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Face-Off: Salma Hayek vs. Penélope Cruz

10.24.2013by: Indiana Sev
With the release of ESCAPE PLAN last week, our Face-Off featured a battle between characters made famous by Sylvester Stallone (John Rambo from Rambo: First Blood Part II) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (John Matrix from COMMANDO). John Rambo decided: “Nothing is over!” and won the battle of the 80s action superstars.

Ridley Scott releases his latest this Friday with THE COUNSELOR hitting the silver screen. Penélope Cruz is one of the stars of the film so I wanted to spice things up this week by pitting her up against her BANDIDAS co-star, Salma Hayek. I would have had Cruz battle her THE COUNSELOR co-star Cameron Diaz but I’m not a fan of Miss Diaz and she would have been blown to bits in my article. Salma Hayek, on the other hand, is sure to make this fight a battle to remember...

Filmography
Salma Hayek exploded onto the movie screens in 1995 with her role in Robert Rodriguez’ DESPERADO which she followed up a year later with an even sexier role in his film FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. The rest of the 90s were hit and miss with small roles in decent movies like 54, FOUR ROOMS and DOGMA as well as parts in stinkers like FOOLS RUSH IN, FLED and FAIR GAME. THE FACULTY and WILD, WILD, WEST are guilty pleasures of mine so I won’t say a bad word about them but needless to say if it wasn’t for Robert Rodriguez, the 90s would be forgettable for Miss H.

The next decade’s standouts were FRIDA and ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO. She got married in 2007 and basically stopped paying attention to good scripts and focused on her marriage which resulted in her starring in a bunch of Kevin James movies since. PUSS IN BOOTS was good though...
Penélope Cruz is a favorite of acclaimed Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar and most of us non-Europeans discovered her in 1999 in Almodóvar’s ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER. The following decade saw her star in many quality films including BLOW, VANILLA SKY, VOLVER, VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA and NINE. Since then she went for the box office numbers with PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES and her second Woody Allen movie, TO ROME, WITH LOVE. Salma Hayek might have more fun movies in her filmography but Cruz clearly has the résumé that is more enviable.
Oscars, Oscars, Oscars
Salma Hayek earned her first and only Oscar nomination for her role as Frida Kahlo in the 2002 film FRIDA. She didn’t win and to this day I blame the loss on the unibrow.
Penélope Cruz has been nominated a total of three times for an Academy Award for the movies VOLVER (2006), VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (2008) and NINE (2009). She won for Best Supporting Actress in a Supporting Role for her part in the Woody Allen film.
Accent
The only thing wilder than Hayek’s figure is her accent. Sofia Vergara’s accent is the only one I find sexier.
I got a chance to speak to Cruz when she used to rent movies at a video store I worked at when she was filming that clunker GOTHIKA so I’ve heard her accent in person. She was sweet and adorable and had a cute accent but Salma’s accent is just plain hotter. Just imagine each of these women saying x-rated words in their accent and you’ll see that the clear winner is Salma Hayek here.
Husband and Wife
Salma’s married to 51-year old French businessman François-Henri Pinault who has 15 billion dollars in his wallet and seems like he’s the biggest bore in France. Salma could have had any man she wants and she fell in love with this Pinault cretin. I’m glad she found true love and all but still...Pinault??
Penélope is married to 44-year old Spanish actor Javier Bardem who has won an Oscar, has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and seems like he’s the coolest guy in the world.
Sex Appeal
Wow! The combination of her voluptuous figure and gorgeous looks make Salma Hayek one of the sexiest actresses I have ever googled. Seriously, she’s beautiful!! I heard JoBlo was in the same room as her in Cannes once and he still can’t walk straight. If I break down all the reasons I find her so sexy I’ll get fired before this article gets posted so if you really want to know just take a longer lunch break today and google her as well.
This was a tough category. Penélope Cruz is very easy to look at and her figure is one that would make any priest blush. Still, nobody stands a chance to win versus Salma in this category so I won’t even bother writing any more about this.
Penélope Cruz
This Face-Off resulted in a 3-2 victory for Penélope Cruz and although it seems like being married to a dud cost Hayek the contest the truth is Cruz’ movie stats are just a little more substantial than Salma’s sexy stats. I can’t believe I just said that but it’s true. I just hope Salma makes more quality movies in the next decade or two and wins an Oscar to make a battle like this much closer one day.

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