COMIC CON: Machete Party and Footage!
There’s only one kind of party Machete would throw and since San Diego would not permit Fox to host a full scale revolution in the Gaslamp District, a Machete block party would have to do.
And an authentic Latino neighborhood bash it was in the 5-Star parking lot Thursday night, complete with lowrider cars, tricked out motorcycles, dancing girls, graffiti artists and the most badass taco truck you’ve ever seen. There were even some fine gentlemen enjoying each other’s company in lawn chairs. As guests enjoyed the free Tecate and tequila (a lethal combination), Danny Trejo slowly snuck up on the stage and put one fist in the air, silencing the crowd as the lights went black and the MACHETE trailer started.
After the preview finished, director Robert Rodriguez took the stage and quickly made a border joke, a nod to the infamous Cinco de Mayo-Arizona trailer. He then thanked everyone for coming out and for supporting this character, saying that more than SIN CITY 2 he gets asked about the Machete movie. And after years of simply placating fans by lying and saying he was working on it, Rodriguez convinced the studio that he had enough support to give the “first Mexican superhero” his own film.
He had the idea for Machete when he met Trejo 16 years ago doing DESPERADO (even though Wikipedia says they’re cousins) and has put him in as many movies as he could and named him after cutlery of some sort (Navajas, Razor Charlie, Cuchillo). He joked that soon he’d have to cast him as a character named Butter Knife. Michelle Rodriguez came out next, followed by the man of the night, Danny Trejo. Judging by how humble and appreciative he was, it’s safe to say the 66 year old actor (who is surprisingly short) is still in shock at how big a star he’s become. There was a Hallmark moment as Trejo soaked in the night, and then Rodriguez introduced the footage we were about to see.
All he said was, “Keep in mind that the human intestine is ten times longer than the body. That’s a true fact.” I then knew that we were in for a good time.
- The first of three clips highlighted the hero’s mojo more than his machetes. Machete lies in bed while he and Michelle Rodriguez (pre-eye patch) discuss justice, freedom, vengeance…all that good stuff. She calls Machete a legend and soon porno music kicks in as Rodriguez mounts him and the screen cuts to black. Trejo gets laid and the audience cheers.
-The next clip starts with Machete again in bed with a woman. This time it’s Jessica Alba, who wakes up cuddling the handsome Latino. She checks her chest and her crotch for signs of Trejo sex, finds none and says, “You’re such a gentleman, Machete.” They cuddle some more (seriously Machete?) before he senses impending danger in the form of bad guys breaking in to the house. Soon a gun/fist fight ensues, with Machete shooting dudes and stabbing dudes. At one point he runs out of knives and breaks a mirror so he can use the shattered pieces to chew bubblegum and slit throats. Alba gets in on the action too, even using her high heels for maximum bloody impact. It’s very reminiscent of the similar scene in DESPERADO, but I’ll take Trejo over Banderas any day. (Hayek vs. Alba is a different story.)
-The final scene was by far the most crowd pleasing. It starts with Robert DeNiro’s senator watching a news report saying that Machete is in the hospital. He tells his right-hand man, played by Jeff Fahey, to take care of it. Let me repeat that: DeNiro shares a scene with Jeff Fahey. All is right with the world.
Cut to Machete waking up in the hospital. He gets a warning that more bad guys are on their way, so he hobbles over to the operating table and looks at the tools available to him: a bone saw and a bunch of scalpels. His doctors says, “You don’t want that. It can cut through flesh like butter!” He then rips the belt off one of the attractive young nurses (played by the same Babysitter Twins from GRINDHOUSE). Now the bad guys are outside, but Machete is able to sneak behind them. In slow motion he drops a handmade weapon: A belt-rope with 5 scalpels. Soon the Mexican you don’t want to f*ck with is swinging, slicing and dicing henchman in incredibly bloody ways. Then he pulls out the bone saw and punches it through some dudes stomach. He notices that more bad guys are on their way, so to assist with his hasty escape, HE GRABS THE GUYS INTESTINES AND USES THEM AS ROPE TO SWING OUT OF THE BUILDING. It was probably the most functional disemboweling I’ve ever seen and the crowd went nuts.
I loved the MACHETE trailer in front of GRINDHOUSE, but the latest preview for the full length movie just felt off to me, perhaps due to the pacing or the choice of music. But these precious few minutes of very hard-R footage has restored my faith in Rodriguez and Trejo to pull off something very special this August. Viva Machete!
Check out more pics from the party below!
|Extra Tidbit:||I wonder if Trejo and Stallone took some time out today during the Con to reminisce about working together in LOCK UP.|