Cruise and Kidman back together!
I always knew that this would happen. Yes! I know that this isn't really "movie news" per se, but it's nice when two people can get back together like this...especially in Hollywood! Hurray Tom....
I've cut and paste the entire article below:
Tom and Nicole drop divorce "for the kids sake"
Sun Mar 31,11:59 PM ET
ANGELES (The Australian Horizon) - Only thirteen months after filing for a divorce, actor Tom Cruise has reportedly halted all divorce proceedings and flown to Sydney, Australia to reunite with his former wife and mother of his children, actress Nicole Kidman. Cruise apparently showed up at Kidman's family home with 396 red roses, one for each day that he's been away from her and their two adopted children, Connor, 6, and Isabella, 8. A spokesman for Cruise said, "Tom had a very rough year and he finally came to realize that his family meant more to him than his career."
Cruise, who's always been disturbed by rumors of his homosexuality addressed that issue as well, "I've never had to prove my sexuality to anyone, but seeing as the world has taken such a great interest, I believe it's only fair to let everyone know that I am a bisexual man". Cruise admitted to having slept with a few members of the cast of "Interview with a Vampire", which was an apparent "gay fest" and a "blast", according to the blockbuster star.
Kidman, who just got completed the best year of her career, also stated that she was happy to see Tom return, "I have to admit that I never knew why he left me in the first place, but seeing him standing outside with all those flowers around him, I just couldn't help but remember the first time that we kissed and I had to remove my high heels just so that he could reach my mouth. It was a beautiful moment and I'm glad that Tom is back for the kids' sake."
Director Steven Spielberg, who recently directed Tom in the upcoming summer movie "Minority Report", said that Tom was "depressed" and "acting very queen-like" on the set of the film, and worried about his future. "I remember walking into his trailer one day and seeing Tom dressed up like a little girl, watching "Moulin Rouge" over and over again. I couldn't believe that this was the same guy who used to perform impossible missions." Spielberg went on to say that he is still "good friends" with Cruise, despite "that whole Scientology thing".
"I think Tom watched "Jerry Maguire" again recently and realized that his life didn't have that much meaning without his wife and children", said Spielberg. "In fact, I remember him walking into my office drunk one day and announcing, "Show me the Nicole!" I swear I almost broke down like a bitch right then and there and told him to "go for it". After a few trips to the local whorehouse, Tom realized that sex and love weren't the same thing. He then realized that they were the same thing, but wanted Nic back anyway. It was a wonderful transformation and I only wish that I gave half a crap about my wife as he now does for Nic."
And what about Cruise's main squeeze for the past eleven months, the lovely Spanish actress Penelope Cruz? Well, once again, Tom admits that life isn't always easy, "I will always love Penelope, but the truth of the matter is that she is just too tall for me, I could barely make out anything that she said and she's continually being talked about as the "next big thing", but after three or five flops in a row, it's obvious that she's no Nicole. I miss Nick! Nicole, too!"
The one person who wasn't surprised to hear about any of this was actor and Nicole's co-star in "Moulin Rouge", Ewan McGregor. The British actor, who was also plagued by rumors of his "dalliance" with Nicole on the set of the film, said simply, "The only thing I ever got from Nicole was professionalism, an amazing acting range and a few handjobs in my trailer. I never considered that "sex" because a hand is a hand is a hand." But mostly, McGregor was relieved that the two got back together because he was getting tired of all the phone calls, "Tom would call me at all times of the night, asking to go out for coffee, referring to me as Renton and telling me that I "had him at hello". I never really knew what Tom's problem was, but I will say that I am very happy to see them back together."
Today, Tom and Nicole both came out with a joint statement about their reconciliation, "We are both happy to return to our normal lives and we hope that the media can respect our privacy, as well as the privacy of our children, during this very strange time in our lives. We also want to thank JoBlo.com for consistently nailing us on every April Fool's Day, including this one, which includes this article which is a lie from top to bottom."
Tom also thanked a few of the grips on the set of "Interview with a Vampire", and his fans for their constant support. "I hope that I can continue to elicit idiotic humor such as this fake article for years to come and I hope to God that no one ever believes that I am a heterosexual male, despite the fact that I've been married twice, love women, have two kids and dated that Spanish chick for a year."
Nicole was also very happy with the turn of events, except for the fact that she apparently can no longer wear high heels again, "I don't mind the high heels so much as I resent the fact that Tom's a short dick man, but I guess that's part of the give-and-take of marriage. In the end, I love Tom for who he is and not for how short he stands or how big his bank account is…which is very big, incidentally!" And what about Penelope, Nicole? "I don't have any comments for her, other than to tell her to go f**k herself and once and for all, try to find her own man instead of breaking up other people's relationships with her "cuteness" and mediocre acting talents."
On an apparently "clever" twist on their own movies, the press release ended with the line: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love or to seduce and destroy a la Frank J. Mackey." Nobody knows what it means for sure, but we do know that Tom and Nicole are back together for good and despite the unbelievable amount of hate and violence still present in the world today, life is good with those two dating again.
Tom's next film is "Minority Report" co-starring the next big thing in acting, Colin Farrell, while Nicole will continue to gloat about her amazing films from 2001 and work on her next picture entitled "The Human Stain", currently shooting in Montreal, Canada. She was recently seen dating a local webmaster in those parts, but dumped his sorry ass after noting that he too was "too short" for her. The webmaster was apparently a little "hurt" by the breakup but would never stoop so low as to write a fake article about her, just to prove his love to her and the rest of the world. No…he would never do that.
Berge Garabedian aka JoBlo
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