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Learn more about G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation from these casting updates

08.11.2011

Okay, so I wasn't in love with Stephen Sommer's G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA. I actually spent most of my time laughing. Please don't tell me to go and watch MY LITTLE PONY or something. If I need to give it a second chance, I will.

On the flip side, I am getting interested in G.I. JOE 2: RETALIATION since The Rock is on board and Bruce Willis is in talks. It's also a plus that Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (ZOMBIELAND) have penned the script. So I'm not a complete and total lost cause.

Wanna know more about the Joe's you'll be seeing in the sequel? Sure you do. io9.com says that these are descriptions of the characters are straight from the casting call. I would take them lightly if I were you. They amuse me, so I kept them in.

The new Joes- Walker, Brock and Robyn:

Walker is the wise-cracker of the bunch, who’s always making jokes about other guys’ moms. Robyn is a gun-loving weapons expert, who talks lovingly about her latest ultra-high-tech rifle. (Which prompts Walker to say that he loves “girls with guns.”) Brock is from the ‘hood and he listens to a lot of Cypress Hill on his boombox while looking at pictures of his eight-year-old twin girls. (When he takes the picture out of a Ziploc bag, Walker hopes he’s bringing out some of his famous pistachio cheese balls.)

At one point, when Robyn, Brock and another Joe named Sam are on the run, they take refuge in Brock’s old neighborhood, where one of the homies, a tattooed stone-cold badass named Stacks, promises to help him any way he can. Stacks and Brock are like brothers from another mother, and Stacks tells Brock they can hide out in the old rec center. He can even hook Brock up with a new set of wheels, which are pimped out but “on the low.” (The joke is that the wheels are clearly not on the low, because they’re too fancy and loud.)

Mouse- played by Joseph Mazzello (Timmy from JURASSIC PARK!!! He's more mellow now, guys.)

The newest recruit on the team … He’s a Southern boy, “18 going on 11.” He’s got no real combat experience, but he’s played a lot of Call of Duty. And when he goes up against one of the top Joes in a test to see who can pull a hand grenade out of a big pool out of water with their teeth, Mouse wins. He raises his arms in victory, and spits out the grenade, saying “Bang.” The crowd of soldiers watching this goes nuts.

The Young Storm Shadow- Grown-up Storm Shadow will be played again by Byung-hun Lee, but there's going to be childhood flashbacks.

Blind Master (played by RZA!) talks to Storm Shadow about his early mistakes in voice-over, while we watch the young Storm Shadow fleeing the Dojo. Blind Master asks who had the most to gain from driving Storm Shadow from the Dojo: the rival who drove Storm away, or the “man into whose arms you were chased.” We see that Storm Shadow took refuge with a “burly peasant” who gave him a blanket and cooked for him by a fire. And later, we see the burly peasant, who’s really a super-ninja in disguise, killing a ninja master.

World Leaders-

There’s some kind of summit, in which everybody is agreeing on reducing their nuclear missiles, and it all goes horribly wrong. Of course. The U.S. has launched all of its birds in the air, and everybody is trying to decide whether to retaliate and cause World War III. People say awesome shit like, “Let history record who was responsible for this madness.” And “There can be no winners!”

And then Zartan — the master of disguise who replaced the U.S. President in the first movie — basically tells everybody that their countries can serve him or die. He totally wants it all, man. Zartan tells the French muckety muck that from now on “You’re reporting to moi.” But at least Russia is defiant, telling Zartan “You’ve only succeeded in uniting us… against you.” Separately, we see the Pakistani President, who is standing by his decision to harbor terrorists, suddenly getting assassinated with a titanium blade.

Lecter- the new villain in the Joe camp

Lecter has been busted out of prison, so he can develop every high-tech weapon the baddies can possibly imagine… and some they can’t. Lecter and his friends Smith and Jones are holding a U.S. Senator prisoner and interrogating him. “It’s called a water board… but I never get bored,” gloats Jones.

CLICK IMAGE TO OPEN GALLERY & SEE MORE PICS...

Extra Tidbit: Don't panic. Read the sentence in bold in my third paragraph and breathe.
Source: io9

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+7
12:56PM on 08/12/2011
was the casting call written by a 7th grader?
was the casting call written by a 7th grader?
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9:09AM on 08/12/2011
Anyone who takes *anything* seriously concerning a movie about GI Joe needs to get a life.
Anyone who takes *anything* seriously concerning a movie about GI Joe needs to get a life.
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7:56AM on 08/12/2011
Yuck! I dig the Rock casting and the intent to rehash the direction of this but PLEASE don't cheese-dick this up with "hot girl who has to go out of her way to show the audience that she's tough because she is into guns"(who i'm sure at one point will probably knock a man out with one punch and deliver a really bad one-liner) and "street wise/nostalgic for my kids, you can tell because I look at pictures of them-man" along with "wise-crackin mama-joke guy".
Yuck! I dig the Rock casting and the intent to rehash the direction of this but PLEASE don't cheese-dick this up with "hot girl who has to go out of her way to show the audience that she's tough because she is into guns"(who i'm sure at one point will probably knock a man out with one punch and deliver a really bad one-liner) and "street wise/nostalgic for my kids, you can tell because I look at pictures of them-man" along with "wise-crackin mama-joke guy".
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+7
6:12AM on 08/12/2011
With all the hundreds of actual GI Joe characters, you'd think they'd use of few of them instead of making up their own.
With all the hundreds of actual GI Joe characters, you'd think they'd use of few of them instead of making up their own.
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2:27AM on 08/12/2011
Rachel Nichols, her red hair and her two awesome chest-friends NEED to return.

