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C'MON HOLLYWOOD: Don't say "Final" unless you mean it!

Aug. 5, 2010by: J.A. Hamilton

...don't say "Final" unless you mean it!
by J.A. Hamilton

Marketing isnt an easy job or rather great marketing doesnt come easy. Hollywood do love their gimmicks (3-D being the latest craze) but the whole Final tag theyve been slapping on movie sequels lately (and periodically in the past but Ill get to that later) is starting to annoy me. When a singer announces his or her final tour, album or concert fans clamour to these events in droves expecting them to go out with a bang and the same can be said about films. If were told this will be the final instalment of a franchise and that weve saved the best for last (of course you have) we too get excited, hoping to see something amazing brought to the table. So if youre anything like me, you no doubt get angry when the so called final instalment was just a marketing ploy to get a few extra bucks at our expense.


"Dead!? I was just bullshittin and you know this man!"

Lets take the SAW franchise for example. Now truth be told I enjoy the SAW films. I enjoy them because I like horror films that cling to the horrific (violence, gore, nudity) and all the bells and whistles that come with it. That said, Ive been ever so curious after the third one as to exactly how in the Jesus they could keep it going. If you count the upcoming seventh, Jigsaws been dead for more films than hes been alive. This is fine on some levels I suppose but listening to one of the latest trailers for the new one, Jigsaws now re-using old taglines like you havent seen anything yet. We know dude, you told us that two or three movies ago. They say this is the final one and that everything has been building up to this one. Call me cynical but that sounds a lot like what hes been saying for the past couple. Lets just hope this really is the final SAW.


Seriously though, bring back Devon Sawa for the last one.

Next on my shit list are the FINAL DESTINATION flicks. Now I dug Devon Sawa when he was around (God knows where he disappeared to) and loved the premise of the first film. The second was straight to DVD fodder but sported one of the coolest opening death scenes ever in my opinion. Three was meh and "THE" FINAL DESTINATION (or so theyd have us believe) wasnt too bad but like the SAW films, lost its original flare yet still remained watchable. Of course, here we go again. Instead of letting the damn thing die (no pun intended) were getting a FINAL DESTINATION 5. But dont worry, the producers have promised this one will be darker (I guess somewhere down the line the idea of death hunting people down one by one and killing them in the most gruesome ways imaginable became a light hearted concept) in hopes of following in the originals footsteps. Umm, yay...I guess.


This was by far one of the worst installments.

Im not trying to pick on Horror films here but they do seem to be a glutton for punishment when it comes to this topic and the abuse started years ago. Remember FREDDYS DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE? They had Freddys last dance dressed to kill with Alice Cooper in there playing Freddys Dad (which didnt make a whole hell of a lot of sense to me) and the end dream battle was even in 3-D (yes, the idea of 3-D was super cool back then). The FRIDAY THE 13th films were worse though, they dropped the final F-bomb as far back as part 4 (FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER) and then AGAIN with JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (an all out crap fest and slap in the face to any fan of the series but having Freddys glove come up and pull Jasons mask under the sand at the end was still money).


The whole worm thing was a bit much.

To quote Big Worm from FRIDAY, playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, and thats exactly what Hollywoods doing when they mislead us into thinking these are the final films in any given franchise. Nobody likes to miss the last one and these marketing teams not only know this but use it to their advantage. Even SCARY MOVIE did it (despite making fun of the idea in a sense) by promising no sequels. Im not bashing sequels per se, but if youre going to go all out, balls to the wall and give us a final send off worth seeing in theatres, please, for the love of Christ, dont turn around and slap us in the face by putting out a new one the following year and scrambling to expand all the loose ends that were supposedly tied up for the finale as YES, it pisses us off.
Extra Tidbit: Even Tobin Bell has to be feeling itch of ridiculousness perpetrated by the SAW films at this point.
Source: JoBlo.com

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2:55AM on 08/07/2010

Agreed

I completely agree with you but sadly quality means nothing to studios these days and we all just have to accept this sort of money making scheme as I have.
I completely agree with you but sadly quality means nothing to studios these days and we all just have to accept this sort of money making scheme as I have.
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11:57PM on 08/05/2010

I take it that..

