I was glad to see that the majority of our faithful AITHers understood the meaning behind our last Thanksgiving-themed
Face-Off. I’ll spell it out once more, for all to see: the Face-Off was about who would be a BETTER GUEST TO HAVE AT THANKSGIVING and NOT about who would win in a fight. And many agreed with the outcome that Leatherface would be better suited at the dinner table as opposed to The Creeper.
I hope that by now everyone has gotten in the creepy Christmas spirit. If not, then perhaps today’s Face-Off will help jingle your bells. Once again we were able to keep our slasher against slasher streak going with the topic of who is the better Christmas Eve killer… The Woman from Inside aka A L’Interieur (2007) or Santa from 2012’s Silent Night! So, pour yourself a tumbler of eggnog and snuggle up by the tree! Let’s deck them halls with blood!
Nothing outlandish for The Woman in terms of look. Just a simple, black, flowing, gown/cloak that instantly gives a fitting Grim Reaper impression. Her matching long, black locks perfectly complete the deathly demeanor. And her pale face and burning eyes gazing out from those locks sends winter chills up and down your back.
This Santa actually has a pretty cheerfully put-together appearance of Kris Kringle. He’s got the bright red suit, the long white beard, even the bowl-full-of-jelly belly. Then you look him in the eye and all visions of sugarplums dance out of your head. Those extra black eyes, made from the ocular portion of a clear mask really creep the crap out of you.
The reason I now get goosebumps whenever I see a pair of long, sharp scissors is because of The Woman and her main weapon of choice. Those shiny scissors certainly get a big-time Christmas Eve workout as they stab and cut their way through the movie. She also makes great use of a gun and a knitting needle. She’s even able to utilize her victims into becoming weapons of her disposal.
Santa has one hell of an arsenal loaded in his sack. And he wields each weapon with merry delight. A cheating douche gets strapped to an electric chair with Christmas lights. A selfish bitch of a little girl gets the shocking end of a cattle prod and then receives a fireplace poker. People are gutted with a scythe. A wood chipper is put to disgustingly gleeful use. There’s an axe, deer antlers, and a pipe! And let’s not forget that big-ass flame thrower.
Oh, The Woman definitely picked the worst possible time to go about her absolutely evil plan. Just as Sarah is settling down to await the birth of her “holiday savior”, The Woman breaks in, attempting to enact a gory Grinch remake by stealing Sarah’s unborn baby. No matter which way you slice it, that makes for one horrific holiday.
Taking the real Santa Claus’s motto to sickening new heights, Silent’s Santa brutally punishes all those who have exerted extreme levels of naughty. The small town upon which he descends has its perfectly sweet holiday turned into a literal Hell. However, even though a few “nice” peeps do indeed get the axe, Santa still goes about his rampage with an odd affinity for the season. I mean, he does give a sweet little girl a bloody candy cane.
In the short span of a Christmas Eve night, The Woman manages to off an impressive six victims. She is very handy with those scissors and takes the sheers to psychotic sections of stabbings. She’s also pretty handy with a firearm and deadly accurate. The scene where she blows half a guys face off shocked the shit out of me. (*side note: that is the first time I ever used the words “face off” in an article with it not actually pertaining to a Face-Off.)
Taking a page from ol’ Jason Voorhees, our Santa racks up a thirteen holly jolly kills. A couple of his highlights include an eye-popping chair electrocution, a well-deserved cattle-prodding, a splitting axe to the head, and the now infamous naked chick in a wood chipper. And his most crowd-pleasing disbursement comes in a church where a greedy, perverted preacher has his fingers chopped off right before he’s stabbed in his lower region. Dear Lord!
WARNING MAJOR ENDING SPOILERS!
As the clock ticks off on Christmas Eve, we find The Woman has been badly burned in the facial region and is in great pain. However, that doesn’t matter for she has actually accomplished her sick task of retrieving Sarah’s unborn baby through a scissor-y cesarean section. Sarah has died and The Woman now has a replacement for the baby she lost at the beginning of the film. Merry Christmas!
WARNING MAJOR ENDING SPOILERS!
As the sun rises on Christmas morning, our Santa, although badly burned, has survived his evil night and left a trail of bloody bodies in his wake. After learning his motive, we see that he did indeed accomplish his goal of killing the man responsible for killing his own father many years ago. However, he did not succeed in offing that man’s daughter, who got the best of his burned ass.
Wow! This was one hell of a holiday smackdown! A fitting initial gift for this Christmas season. Like the Virgin Mary bringing forth our Lord and Savior, The Woman has victoriously pulled off the miracle of taking down that large, crazy Santa! Does that melt your holiday heart? Or do you feel like you’ve been delivered a big piece of coal? Kindly voice your opinions below in our bullet spitting section! And feel free to send any future Face-Off ideas to me at
[email protected].
P.S. Was just wondering, how many of you are ready for a Silent Night 2?
Follow the JOBLO MOVIE NETWORK
Follow us on YOUTUBE
Follow ARROW IN THE HEAD
Follow AITH on YOUTUBE