G.I. Joe story details

Even though VAN HELSING writer-director-apocalypse Stephen Sommers just recently enlisted to take command of G.I. JOE (which, in case you forgot, is now an acronym for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra), a script has apparently been surrendered to the Powers That Be.

Prolific scribe Stuart Beattie has finished playing with the kung-fu-gripped toy line and handed in a draft, and IESB says that the story has the Joe team located in the United States instead of the previously announced neutral territory of Brussels (because, of course, USA is Number 1 greatest country in the universe! USA! USA!). The heroic organization will be clashing mainly with Destro, the Baroness and the forces of Cobra, plus the Dreadnoks and Zartan.

Cobra Commander will now reportedly be more a mysterious “Man with the Plan” kind of scheming villain, pulling the strings from the shadows. No signs of Serpentor. The story also apparently explores the history and animosity between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Hooray for ninjas!

Sommers will likely now either discard Beattie’s draft, or work on making it really, really dumb. The movie is a pre-strike priority (like everything else), but with the A-list rapidly filling their schedules, we might end up seeing a JOE cast more along the lines of STREET FIGHTER than OCEAN’S 11…