You don't like Brett Favre either...
The bottom line is if we watch it they will sell it. Even if we just watch to bitch about it the next day.
You don't like Brett Favre either...
The bottom line is if we watch it they will sell it. Even if we just watch to bitch about it the next day.
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10:06PM on 08/05/2010
The horror genre is the only one that can get away with making sequel sfter sequel. The one thing that pisses me off though is all these remakes for this so=called new generation, in other words the children to those who grew up watching the originals in the first damn place.
The horror genre is the only one that can get away with making sequel sfter sequel. The one thing that pisses me off though is all these remakes for this so=called new generation, in other words the children to those who grew up watching the originals in the first damn place.
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+2
8:51PM on 08/05/2010
I always laughed at the fact that Scary Movie's poster boasted "no sequels" and still spawned a bunch anyway. Marketing = lies.
I always laughed at the fact that Scary Movie's poster boasted "no sequels" and still spawned a bunch anyway. Marketing = lies.
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6:00PM on 08/05/2010
There's no end the amount of crap trickling out of theatres these days and to wish for an end to the madness is futile. I'll watch the next Saw but I'm not interested in another Final Destination at all.
There's no end the amount of crap trickling out of theatres these days and to wish for an end to the madness is futile. I'll watch the next Saw but I'm not interested in another Final Destination at all.
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5:08PM on 08/05/2010
Whatever happened with Shrek 4? I saw some posters that said "Shrek: Forever After" and others that said "Shrek: The Final Chapter." Either way, I doubt it'll be the last, Meyers, Murphey, and Diaz have all had some huge flops the last few years.
Whatever happened with Shrek 4? I saw some posters that said "Shrek: Forever After" and others that said "Shrek: The Final Chapter." Either way, I doubt it'll be the last, Meyers, Murphey, and Diaz have all had some huge flops the last few years.
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3:51PM on 08/05/2010
You're right, it's totally annoying that these movies never seem to end even when promised but I've come to terms with the fact that Hollywood is greedy and won't let anything that can make a buck die.
You're right, it's totally annoying that these movies never seem to end even when promised but I've come to terms with the fact that Hollywood is greedy and won't let anything that can make a buck die.
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+2
3:31PM on 08/05/2010
I wouldn't be a bit surprised if a SAW 8 comes a knocking next year, especially if this next one racks in some mad cash. I totally agree with the article though.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised if a SAW 8 comes a knocking next year, especially if this next one racks in some mad cash. I totally agree with the article though.
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1:27PM on 08/05/2010

Cool article

I agree with the article on most points, especially on Saw (even though I do love them). The points made with Freddy and Jason, are a bit iffy with me because I love all of those movies so much (even the crappy ones). I think the biggest blunder was the Halloween franchise. Halloween:H20 was a great way to end the franchise and had a great ending. Then they had to go and ruin it by making another shitty sequel.
I agree with the article on most points, especially on Saw (even though I do love them). The points made with Freddy and Jason, are a bit iffy with me because I love all of those movies so much (even the crappy ones). I think the biggest blunder was the Halloween franchise. Halloween:H20 was a great way to end the franchise and had a great ending. Then they had to go and ruin it by making another shitty sequel.
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12:01PM on 08/05/2010

