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First trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn hints at its utter lunacy

Jun. 6, 2011by: George Merchan

It's odd, but I have to admit that I'm pretty interested in the final two chapters of THE TWILIGHT SAGA. It's a one-two combo for me: Bill Condon (KINSEY, GODS AND MONSTERS) directing and the sheer craziness of the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart sex scene, as well as the resulting internal pummeling Stewart receives from a f*cking fetus. I mean, c'mon!

A trailer for the first part of BREAKING DAWN has gone online this past weekend, and now you can catch a glimpse of the aforementioned wackiness. Is it enough to pique your interest, though?

BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 opens November 18th.

Synopsis: In the highly anticipated next chapter of the blockbuster The Twilight Saga, the newfound married bliss of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is cut short when a series of betrayals and misfortunes threatens to destroy their world.

After their wedding, Bella and Edward travel to Rio de Janeiro for their honeymoon, where they finally give in to their passions. Bella soon discovers she is pregnant, and during a nearly fatal childbirth, Edward finally fulfills her wish to become immortal.

But the arrival of their remarkable daughter, Renesmee, sets in motion a perilous chain of events that pits the Cullens and their allies against the Volturi, the fearsome council of vampire leaders, setting the stage for an all-out battle.


Extra Tidbit: You'd think Edward would be somewhat considerate before deciding to pummel his freshly minted wife's cervix into oblivion.
Source: JoBlo.com

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6:43AM on 06/06/2011

They've got to be fucking joking right?

The entire movie is about them getting married and then they have sex? I feel so sorry for the person who had to edit this trailer.

Director to the trailer editor: "Okay, I know that the story is utterly fucking retarded and there's not a person on Earth who would ever consider marrying that cunt Bella. But I need you to add in epic choirs and bullshit hype that leads up to....THE WEDDING!"
The entire movie is about them getting married and then they have sex? I feel so sorry for the person who had to edit this trailer.

Director to the trailer editor: "Okay, I know that the story is utterly fucking retarded and there's not a person on Earth who would ever consider marrying that cunt Bella. But I need you to add in epic choirs and bullshit hype that leads up to....THE WEDDING!"
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-5
6:50AM on 06/06/2011
OMG I can't wait.
OMG I can't wait.
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7:00AM on 06/06/2011
Speaking of this, did anyone else think Pattinson was an obnoxious ass last night
Speaking of this, did anyone else think Pattinson was an obnoxious ass last night
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8:05AM on 06/06/2011

If I took my shirt off and ran in the rain everytime I had to stop a wedding...

I'd be missing one shirt.
I'd be missing one shirt.
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8:08AM on 06/06/2011
"You are cordially invited... to the event... where Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson stare blankly at each other for two hours. Yet AGAIN."
"You are cordially invited... to the event... where Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson stare blankly at each other for two hours. Yet AGAIN."
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8:12AM on 06/06/2011
I gotta say this is maybe the best trailer yet in the Twilight series. It's mercifully short on bad special effects. I'm also a fan of Bill Condon, so I hope he actually can make a decent movie out of this.
I gotta say this is maybe the best trailer yet in the Twilight series. It's mercifully short on bad special effects. I'm also a fan of Bill Condon, so I hope he actually can make a decent movie out of this.
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8:27AM on 06/06/2011
If David Slade couldn't make a decent sequel, no one can.
If David Slade couldn't make a decent sequel, no one can.
8:14AM on 06/06/2011

holy shit

this looks fuckin retarded not to mention fucking terrible and fucking predictable and fucking future mtv movie awards winner and fucking pg-13 pussy tween crap
this looks fuckin retarded not to mention fucking terrible and fucking predictable and fucking future mtv movie awards winner and fucking pg-13 pussy tween crap
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8:18AM on 06/06/2011
the new trailer for Fright Night was better
the new trailer for Fright Night was better
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11:39AM on 06/06/2011
The new commercial for Sherwin-Williams all-season deck finish was better.
The new commercial for Sherwin-Williams all-season deck finish was better.
8:28AM on 06/06/2011
Wesley Snipes needs to Blade it up and kill them all
Wesley Snipes needs to Blade it up and kill them all
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8:29AM on 06/06/2011
WTF... aren't vampires dead. So how does this shit supposed to work? How does a vampire get someone pregnant?

This is getting ridiculous. ..And I thought part 3 was bad. I think I'm getting off the train here.
WTF... aren't vampires dead. So how does this shit supposed to work? How does a vampire get someone pregnant?

This is getting ridiculous. ..And I thought part 3 was bad. I think I'm getting off the train here.
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8:42AM on 06/06/2011
For those who haven't read the book (no spoilers) if you think this looks bad, it gets even more idiotic in the second half. The next one will be the most laughable in the series.
For those who haven't read the book (no spoilers) if you think this looks bad, it gets even more idiotic in the second half. The next one will be the most laughable in the series.
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9:10AM on 06/06/2011
I'm pretty sure even hardcore fans of the books will be bored to tears by these two movies. My sister likes the books (she claims she understands the absurdity but that it's a guilty pleasure), and she has serious doubts about how they're going to stretch out a few minor events over the course of two 2 hr movies.
I'm pretty sure even hardcore fans of the books will be bored to tears by these two movies. My sister likes the books (she claims she understands the absurdity but that it's a guilty pleasure), and she has serious doubts about how they're going to stretch out a few minor events over the course of two 2 hr movies.
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9:44AM on 06/06/2011
The honeymoon-sex scene looks like it will be hilariously bad. Like...'softcore cable t.v. porn' bad.
The honeymoon-sex scene looks like it will be hilariously bad. Like...'softcore cable t.v. porn' bad.
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1:50AM on 06/07/2011
Bow chikka wow wow
wakka chikka wakka chikka. Ahh I can just hear the bad porn music wafting along as Stewart does her expressionless stare into the Patts eyes. (rolls eyes).
Bow chikka wow wow
wakka chikka wakka chikka. Ahh I can just hear the bad porn music wafting along as Stewart does her expressionless stare into the Patts eyes. (rolls eyes).
+2
9:53AM on 06/06/2011

