh...

@ Green-Ghost - Well, they actually let 3 perform. Adele, Nora Jones and the song from Ted, and the original song from Les Mis. They were really the only 3 that had the chance of winning... But I still think they were unnecessary.

The fact that Les Mis or other Broadway musicals add an original number just to get another nomination is ridiculous, and I do hate when they have every nominee perform their songs because it's such a time suck. Hell, by the end, and the fact that they let the
@ Green-Ghost - Well, they actually let 3 perform. Adele, Nora Jones and the song from Ted, and the original song from Les Mis. They were really the only 3 that had the chance of winning... But I still think they were unnecessary.

The fact that Les Mis or other Broadway musicals add an original number just to get another nomination is ridiculous, and I do hate when they have every nominee perform their songs because it's such a time suck. Hell, by the end, and the fact that they let the winners give such a long speech, there's hardly enough time for the serious category winners to give their full speech. That being said, I think the category should stay for songs like Skyfall, Falling Slowly, and It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp... I honestly think these artists should be recognized for their work, and without the category, I'm not sure we'd see a lot of original songs in movies, because the studio wouldn't bother paying a song writer or a great singer if they know an oscar was out of the question.
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11:33AM on 03/05/2013
I loved this year's Oscars. Shatner, dance numbers, Bond tribute, and all. It was special to do a musical movie tribute because of Les Mis. However I totally agree with Morix...they should cut the best song category. Not the best score, but def the best song. Because yes... you get shitty songs...you get one good one like Skyfall...and then you get the movie musicals that all write an additional song in hopes of being nominated. Tom Hooper can say all he wants that it's a moment between Valjean
I loved this year's Oscars. Shatner, dance numbers, Bond tribute, and all. It was special to do a musical movie tribute because of Les Mis. However I totally agree with Morix...they should cut the best song category. Not the best score, but def the best song. Because yes... you get shitty songs...you get one good one like Skyfall...and then you get the movie musicals that all write an additional song in hopes of being nominated. Tom Hooper can say all he wants that it's a moment between Valjean and Cosette that he thought should have been there all along, but we know it was for that oscar nom.
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11:31AM on 03/05/2013
I loved this year's Oscars. Shatner, dance numbers, Bond tribute, and all. It was special to do a musical movie tribute because of Les Mis. However I totally agree with Morix...they should cut the best song category. Not the best score, but def the best song. Because yes... you get shitty songs...you get one good one like Skyfall...and then you get the movie musicals that all write an additional song in hopes of being nominated. Tom Hooper can say all he wants that it's a moment between Valjean
I loved this year's Oscars. Shatner, dance numbers, Bond tribute, and all. It was special to do a musical movie tribute because of Les Mis. However I totally agree with Morix...they should cut the best song category. Not the best score, but def the best song. Because yes... you get shitty songs...you get one good one like Skyfall...and then you get the movie musicals that all write an additional song in hopes of being nominated. Tom Hooper can say all he wants that it's a moment between Valjean and Cosette that he thought should have been there all along, but we know it was for that oscar nom.
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11:03AM on 03/05/2013
I have to disagree. I actually like the dance numbers, stretched-out skits, and hackneyed tributes.. It's nice to see actors and actresses step out of their comfort zone and do quirky and entertaining shows for the audience/television viewers. I would have no idea Hugh Jackman could since without the Oscars three or so years ago.
I have to disagree. I actually like the dance numbers, stretched-out skits, and hackneyed tributes.. It's nice to see actors and actresses step out of their comfort zone and do quirky and entertaining shows for the audience/television viewers. I would have no idea Hugh Jackman could since without the Oscars three or so years ago.
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5:02PM on 03/05/2013
I actually enjoyed that one, too. But I don't think his went all the way to midnight, either.
I actually enjoyed that one, too. But I don't think his went all the way to midnight, either.
+4
11:01AM on 03/05/2013

You heard me say it before and I'll say it again...

They need to stop giving out an award for Best Song. The amount of time spent on each Oscar show just for this one award is highly disproportionate to all the others. They bring out performers to sing every song, they have extra commercial breaks to go around those segments, then there's the speech itself, etc... They could easily cut 30-40 minutes out of the show (if not more) just by dropping this one category, which if you think about it, they really shouldn't be giving out away. The
They need to stop giving out an award for Best Song. The amount of time spent on each Oscar show just for this one award is highly disproportionate to all the others. They bring out performers to sing every song, they have extra commercial breaks to go around those segments, then there's the speech itself, etc... They could easily cut 30-40 minutes out of the show (if not more) just by dropping this one category, which if you think about it, they really shouldn't be giving out away. The Oscars are for MOVIES, not POP SONGS. Let the Grammys give awards for that, if they want.

You're absolutely right about everything else as well. Cut the bullshit, let the winners give the speeches they want to give, and drop the time-wasting song and dance bits. If your goal is to make sure the show doesn't go on too long, why would you pick music as your theme? The musical numbers are what causes the show to go on too long! Duh! Hey Academy, next year can the theme be movies?

Having an intro sequence is fine. In Memoriam is fine. Let's just cut the rest of the fluff already.

