C’mon Hollywood: Enough with teasers for trailers already!

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Last week there was a teaser for the trailer of THE EXPENDABLES 2 released, which featured Terry Crews grabbing his dick and yelling and screaming and then a bunch of explosions. In the middle of it, Crews comes back onscreen, letting us know that “Hell nah, now you know you got to have a trailer for the trailer now, son!” as if to reiterate the new stupidity that has infested the interwebs in a way that we should just accept it.

But let’s face it folks; teasers for trailers are straight f*cking bullshit and we don’t have to like it. I can accept a teaser trailer and actually quite enjoy them, but how in the holy hell can you justify a teaser for a trailer? It’s a numbers game, really. If people click on and view the teaser for the trailer then it generates buzz for the studio. It generates numbers. And I get it. Why wouldn’t a studio use that as a tool to gauge where they stand with their investment? Unfortunately, the people that suffer are the fans who endure the silly shit, like lab rats in an experiment.

Today, movie sites are the biggest they’ve ever been with more and more fans flocking to them to get their movie fix. And I love it. Having fans gather in one specific place on the web to share their passion about movies is awesome. It supports the fans and the industry at the same time. However, as web 2.0 grows there are certain things that can get obnoxious and annoying, with teasers for trailers taking the taco at the moment. Nobody had any idea that this trend would become the new norm.

We sold our souls for a few seconds of Total Recall and now we’re stuck with these f*cking things. Or are we?

I see the relationship between the Internet and movie studios as a mutually symbiotic relationship, much like Eddie Brock and Venom. They both thrive off each other. Most people realize that Hollywood is a business and they’re selling a product. I can appreciate that. And, in truth, I WANT Hollywood to make money. I want the industry to be booming. And why? Because I want more awesome movies! And awesome movies cost money, whether they’re an independent film made for ten grand or a $200 million comic book movie.

Naturally, when a studio invests that kind of money they want to see a return on investment so they’ll do just about anything to promote their film. With a teaser for a trailer generating thousands of hits, it’s just another layer of buzz. But, it’s also asinine, redundant, and a waste of the consumer’s time. There is a thing called mutual respect, both for the entrepreneur and the consumer. When you consider that we have become an audience that wants fast and succinct information in the digital age, you’d think that teasing a trailer would be left on the cutting room floor. Why waste our time?

Teasers for trailers are as bad as an untreated STD. They are probably THE most obnoxious trend to hit the web since websites that play music. And the thing is, Hollywood doesn’t need them to sell their movie. The TOTAL RECALL trailer was sweet as shit. The teaser for it didn’t get me jazzed to see the whole thing, it made me annoyed that they would even do that.

We talk a lot about nameless/faceless “Hollywood,” but the fact is the industry is chock full of all types of people working all types of jobs. Yeah, there’s some jackasses, just like there are jackasses in every industry. I don’t see “Hollywood” as the bad guy, I see them as a conglomerate of individuals creating a product. Call it entertainment, call it art, call it mindless dribble, either way it’s an industry and the industry needs cash to thrive. However, after more than a hundred years of making films, I like to think that they’re better than this.

There are a number of marketing gimmicks out there that are a-okay with me. Teaser trailers? Excellent. Official images? Nice. Character posters? Love ‘em. Web virals? Keep ‘em comin’. Live chats? Cool. Naked pics of Olivia Munn in a dressing room? Well, if you’re gonna twist my arm.

I think the end state here is that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Hollywood has come a long way in its marketing system and these teasers for trailers feel like a step backwards.

Simply put: Hollywood, you’re better than this. Can you please knock this teaser for the trailer bullshit off already?