Seriously, more of the original cast needs to show up to really connect em. I LIKED the first one.
Rachel Nichols, her red hair and her two awesome chest-friends NEED to return.

Seriously, more of the original cast needs to show up to really connect em. I LIKED the first one.
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1:55AM on 08/12/2011
Ugh. I can just hear the awful young executive voice pitching these characters to a boardroom with powerpoint and a song by Godsmack. 'Woooah, I'm glad Snake Eyes is on our side, hahaha.'

If its a joke, its exceptionally well-delivered. Someone at io9 deserves a book deal.
Ugh. I can just hear the awful young executive voice pitching these characters to a boardroom with powerpoint and a song by Godsmack. 'Woooah, I'm glad Snake Eyes is on our side, hahaha.'

If its a joke, its exceptionally well-delivered. Someone at io9 deserves a book deal.
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+2
1:51AM on 08/12/2011

Lectar, Smith, Jones; all "Hannibals"?

anyone else notice that?

Hannibal Lechter -Silence of the Lambs

Hannibal Smith- The A-Team

Hannibal Jones- A pulp novel character in Austin S. Camacho penned works.
anyone else notice that?

Hannibal Lechter -Silence of the Lambs

Hannibal Smith- The A-Team

Hannibal Jones- A pulp novel character in Austin S. Camacho penned works.
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1:34AM on 08/12/2011
I had a blast with the first G.I. Joe. Bring on the sequel!
I had a blast with the first G.I. Joe. Bring on the sequel!
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+2
12:56AM on 08/12/2011

tidbit

totally skipped that part, d'oh!

things are looking up again :P
totally skipped that part, d'oh!

things are looking up again :P
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12:46AM on 08/12/2011
I enjoyed the first GI flick. It's the sort of silly/ fun based-on-a-cartoon movie that the god-fucking-awful "Transformers" could never reach.

The more I hear about this sequel, the more I hate it. It's 2-years too late and getting rid of Sommers and most of the cast is a dumb. dumb move. Considering it was a decent sized hit, I don't get all the changes.
I enjoyed the first GI flick. It's the sort of silly/ fun based-on-a-cartoon movie that the god-fucking-awful "Transformers" could never reach.

The more I hear about this sequel, the more I hate it. It's 2-years too late and getting rid of Sommers and most of the cast is a dumb. dumb move. Considering it was a decent sized hit, I don't get all the changes.
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11:56PM on 08/11/2011

For the love of ..

ZEUS!

He said to take them lightly!
ZEUS!

He said to take them lightly!
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11:14PM on 08/11/2011
This news is great. Really hope they will make this a stand alone film, and not related. In a way, it's still is.
This news is great. Really hope they will make this a stand alone film, and not related. In a way, it's still is.
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10:47PM on 08/11/2011

Sounds like the first

shaping up to be another pop culture turd.
shaping up to be another pop culture turd.
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9:30PM on 08/11/2011

no

I really enjoyed the first one. I WAS looking forward to this but since pretty much everyone is gone from the first one and now it seems like their turning this into a joke, I wouldn't expect this to fail horribly and then try to get the cast from 1 into another one. Seriously just reading everything in bold makes it sound awful...
I really enjoyed the first one. I WAS looking forward to this but since pretty much everyone is gone from the first one and now it seems like their turning this into a joke, I wouldn't expect this to fail horribly and then try to get the cast from 1 into another one. Seriously just reading everything in bold makes it sound awful...
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9:26PM on 08/11/2011

Joseph Mazello

"Hes a Southern boy, '18 going on 11.' Hes got no real combat experience, but hes played a lot of Call of Duty."

He's playing an 18 year old? Is this a joke? Oh, and I can't wait to hear all the lame CoD references and other stupid pop culture references by this character.
"Hes a Southern boy, '18 going on 11.' Hes got no real combat experience, but hes played a lot of Call of Duty."

He's playing an 18 year old? Is this a joke? Oh, and I can't wait to hear all the lame CoD references and other stupid pop culture references by this character.
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8:52PM on 08/11/2011
I liked the first one alot, but I'll stay positive about the sequel and it's new cast of characters until I see a trailer.

Too bad the sequel couldn't have the old cast with the new one. That would have been a treat.
I liked the first one alot, but I'll stay positive about the sequel and it's new cast of characters until I see a trailer.

Too bad the sequel couldn't have the old cast with the new one. That would have been a treat.
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+0
8:28PM on 08/11/2011

I'm sorry but is this a joke?

I had a blast with the first one, it was great, light, cheesy fun - refreshing actually and I was looking forward to the sequel, especially with Rock coming on board but from reading what you just posted... WHAT THE FUCK?!? that sounds horrible...
I had a blast with the first one, it was great, light, cheesy fun - refreshing actually and I was looking forward to the sequel, especially with Rock coming on board but from reading what you just posted... WHAT THE FUCK?!? that sounds horrible...
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