As for next host, I nominate Stephen Colbert.
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11:04AM on 03/05/2013
The best part about scrapping the best song nominee would be that movies would stop shoehorning lame songs into their flicks just to bump up the awards count. That added song in Les Mis nearly killed me.
The best part about scrapping the best song nominee would be that movies would stop shoehorning lame songs into their flicks just to bump up the awards count. That added song in Les Mis nearly killed me.
-2
10:56AM on 03/05/2013

Copy BAFTAH format

No production numbers, simple introductions of presenters, no squirm inducing "comedy" by presenters just a reading of nominees. In, out, done in two hours.
No production numbers, simple introductions of presenters, no squirm inducing "comedy" by presenters just a reading of nominees. In, out, done in two hours.
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11:09AM on 03/05/2013
Why not just do a press release then? Why bother with any of it?
Why not just do a press release then? Why bother with any of it?
11:33AM on 03/05/2013
I loved watching the BAFTAs this year. Stephen Fry was a great host and it was witty and tidy.
I loved watching the BAFTAs this year. Stephen Fry was a great host and it was witty and tidy.
10:49AM on 03/05/2013

Well said!

This was perhaps the first year I considered just skipping the whole thing. But tradition won over in the end. I gotta say, rarely has the Academy Awards felt as self-aware as it did this year. Maybe that was due to Seth MacFarlane's comedic style, but it didn't feel like much effort had gone into producing it, either. The stage was boring, the song numbers were obnoxious, and the presenters were stiffer than usual. Using the Jaws theme to play off the winners was both clever and extremely
This was perhaps the first year I considered just skipping the whole thing. But tradition won over in the end. I gotta say, rarely has the Academy Awards felt as self-aware as it did this year. Maybe that was due to Seth MacFarlane's comedic style, but it didn't feel like much effort had gone into producing it, either. The stage was boring, the song numbers were obnoxious, and the presenters were stiffer than usual. Using the Jaws theme to play off the winners was both clever and extremely douchey. Top that off with the popularity contest the Academy is trying to win. God forbid they should pull the rug out and hand off the award to someone unexpected (QT was the biggest surprise of the night for me). And I call bullshit on that theme idea. The Academy often has a theme. Last year, the nominees allowed them to do an Old Hollywood theme. And I think it was 2006 when they were celebrating film itself (all the big nominees from 2005 were shot using 35mm). They really started cracking down on acceptance speeches about 2002-03, when every major event was stepping up precautions for a terrorist attack. It just became the norm, and that's really unfortunate.

You wanna watch an awards show that respects its nominees, try the Tonys.
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10:43AM on 03/05/2013
I don't think they should necessarily get rid of the song and dance numbers and skits. I mean, its supposed to be a SHOW. If they are just handing out awards, I can read the list the next day. If I am expected to actually watch they better try to entertain. Not that I watch nor are they doing well at entertaining anyone, but I certainly don't think trimming the SHOW part is the right direction to go.
I don't think they should necessarily get rid of the song and dance numbers and skits. I mean, its supposed to be a SHOW. If they are just handing out awards, I can read the list the next day. If I am expected to actually watch they better try to entertain. Not that I watch nor are they doing well at entertaining anyone, but I certainly don't think trimming the SHOW part is the right direction to go.
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10:42AM on 03/05/2013
I refuse to watch the Oscars for its bullshit but from what I hear from other that watch it, they'd probably agree with this article. For example, playing the Jaws theme to tell winners essentially "GET OFF THE STAGE" is exceptionally rude. Granted, even if Oscars did change to show more of the winners and less of the filler, I still won't watch it.
I refuse to watch the Oscars for its bullshit but from what I hear from other that watch it, they'd probably agree with this article. For example, playing the Jaws theme to tell winners essentially "GET OFF THE STAGE" is exceptionally rude. Granted, even if Oscars did change to show more of the winners and less of the filler, I still won't watch it.
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10:25AM on 03/05/2013
Yeah, I agree with you. Sometimes I feel Oscar ceremony drags too long. They can just cut here and there and make it just about 2 hours instead of 4 hours. I'd say cut out some comedy sideshows and some clip showings. But they must keep the "In Memoriam" part - that's a must. And give the award winner more time to say what he/she wants. I'd say 4-5 minutes top. Extra tidbit: I'd love to see Tina Fey be the host but she did say she doesn't want to do it so that's a bummer. Other than her?
Yeah, I agree with you. Sometimes I feel Oscar ceremony drags too long. They can just cut here and there and make it just about 2 hours instead of 4 hours. I'd say cut out some comedy sideshows and some clip showings. But they must keep the "In Memoriam" part - that's a must. And give the award winner more time to say what he/she wants. I'd say 4-5 minutes top. Extra tidbit: I'd love to see Tina Fey be the host but she did say she doesn't want to do it so that's a bummer. Other than her? Kristen Wiig.
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10:23AM on 03/05/2013

Amy Poehler & Tina Fey

...they were great at the Globes! but I would also give Conan O'Brien a shot.
This years show wasn't well organized, the Bond Tribute was a joke I think and why did they only let two of the nominated songs perform? Be fair and show all or none (I prefer second). And I agree on the musical numbers, kinda useless and random...
...they were great at the Globes! but I would also give Conan O'Brien a shot.
This years show wasn't well organized, the Bond Tribute was a joke I think and why did they only let two of the nominated songs perform? Be fair and show all or none (I prefer second). And I agree on the musical numbers, kinda useless and random...
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10:23AM on 03/05/2013
Either Craig Ferguson or Jimmy Kimmel should host next year. Cut out the musical numbers, the opening should be no longer than 3-5 minutes, no more theatrics for cheap laughs and grow a pair of balls.
Either Craig Ferguson or Jimmy Kimmel should host next year. Cut out the musical numbers, the opening should be no longer than 3-5 minutes, no more theatrics for cheap laughs and grow a pair of balls.
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+7
10:13AM on 03/05/2013
My vote goes to Craig Ferguson as the next host. That would be AWESOME!
My vote goes to Craig Ferguson as the next host. That would be AWESOME!
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