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10.07.2011by: Mike Sampson

Ewww! Dissecting the grossest scenes in The Human Centipede 2

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 hits select theaters today across the U.S. Soon you people will know the pain that Eric Walkuski and I endured reviewing this for the site. Sometime yesterday, we started debating what was the grosses part of a movie loaded with gross parts. So we sat down and collected our thoughts into a handy-dandy list to make you feel nauseous. I'll warn you ahead of time - this article goes into pretty major spoilers about the film. We talk openly about the last third act of the film (when all the hot centipede action goes down) in detail, so if you don't want to know, don't click through the slideshow; just move along your merry way knowing that some sick $*@! goes down in this movie. If don't mind spoilers and aren't eating any chocolate pudding, take a read through and find out what you're in store for (or what you happy to be avoiding)...

Honorable Mention - Naked Martin

Not technically gross in the way that most of the moments on this list are, but seeing the roly-poly Martin in various forms of undress throughout the movie, isn't exactly a visual feast. Especially when he's sweaty and his mother comes in shouting, "You shit the bed again, didn't you?!" Maybe ease up on the Taco Bell, Martin. --Mike Sampson

#10 - Centipede Up the Pooper

The caption should really say it all, but some grisly elaboration is inevitable: A funnel stuck in your anus would naturally be a pretty big bummer (pun intended?), but it's got to be considered heavenly before a squirmy centipede is introduced into the equation. That's one symptom Pepto-Bismol can't tackle. --Eric Walkuski

#9 - Sandpaper Masturbation

One of the infamous scenes that the British Board of Film Classification listed as an example of why the banned they film, Martin gets such a boner from the thought of his own personal Human Centipede that he whips it out at work and beats the meat. But Martin was molested by his father we're told and only derives sexual pleasure from pain. So he wraps his wiener in sandpaper and goes to town. So much for Jergens and a box of Kleenex... --MS

#8 - Barbed Wire Rape

Along with the just mentioned sandpaper masturbation, another scene made infamous by the BBFC, the rape sequence is actually not as graphic as you might think. It's since been cut from the theatrical release (even in the US) but I saw the unedited version at Fantastic Fest. Martin, who as we learned with the sandpaper, likes a little pain with his pleasure, picks up a random piece of barbed wire, wraps it around his dick and goes to town on the tail-end of his centipede. As disturbing as it is to see Martin pseudo-raping someone, I feared the worst and, for some reason, director Tom Six showed some restraint. --MS

#7 - Buttcheek Incisions

"Ya can't make a human centipede without slicing up some buttcheek" as the old saying goes, and by golly, Martin adheres to it. In order to adequately latch one person's mouth onto another's stink-hole, Martin has to make some major adjustments to one poor guy's bum. It's safe to say that Martin wouldn't make it in the plastic surgery game - he's way too liberal with a scalpel. --EW

#6 - Mouth Staples

You can't follow up Buttcheek Slicing with anything other than Mouth Stapling; it's the progression of any good do-it-yourself human centipede. As we've established, Martin is clearly no surgeon, so his impromptu method for attaching face-to-fanny involves a flesh-skewering stapler in one of the flick's more, um, jaw-dropping moments. --EW

#5 - Funnel Gag

So he's sliced open their butts, stapled their mouths and now has a full-on Human Centipede to call his own, but Martin can't get the one thing going he's really dying to see - that one digestive tract. He tries to force his centipede head to eat, but she won't bite (literally). So he takes a funnel, shoves a long, plastic tube down her throat and fills it with laxative. There isn't anything terribly graphic about this scene but the gagging noises as he forces the tube down the girl's throat had me dry heaving. And then comes... --MS

#4 - Shit Splatter

Perhaps the most unappetizing aspect of the HUMAN CENTIPEDE experience is, well, just what a bad taste it puts in everybody's mouth. There's the feces, for example - that probably doesn't taste very good. Unfortunately for the luckless pieces of the human centipede, they've plenty of shit to eat in an extended sequence where forcibly-induced laxatives are the real villains. I just wish they had kept the liquidy spew -which is the only thing in the film that isn't in black and white - away from the camera lens... --EW

#3 - Baby Squash

I voted this Number 1 but Walkuski disagreed and we finally settled on the No. 3 position. Early in the film, as Martin is collecting his victims, he abducts a pregnant woman. This is the film's only real tension because you spend the remainder of the film watching a naked (and very real) pregnant woman writhing around on the floor going, "They're not really going to do this, are they?" And for a second, you think they won't. As she passes out, Martin believes her dead and when she comes to, she's able to escape. She takes refuge in a car outside (that won't start, obvs) and as Martin bursts out and frantically tries to break in, the stress induces labor. And she gives birth. Onto the floor of the car. Now pay close attention to this part...then she floors the gas petal and graphically crushes her own baby's skull.

#2 - Hammer to the Teeth

While most cinematic body mutilation is fairly passe at this point, there's still something unbearable when it comes to the mangling of a set of pearly whites. Teeth aren't welcome in a human centipede, so Martin must ever-so-delicately bash them out of your face with a hammer. Perhaps the most stomach-churning aspect of this particular moment is the sound; you can look away from the screen, but the crunchy sound of every tooth being knocked out still crawls up your spine. --EW

#1 - Tendon Snip

In a crude attempt to mimic the procedure laid out by Dieter Laser, Martin slices into the knees of his victims, sticks his fingers inside and snips their tendons with a pair of scissors. It was about this time the entire theater went "Oooooh!...", uncrossed their legs and started rubbing their kneecap. I'm not sure what it is about knees that just the thought of an injury to that area makes you cringe (remember when the bullets to the knees in DIE HARD was a big thing?) but man, does it ever.

