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05.04.2012by: Jim Law

The Ten Spot: 10 Great Moments With Condoms

Last week I was listening to Chuck Palahniuk's novel" 'Damned', and the reader mentioned the word "condom". So here we are. I wish all lists were this easy to come up with. However, even though the condom might be the most important invention in human existence, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of time spent on them in the movies. Listen up Hollywood, there's tons of undiscovered hilarity involving prophylactics. Stop with farts and poop for a while (just a while though, don't get crazy) and give us some quality rom-com-con moments. This is the worst advice ever. Let's just do this.

10. THE BLUES BROTHERS

Jake goes to get all his personal items when released on parole. Included is "One unused prophylactic. One soiled." Remember to always have cool shit in your pockets when you're arrested. If I got picked up for something this afternoon I would've had to surrender a loonie, 75 used tissues, 2 soothers, and a Jolly Rancher. Bad ass.

9. THE HANGOVER

There's nothing spectacularly hilarious about this scene but two things make me laugh every time. The first is when Alan takes the used condom right in the eye and giggles totally out of character, and the other is when Phil pulls the car over after the condom fight and just screams "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Other than that...... gross.

8. HOWARD THE DUCK

Howard the Duck has an incredibly small duck-penis. Condoms would seem even more mandatory in the duck world, wouldn't you think? I'm pretty sure semen is a bitch to get out of feathers. Why is this a paragraph?

7. LETHAL WEAPON 2

Your daughter does one condom commercial and all of a sudden you're the butt of all the rubber jokes you can handle. The best part is that Murtaugh almost died in 3 of the previous 6 scenes in the movie. His cop buddies still find the time to bust his balls instead of helping him catch any of the bad guys though.

6. CONEHEADS

The fact that the Coneheads chew condoms like bubble gum is so stupid it's actually funny. I dare you not to laugh as Beldar blows bubbles and giant pink penis balloons come out of his face. Would used condoms be considered a fruit burst? Sorry.

5. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN

I think a lot of people have done this type of shit in their life. The greatest part of this whole awkward moment is when he has to read the package to figure out whether or not his balls are supposed to go in too. They are, right?

4. KILLER CONDOM

I've never seen this but, seriously, could I leave it off? I'd love to know why it's so big though. Who's cock was supposed to fit in this thing? Was radiation involved? Is it lubricated? Somebody let me know. I'm not watching it.

3. THE NAKED GUN

So dumb it's funny. This basically describes every scene in the NAKED GUN films. I hate that we had to go through that onslaught of shitty spoof movies a few years ago and the fact that these films get thrown in the mix. They're so much better than they get credit for.

2. PORKY'S

The older this movie gets, the funnier everything about it is. Take this scene for instance. Tommy Turner does everything but rape every girl within 20 feet of him by ramming a giant condom into their crotches. He literally knocks one chick on her ass from the thrust. Dude would be in prison today. And the fact that Ballbricker's nasty naughty zone acts as a deflation device gets me every time.

1. SKIN DEEP

One of simplest visual gags of all time, and it just happens to be one of the funniest. It's basically the narration of two glowing cocks having a duel in a pitch black bedroom but you can't help but lose it as they flop around and point at each other. This could be the cheapest spin-off film of all time. I'd watch.
Tags: The Ten Spot

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2:06PM on 05/07/2012

Government issue

I like the Government Issue "Paul Bunyan" sized condoms in Air America that were supposed to be air dropped on the VC to scare them with a ficticious prick size. Your tax dollars at work
I like the Government Issue "Paul Bunyan" sized condoms in Air America that were supposed to be air dropped on the VC to scare them with a ficticious prick size. Your tax dollars at work
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+0
9:50AM on 05/06/2012
"Would used condoms be considered a fruit burst?" That's some funny shit right there.
"Would used condoms be considered a fruit burst?" That's some funny shit right there.
Your Reply:



6:09PM on 05/04/2012

This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida.

Glad to see this on the list. Bob Clark was a great at getting solid, life-like performances out of his actors.
Glad to see this on the list. Bob Clark was a great at getting solid, life-like performances out of his actors.
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12:12PM on 05/04/2012
Yeah,I have Killer Condom. Not one of the best Troma movies, but it's still entertaining as hell. Oh, and like KcM said, "It's an alien".
Yeah,I have Killer Condom. Not one of the best Troma movies, but it's still entertaining as hell. Oh, and like KcM said, "It's an alien".
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9:24AM on 05/04/2012

My favourite part of the 40-year-old

virgin scene is when the teenage guy sees all the condoms lying on the floor and goes, "Teach me!"
virgin scene is when the teenage guy sees all the condoms lying on the floor and goes, "Teach me!"
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9:16AM on 05/04/2012
I remember watching 'Skin Deep' as a child. This was the only scene that I can recall from the entire movie!... and I had no idea what was going on back then... or why my parents let me watch it.
I remember watching 'Skin Deep' as a child. This was the only scene that I can recall from the entire movie!... and I had no idea what was going on back then... or why my parents let me watch it.
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+1
8:07AM on 05/04/2012
This gag always gets me. It's so fucking stupid.
This gag always gets me. It's so fucking stupid.
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7:54AM on 05/04/2012
I was afraid for a moment this scene might get left off the list. Glad to know my worries were unfounded.
I was afraid for a moment this scene might get left off the list. Glad to know my worries were unfounded.
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+0
7:50AM on 05/04/2012
Whoops double post from laughter.
Whoops double post from laughter.
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+0
7:49AM on 05/04/2012
Fruit burst holy shit LOL
Fruit burst holy shit LOL
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7:46AM on 05/04/2012
Another classic is "The Mask".

"Sorry, wrong pocket."
Another classic is "The Mask".

"Sorry, wrong pocket."
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4:04AM on 05/04/2012
Good list but what about An American Werewolf in Paris??
Good list but what about An American Werewolf in Paris??
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2:37AM on 05/04/2012

Killer Condom was pretty good

It's an alien.
However, for a Troma flick this had some heart and was kinda charming. I can't believe I'm saying that myself.
It's an alien.
However, for a Troma flick this had some heart and was kinda charming. I can't believe I'm saying that myself.
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12:45AM on 05/04/2012
I was reading through it and I was like "oh man I don't see Skin Deep anywhere. Sigh, this movie continues to be overlooked." But the fact that it's on the list, and that it's #1? I fucking love you Jim Law.
I was reading through it and I was like "oh man I don't see Skin Deep anywhere. Sigh, this movie continues to be overlooked." But the fact that it's on the list, and that it's #1? I fucking love you Jim Law.
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12:40AM on 05/04/2012
FUn list. The random cut to sex-ed in Juno sprang to mind for me.
FUn list. The random cut to sex-ed in Juno sprang to mind for me.
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+0
12:24AM on 05/04/2012

Sex Drive

should be on this list.
should be on this list.
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