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08.26.2011by: Jim Law

Top 10 Awesome Limo Drivers

Welcome to the new Ten Spot. Cleaner, slicker, faster, hotter. I have no idea what any of that means. Just sit back and enjoy the pretty pictures and stuff. For our first new and improved column I decided to go with limo drivers, the oft-forgotten white-collared working man's man who drives around a giant car all day and looks up skirts through the rear view mirror. It's not always a rewarding job filled with douche-bags, puke piles, and bad tippers so I thought I'd shift the spotlight their way for once. Close the privacy window when your done.

10. Sammy - THE WEDDING SINGER

I've found it's time to re-evaluate all of Adam Sandler's earlier work after watching that wretched trailer for JACK & JILL. This didn't work out to well for him after revisiting ANGER MANAGEMENT last week. So, sorry Sammy, until I get the time to watch this film again, you get one slot better than honorable mention. Just feel lucky I don't throw your ass in Movie Jail too.

9. Jack - JACK GOES BOATING

Jack is a guy who is always trying to better himself for a piece of ass. I can relate, when I met my future wife I taught myself how to not clog the toilet. The secret? Flush after every individual poop. And don't use toilet paper, just wash your bum in the sink.

8. Jimmy - MADE

I like to imagine Vinny Pastore is always playing Big Pussy (prior to his death on The Sopranos, of course). You'd be surprised at how well it works out. Not a lot of range here. Ohhhhhh!

7. Ed - IDENTITY

For some reason I can really picture John Cusak driving a limo in his spare time (appearing on this list twice doesn't hurt). Here's what I imagine his day to be like: Wake up, shoot a scene for a shitty movie, shower, shit, shave, chauffeur some washed up divas around Hollywood, drunk call Jeremy Piven, be a dick to random fans of SAY ANYTHING, line up a job for his sister, and go to bed.

6. Alfie - ALFIE

Now here's a dude that knows how to make the best out of his job. As much as he has to put up with wealthy assholes running their fat face holes, there's probably a tremendous amount of pimped-out pussy sliding in and out of the backseat. Alfie has slammed more women than I've actually met in real life.

5. Argyle - DIE HARD

If I was a limo driver I would be Argyle. Drop off my client, bang out some RUN-DMC, calls me some bitches, get fucked up, and maybe save the day by messing with some terrorists. In reality, I would take a nap. I'm so tired.

4. Jackson Curtis - 2012

He might very well be the greatest limo driver of all time after that getaway scene. But then there's the rest of this movie, which deals less with his limo driving abilities and more about ridiculous bullshitties. If the whole movie took place in the limo - #1.

3. Mace - STRANGE DAYS

Before Stella got her groove back she was a bodyguard/limo driver. It's a weird connection. What's not weird is how lucky Lenny Nero is to have Mace watching his ass every time he does something stupid. Need a couple cops to get their ass beat? Call Mace.

2. Lou - BACK TO SCHOOL

If you're going to be an obnoxious rich asshole for the better part of your life you better have a tough guy hanging around to fight your battles. If he can also drive your car - BONUS! That's Lou in a nut-shell, he just wants to get paid and roll some heads once in a while. Good for him.

Lloyd Christmas - DUMB & DUMBER

It's okay, he's a limo driver. Thank God too, or else this list would end up making no sense at all. I would hope all limo drivers have the passion for lost luggage that Lloyd does. If I leave my Nintendo DS in the back of your car you better travel cross country to get it back to me. Even if my ass doesn't look like Lauren Holly's. It does though..... like a delicious baby apple.
Tags: The Ten Spot

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9:48AM on 09/08/2011

I'm the Banksy of the Ten Spot!

10. Sammy - THE WEDDING SINGER
9. Jack - JACK GOES BOATING
8. Jimmy - MADE
7. Ed - IDENTITY
6. Alfie - ALFIE
5. Argyle - DIE HARD
4. Jackson Curtis - 2012
3. Mace - STRANGE DAYS
2. Lou - BACK TO SCHOOL
1. Lloyd Christmas - DUMB & DUMBER
10. Sammy - THE WEDDING SINGER
9. Jack - JACK GOES BOATING
8. Jimmy - MADE
7. Ed - IDENTITY
6. Alfie - ALFIE
5. Argyle - DIE HARD
4. Jackson Curtis - 2012
3. Mace - STRANGE DAYS
2. Lou - BACK TO SCHOOL
1. Lloyd Christmas - DUMB & DUMBER
Your Reply:



10:16PM on 08/26/2011
How is Reginald VelJohnson from Crocodile Dundee not on this list? I like the original format better than this btw.
How is Reginald VelJohnson from Crocodile Dundee not on this list? I like the original format better than this btw.
Your Reply:



+0
8:54PM on 08/26/2011

Next Up: Awesome Cab Drivers

It should pretty much be a given that Travis Bickle wins this hands down...