money

Is this the new trailer for a new WB show? I wold assume with the bucket loads of money these insanely terrible movies make, they would increase the budget and at least TRY to make this not a cheesefest. Unless it's supposed to be that way and I am not getting it. I was embarrassed watching the trailer.
Is this the new trailer for a new WB show? I wold assume with the bucket loads of money these insanely terrible movies make, they would increase the budget and at least TRY to make this not a cheesefest. Unless it's supposed to be that way and I am not getting it. I was embarrassed watching the trailer.
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11:33AM on 06/06/2011
you sound easily embarrassed. I'd love to have you around at parties.
you sound easily embarrassed. I'd love to have you around at parties.
10:07AM on 06/06/2011
This looks amazingly bad. Possibly historic. I'm counting the months until I can rent it and watch it under the influence of anything that makes it more interesting. It's a depressing tradition I have for these movies. Or maybe it's a deep dark secret, I don't really know.
This looks amazingly bad. Possibly historic. I'm counting the months until I can rent it and watch it under the influence of anything that makes it more interesting. It's a depressing tradition I have for these movies. Or maybe it's a deep dark secret, I don't really know.
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10:09AM on 06/06/2011
Does it have a chance to get a nomination in the Best Picture - Comedy or Musical at the Golden Globes ?
Does it have a chance to get a nomination in the Best Picture - Comedy or Musical at the Golden Globes ?
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10:19AM on 06/06/2011
"Extra Tidbit: You'd think Edward would be somewhat considerate before deciding to pummel his freshly minted wife's cervix into oblivion."

You make it sound like he isn't a vampire asshole that Buffy would stake without a second thought. Bella's personality must be exactly what Eva Braun was like.
"Extra Tidbit: You'd think Edward would be somewhat considerate before deciding to pummel his freshly minted wife's cervix into oblivion."

You make it sound like he isn't a vampire asshole that Buffy would stake without a second thought. Bella's personality must be exactly what Eva Braun was like.
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10:23AM on 06/06/2011
Hmm I got an idea. Someone needs to reedit this trailer and instead format it like rosemary's baby. That might actually be more interesting to watch. As for the trailer as it stands, the sex scene should be interesting to see what hollywood calls rough sex.
Hmm I got an idea. Someone needs to reedit this trailer and instead format it like rosemary's baby. That might actually be more interesting to watch. As for the trailer as it stands, the sex scene should be interesting to see what hollywood calls rough sex.
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+13
10:31AM on 06/06/2011
I'm almost impressed that trailer went a whole 40 seconds before that dude took his shirt off.
I'm almost impressed that trailer went a whole 40 seconds before that dude took his shirt off.
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11:38AM on 06/06/2011
He's really careful to remove and not tear his t-shirts. His shorts on the other hand - he must special order those fuckers in bulk.
He's really careful to remove and not tear his t-shirts. His shorts on the other hand - he must special order those fuckers in bulk.
10:42AM on 06/06/2011
I'd rather watch this twice then being forced to watch this fucking sidekick add one more time!
I'd rather watch this twice then being forced to watch this fucking sidekick add one more time!
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+16
11:34AM on 06/06/2011

they could have avoided all this

if they just decided to have good ol' fashioned, vampire-on-human, buttsex. The way God intended vampires and humans to know each other.
if they just decided to have good ol' fashioned, vampire-on-human, buttsex. The way God intended vampires and humans to know each other.
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1:02PM on 06/06/2011

Twilight: Breaking Dawn in 10 Seconds

JACOB: "I still wanna bang your girlfriend."
EDWARD: "Well, we're married now."
JACOB: "Oh, my bad. I wanna bang your wife."
EDWARD: "Well since my demon spawn is killing her from the inside, I guess you can have your way with her."
JACOB: "Really? ...Well, I don't want your sloppy seconds."
EDWARD: "Fine."
JACOB: "Well, let's just let this thing eat its way out of her and then I'll settle to bang whatever comes out."
EDWARD: "Whatever, I fucking win."
JACOB: "That's fine, as long as I
JACOB: "I still wanna bang your girlfriend."
EDWARD: "Well, we're married now."
JACOB: "Oh, my bad. I wanna bang your wife."
EDWARD: "Well since my demon spawn is killing her from the inside, I guess you can have your way with her."
JACOB: "Really? ...Well, I don't want your sloppy seconds."
EDWARD: "Fine."
JACOB: "Well, let's just let this thing eat its way out of her and then I'll settle to bang whatever comes out."
EDWARD: "Whatever, I fucking win."
JACOB: "That's fine, as long as I get your first-born demon spawn."
EDWARD: "Deal."
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6:19PM on 06/06/2011
Jacob get a clue she don't want you, christ.
Jacob get a clue she don't want you, christ.
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10:58PM on 06/06/2011
fuck twilight
fuck twilight
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