I know I'll get flamed for this, but

..."all things horrific", such as violence, gore, and...nudity? 'Cause there's nothing more horrific than the bare human form, right? If anything that's what I have an issue with horror films on: turning something like a naked body into a symbol of horrific exploitation in audiences' minds, the same way they treat mass death sequences as cool and entertaining (FD2). If a movie needs violence, gore, or nudity, it needs it, but I'm so tired of the cheap exploitation of these things under the
..."all things horrific", such as violence, gore, and...nudity? 'Cause there's nothing more horrific than the bare human form, right? If anything that's what I have an issue with horror films on: turning something like a naked body into a symbol of horrific exploitation in audiences' minds, the same way they treat mass death sequences as cool and entertaining (FD2). If a movie needs violence, gore, or nudity, it needs it, but I'm so tired of the cheap exploitation of these things under the guise of genre values. There - way off topic and morally condescending - have at me.
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12:21PM on 08/05/2010
Otherwise though, I agree with the general concensus: it gets old, but it's been old a while now. A truly final flick will likely have the integrity to leave it out of their title, anyway.
Otherwise though, I agree with the general concensus: it gets old, but it's been old a while now. A truly final flick will likely have the integrity to leave it out of their title, anyway.
1:06PM on 08/05/2010
Well said, sir.
Well said, sir.
3:32PM on 08/05/2010
I think he was just listing charactaristics that apply to horror generally, I don't think he meant them as "horrific".
I think he was just listing charactaristics that apply to horror generally, I don't think he meant them as "horrific".
4:12PM on 08/05/2010
Oh I'm sure he didn't mean it exclusively; it's more the liesure comprehension of nudity as a qualifier for good horror (it's even one of the rating focusses on Arrow) that comes off lazy and nasty, at least to me.
Oh I'm sure he didn't mean it exclusively; it's more the liesure comprehension of nudity as a qualifier for good horror (it's even one of the rating focusses on Arrow) that comes off lazy and nasty, at least to me.
11:44AM on 08/05/2010
I'm with you on this one.

On a side note.. your first paragraph was pretty painful to read. I'm not trying to be "that guy" or anything... but it was rough.
I'm with you on this one.

On a side note.. your first paragraph was pretty painful to read. I'm not trying to be "that guy" or anything... but it was rough.
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3:53PM on 08/05/2010
I didn't find it rough at all, I thought it made sense in building up his point.
I didn't find it rough at all, I thought it made sense in building up his point.
11:19AM on 08/05/2010
It really doesn't just apply to horror. Toy Story might have another. Wasn't Shrek 3 supposed to be the last? Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Not that I haven't enjoyed the films, just that the article's premise is correct.
It really doesn't just apply to horror. Toy Story might have another. Wasn't Shrek 3 supposed to be the last? Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Not that I haven't enjoyed the films, just that the article's premise is correct.
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11:27AM on 08/05/2010
none of those movies you list have anything indicating the final installment in any of their titles.
none of those movies you list have anything indicating the final installment in any of their titles.
6:01PM on 08/05/2010
I get the Last Crusade one but the others don't really apply here. I do agree they should end though.
I get the Last Crusade one but the others don't really apply here. I do agree they should end though.
7:37PM on 08/05/2010
i dont think you guys understand what a crusade is. the crusades were religious journeys in medieval times that further proved Christianity. Finding the holy grail (the premise of Indy 3) would have been the last, final, end all of crusades. it has nothing to do with Indy's last adventure. read a book for crying outloud.
i dont think you guys understand what a crusade is. the crusades were religious journeys in medieval times that further proved Christianity. Finding the holy grail (the premise of Indy 3) would have been the last, final, end all of crusades. it has nothing to do with Indy's last adventure. read a book for crying outloud.
8:52PM on 08/05/2010
I'm pretty sure people understand what the crusades were, but I think what they meant was the word "last" was in the title for that one.
I'm pretty sure people understand what the crusades were, but I think what they meant was the word "last" was in the title for that one.
11:11AM on 08/05/2010
I saw him talk about how this final saw is going to put all the pieces of the puzzle together and it's going to end the series finally. I believe saw should of ended at part 3 since it had a great storyline and of course we all know the ending to that movie.

Final destination on the other hand would never die since the whole movie is basically a bunch of stupid kids dying at random moments of the movie it's pretty funny yet lame at the same time.
I saw him talk about how this final saw is going to put all the pieces of the puzzle together and it's going to end the series finally. I believe saw should of ended at part 3 since it had a great storyline and of course we all know the ending to that movie.

Final destination on the other hand would never die since the whole movie is basically a bunch of stupid kids dying at random moments of the movie it's pretty funny yet lame at the same time.
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10:06AM on 08/05/2010
theyre all shitty horror movies (which i love) that are all guilty pleasures. who cares what the title says?

Its like people who are dissappointed with F13 pt. 8, because the title says "jason takes manhattan" but nyc makes up only like 20 minutes. i tell those people this: If you seriously feel you have been duped by the title of a Jason movie, you've got bigger issues to worry about than the content of the movie.
theyre all shitty horror movies (which i love) that are all guilty pleasures. who cares what the title says?

