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C'mon, Hollywood: Why haven't we gotten a Don't, Thanksgiving or Werewolf Women of the S.S. movie yet?

01.21.2014

When I snuck into GRINDHOUSE almost seven years ago, it only took me about five minutes to realize just how good of a time I was about to have and it's still easily one of the best experiences I've had in a movie theater. One thing that I personally hadn't seen before was the use of fake movie trailers and it was something that I had an absolute blast with. Years later, we've finally gotten a Blu-Ray release of the movie (before it was just PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF as two separate films) complete with the fake trailers. However, not only is Robert Rodriguez the only director to have released his trailer inspired film, MACHETE, but he's also made its sequel, MACHETE KILLS

The fake trailer for MACHETE that played before GRINDHOUSE was brilliant. It was campy, bloody, hilarious, sexy and star-studded, so when a feature film based on the trailer was announced, I was stoked. While the actual film version of MACHETE was a passable piece of so-so entertainment, MACHETE KILLS was absolutely terrible. It was an overlong, one-joke premise of a movie filled with dialogue, performances and action sequences that weren't nearly as witty, exciting or fun as those involved must've thought they were. This column, though, wasn't written to bash Robert Rodriguez or his MACHETE films. Although, if we've gotten two MACHETE movies, why haven't we gotten ANY for WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE S.S., DON'T or THANKSGIVING

Rob Zombie set himself back a few notches with his abysmal HALLOWEEN II remake and after the visually exciting, but ultimately dull LORDS OF SALEM, WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE S.S. would be an interesting avenue for him to go down next. Eli Roth and his history of gruesome horror with a bizarre sense of humor would be perfect to helm THANKSGIVING. Edgar Wright may be the hardest one to nab for DON'T. With him taking on ANT-MAN, who knows when the guy will be available again. However, it may be worth the wait. He's easily the most talented dude in this group of filmmakers and his filmography doesn't have a single stinker in it. He perfected the art of spoofing with horror in SHAUN OF THE DEAD and buddy action flicks in HOT FUZZ, so watching him tackle a riff on 70's European horror would be absolutely killer. So, what's the hold up? 

One of the biggest problems that these filmmakers are going to face if they end up making these films is that such a small percentage of the population will be in on the joke. Their movies are going to have to somehow be self aware enough that the audience goes with it from the get go, but not be too obvious to the point of it being an all out mockery. When the trailers were attached to GRINDHOUSE, there was a reason for the humor and their existence, but with the release of a full fledged film, it would be a little more tricky. Another problem is that these directors may not want to revisit the trailers as theatrical releases. The character of Machete is one that's been with Rodriguez ever since SPY KIDS, so this seems like something he's passionate about. All things considered, Zombie, Roth and (especially) Wright have moved on to bigger things and making a follow up to their fake trailers may be something that they're simply not especially interested in. 

Out of these three directors, though, it seems like Eli Roth is the most interested in a follow up. He came up with the idea to make a movie completely comprised of fake movie trailers and release it under the title of TRAILER TRASH. I think that's an absolutely terrible idea, but he's also shown interest in making THANKSGIVING a feature film. It's been quite some time since either project has been talked about, but THANKSGIVING was my favorite trailer of the bunch and now that Roth is coming off of THE GREEN INFERNO, he may have a little extra time on his hands and if it's spent making a THANKSGIVING movie, I'm all for it. 

One interesting direction that I'd like to see them go in would be to make an anthology film. Each director would be in charge of making a 30 - 40 minute short on the trailer they originally directed and all three films would be released as one (think CREEPSHOW or TRICK 'R TREAT). That way, the budget would be small, the gimmick would be presented to the audience from the get go and the movie wouldn't go overboard as far as time is concerned. Hell, they could even throw in a couple of fake trailers into the movie just in case they want to make a sequel or two. That's a TRAILER TRASH movie that I could get behind. 

So, C'mon, Hollywood! Let's see at least one of these movies get made, whether it be WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE S.S., THANKSGIVING or DON'T. I realize it may be a little difficult and audiences may not lap it up immediately, but with the insanely fun/bizarre subject matter and talented filmmakers behind the projects, these could be ridiculously cool to check out someitme. I just hope there's a chance we get to see one of these things before Rodriguez releases MACHETE KILLS AGAIN IN SPACE. Ugh. 

Extra Tidbit: Out of the three trailers, which would you most want to see made into a feature film?
Source: JoBlo

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