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4:48PM on 10/08/2011

Thanks Sampson

Hahaha... OMG.. I read all 11 of them. That shit is disgusting! They start off pretty predictable but as it goes on, it gets more creative and more disturbing. Numbers 3 and 2 are the worse.
Thanks Sampson for saving me the time for having to watch this piece of crap flick. Green for spoiling and telling about all the disturbing parts, which I asked for. Red for the movie itself.
Hahaha... OMG.. I read all 11 of them. That shit is disgusting! They start off pretty predictable but as it goes on, it gets more creative and more disturbing. Numbers 3 and 2 are the worse.
Thanks Sampson for saving me the time for having to watch this piece of crap flick. Green for spoiling and telling about all the disturbing parts, which I asked for. Red for the movie itself.
Your Reply:



8:23PM on 10/07/2011
Why this kind of movie is getting made? I don't know why.
Why this kind of movie is getting made? I don't know why.
Your Reply:



+4
4:05PM on 10/07/2011
Tom Six is a loser.
Tom Six is a loser.
Your Reply:



3:11PM on 10/07/2011

Thanks, Mike and Eric!

Now I have absolutely no reason why I should watch this POS. You've done a favour for all humanity . . . or at least, the people on this board.
Now I have absolutely no reason why I should watch this POS. You've done a favour for all humanity . . . or at least, the people on this board.
Your Reply:



1:57PM on 10/07/2011
resorting to disgusting shock value with no higher inspirations is the cheapest, easiest way to get attention. I'm proud of these responses; sad Joblo even bothered with this article.
resorting to disgusting shock value with no higher inspirations is the cheapest, easiest way to get attention. I'm proud of these responses; sad Joblo even bothered with this article.
Your Reply:



5:28PM on 10/07/2011
Poor articles seem to be in vogue on Joblo at the moment...
Poor articles seem to be in vogue on Joblo at the moment...
+9
1:37PM on 10/07/2011
Not into torture porn! Tom Six is one sick son of a bitch!!!!!!
Not into torture porn! Tom Six is one sick son of a bitch!!!!!!
Your Reply:



1:24PM on 10/07/2011

Bless your soul Mike

I wouldn't be able to handle it. skipping this
I wouldn't be able to handle it. skipping this
Your Reply:



12:40PM on 10/07/2011
While the first Human Centipede was somewhat intriguing & different, i had wondered how they make a sequel, but after reading this, it's clearly just made for "shock" value & nothing more.
While the first Human Centipede was somewhat intriguing & different, i had wondered how they make a sequel, but after reading this, it's clearly just made for "shock" value & nothing more.
Your Reply:



+18
12:31PM on 10/07/2011

Just to reiterate my point from the last Human Centipede 2 article.

"I'm going to go ahead and speak for the entire UK.

When I say....nobody gives a fuck."
"I'm going to go ahead and speak for the entire UK.

When I say....nobody gives a fuck."
Your Reply:



12:28PM on 10/07/2011
I really don't understand the appeal of stuff like this. Who the hell would actually want to expose themselves to something like this?
I really don't understand the appeal of stuff like this. Who the hell would actually want to expose themselves to something like this?
Your Reply:



+10
12:20PM on 10/07/2011
Yep, skipping this one.
Yep, skipping this one.
Your Reply:



1:25PM on 10/07/2011
Skipping the movie or the column?
Skipping the movie or the column?
+0
11:39AM on 10/07/2011
Count me as a fan of the first sequence... and of this new one's insane premise... but this list's #3 has made my anticipation dwindle in a big way. That kind of thing just feels inexcusable. Even when something similar is done with a little humor in Hobo with a Shotgun it felt like way "too much"... and hell, even when it's done as comically as can be in "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto", for as much as I adore that silly movie, it still gets under my skin in a bad way. Then again, it's
Count me as a fan of the first sequence... and of this new one's insane premise... but this list's #3 has made my anticipation dwindle in a big way. That kind of thing just feels inexcusable. Even when something similar is done with a little humor in Hobo with a Shotgun it felt like way "too much"... and hell, even when it's done as comically as can be in "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto", for as much as I adore that silly movie, it still gets under my skin in a bad way. Then again, it's hilarious in Feast 2. I'm a father, so this affects matters.
Your Reply:



+1
11:38AM on 10/07/2011
Count me as a fan of the first sequence... and of this new one's insane premise... but this list's #3 has made my anticipation dwindle in a big way. That kind of thing just feels inexcusable. Even when something similar is done with a little humor in Hobo with a Shotgun it felt like way "too much"... and hell, even when it's done as comically as can be in "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto", for as much as I adore that silly movie, it still gets under my skin in a bad way. Then again, it's
Count me as a fan of the first sequence... and of this new one's insane premise... but this list's #3 has made my anticipation dwindle in a big way. That kind of thing just feels inexcusable. Even when something similar is done with a little humor in Hobo with a Shotgun it felt like way "too much"... and hell, even when it's done as comically as can be in "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto", for as much as I adore that silly movie, it still gets under my skin in a bad way. Then again, it's hilarious in Feast 2. I'm a father, so this affects matters.
Your Reply:



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