Its like people who are dissappointed with F13 pt. 8, because the title says "jason takes manhattan" but nyc makes up only like 20 minutes. i tell those people this: If you seriously feel you have been duped by the title of a Jason movie, you've got bigger issues to worry about than the content of the movie.
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9:32AM on 08/05/2010
You're definitely right about Saw, they've been quoting Jigsaw saying the exact same thing. Apparently all of his work has been leading up to Saw 3D, but wait, I thought all of his work was leading to Saw III and VI.
You're definitely right about Saw, they've been quoting Jigsaw saying the exact same thing. Apparently all of his work has been leading up to Saw 3D, but wait, I thought all of his work was leading to Saw III and VI.
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8:52AM on 08/05/2010

Now, I understand the Freddy's Dead poster...

...but I never knew Freddy died before his seventh birthday. Heeyoooo!!
...but I never knew Freddy died before his seventh birthday. Heeyoooo!!
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8:32AM on 08/05/2010

Speaking of Tobin...

When I interviewed him for Saw VI in Toronto, Tobin seemed SO layed back about the whole series at this point. He's just counting the paycheck's at this point.
When I interviewed him for Saw VI in Toronto, Tobin seemed SO layed back about the whole series at this point. He's just counting the paycheck's at this point.
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5:12AM on 08/05/2010
The only "final" I enjoy is Final Fantasy and even then, it's latest sequel wasn't too great so the world is just plain falling apart on all sides these days.
The only "final" I enjoy is Final Fantasy and even then, it's latest sequel wasn't too great so the world is just plain falling apart on all sides these days.
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1:46AM on 08/05/2010

yea..

dead is dead, and lawd i wish they would keep it so. fuckin final destination, a horror movie about accidental death, and saw, a dead dude that had so much fore sight that he could plan 2 more movies after his death. and if it aint the dead commin back it some shitty 'reimagining'. it was shit the first time, no need to make it better, you can shine a turd but it will still be shit.
dead is dead, and lawd i wish they would keep it so. fuckin final destination, a horror movie about accidental death, and saw, a dead dude that had so much fore sight that he could plan 2 more movies after his death. and if it aint the dead commin back it some shitty 'reimagining'. it was shit the first time, no need to make it better, you can shine a turd but it will still be shit.
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+2
1:26AM on 08/05/2010
Agreed, but I actually stop expecting the final to be the final, especially when the movie is crap. Using final in the marketing is an obvious ploy. SAW is a poor example because they had already announced up to 8 films in the franchise, so them using things like the circle is complete and such in their marketing was poor advertising. As for The Final Destination, I had my doubts, but the movie was successful enough, yet did a pretty big disservice to the series that I expected another one.
Agreed, but I actually stop expecting the final to be the final, especially when the movie is crap. Using final in the marketing is an obvious ploy. SAW is a poor example because they had already announced up to 8 films in the franchise, so them using things like the circle is complete and such in their marketing was poor advertising. As for The Final Destination, I had my doubts, but the movie was successful enough, yet did a pretty big disservice to the series that I expected another one. It's usually pretty obvious when a franchise will continue, so, while saying that the final film is coming out and lying to us is pretty crappy, I also don't put much stock into it unless I really see something that suggests the end to a franchise.
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1:13AM on 08/05/2010

I'm pretty sure it's "Per se"

In either case, very good column this month and I agree. Hated most of the "final" films save for "Freddy's Dead" which is a guilty pleasure.
In either case, very good column this month and I agree. Hated most of the "final" films save for "Freddy's Dead" which is a guilty pleasure.
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+7
12:45AM on 08/05/2010
You get a thumbs up just for quoting Big Perm...I mean Big Worm!
You get a thumbs up just for quoting Big Perm...I mean Big Worm!
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2:08PM on 08/05/2010
He must have just watched Friday, because there are 2 Friday quotes in the article..."and you know this man..."
He must have just watched Friday, because there are 2 Friday quotes in the article..."and you know this man..."
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