But I would love to see:

Johnny Cab (Total Recall) voiced by Robert Picardo - the holo doctor from Voyager

Mr. T - D.C. Cab

Zeus - Die Hard with a Vengeance

Corbin Dallas - The Fifth Element

Jamie Foxx - Collateral

John Travolta - Look Who's Talking (maybe)



This would be a FUN 10 Spot.
It should pretty much be a given that Travis Bickle wins this hands down...

But I would love to see:

Johnny Cab (Total Recall) voiced by Robert Picardo - the holo doctor from Voyager

Mr. T - D.C. Cab

Zeus - Die Hard with a Vengeance

Corbin Dallas - The Fifth Element

Jamie Foxx - Collateral

John Travolta - Look Who's Talking (maybe)



This would be a FUN 10 Spot.
Your Reply:



10:13PM on 08/26/2011
David Johanson, the ghost of Christmas past from Scrooged.
David Johanson, the ghost of Christmas past from Scrooged.
1:21PM on 08/26/2011

Missed one...

Good lIst but I would have thrown in Bruno Kirdy in This is SPinal Tap. Playing Tommy Pischedda as the gushing fan of Frank Sinatra and the Band itself, until the divider goes up. Then we get the real Tommy...

It is definetly the funniest, and the most real on the list.

Also, glad to see Argyle getting some love, I told my parents I wanted to be a limo driver when I grew up because of that movie. Alas, A dream left unrealized.
Good lIst but I would have thrown in Bruno Kirdy in This is SPinal Tap. Playing Tommy Pischedda as the gushing fan of Frank Sinatra and the Band itself, until the divider goes up. Then we get the real Tommy...

It is definetly the funniest, and the most real on the list.

Also, glad to see Argyle getting some love, I told my parents I wanted to be a limo driver when I grew up because of that movie. Alas, A dream left unrealized.
Your Reply:



9:53AM on 08/26/2011

Nooooooooooooooo Jim Law!

Tony The Limo Driver from The Big Lebowski! Possibly the funniest one-scene character in the film!
Tony The Limo Driver from The Big Lebowski! Possibly the funniest one-scene character in the film!
Your Reply:



11:19AM on 08/26/2011
I got a rash man...
I got a rash man...
+3
9:33AM on 08/26/2011
I would have Casey Meadows from the movie My Chauffeur on the list not the greatest movie in fact it's pretty terrible even for 80's standards, but Deborah Foreman is really sexy in it.
I would have Casey Meadows from the movie My Chauffeur on the list not the greatest movie in fact it's pretty terrible even for 80's standards, but Deborah Foreman is really sexy in it.
Your Reply:



9:00AM on 08/26/2011
Very disappointed that Gus from Crocodile Dundee didn't make the list. He comes up big for Mick at the end of the movie, plus gives him a bottle of Jack D. when his boy's feeling down.
Very disappointed that Gus from Crocodile Dundee didn't make the list. He comes up big for Mick at the end of the movie, plus gives him a bottle of Jack D. when his boy's feeling down.
Your Reply:



8:43AM on 08/26/2011

Fun List but...

there should have at least been an honorable mention for the limo driver in Hot Shots part deux, if not somewhere in the top 10.
there should have at least been an honorable mention for the limo driver in Hot Shots part deux, if not somewhere in the top 10.
Your Reply:



+8
8:29AM on 08/26/2011

Next Up: Awesome Cab Drivers

It should pretty much be a given that Travis Bickle wins this hands down...
But I would love to see:
Johnny Cab (Total Recall) voiced by Robert Picardo - the holo doctor from Voyager
Mr. T - D.C. Cab
Zeus - Die Hard with a Vengeance
Corbin Dallas - The Fifth Element
Jamie Foxx - Collateral
John Travolta - Look Who's Talking (maybe)

This would be a FUN 10 Spot.
It should pretty much be a given that Travis Bickle wins this hands down...
But I would love to see:
Johnny Cab (Total Recall) voiced by Robert Picardo - the holo doctor from Voyager
Mr. T - D.C. Cab
Zeus - Die Hard with a Vengeance
Corbin Dallas - The Fifth Element
Jamie Foxx - Collateral
John Travolta - Look Who's Talking (maybe)

This would be a FUN 10 Spot.
Your Reply:



4:35PM on 08/29/2011
Don't forget Escape From New York or Heavy Metal!
Don't forget Escape From New York or Heavy Metal!

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