Cohen goes Medieval

See ya later, xXxtreme superspy Xander Cage. Director Rob Cohen is reportedly ditching the next planned xXx movie, news that will undoubtedly disappoint at least three people in the known universe (including Vin Diesel).

Instead, Cohen will make MEDIEVAL, a McG-produced “event-sized action film” that he describes as “THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN in the Middle Ages” (and yes, we’ll overlook the fact that was already a remake of SEVEN SAMURAI). According to Variety, the pricey script will “tap into the historical period and create a heightened reality with big action pieces,” and “brings together warriors from disparate cultures.” All set to blaring music from an incongruous crap-rock soundtrack, one assumes.

Though his 90s filmography contains watchable efforts like THE RAT PACK, DRAGONHEART and DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY (and I’ll even shamefully admit THE SKULLS is a guilty pleasure), Cohen has more recently concentrated his career on glossy, expensive and relentlessly noisy garbage. And while he’s not immune to the stench of his own shit (the crash-and-burn of STEALTH essentially sunk his big-budget Keanu Reeves SINBAD project), the $400 million worldwide box office of THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR was apparently enough to keep him out of Directors Jail.