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01.25.2012by: Jim Law

The Ten Spot: My 10 Favorite Red Characters

A couple years ago I did a Ten Spot called My Favorite Blue Movie Characters. In the opening paragraph I joked how I could never do a Red Chracters List because it would just be 5 pictures of Hellboy and 5 pictures of Darth Maul. Well, screw you, Past Me. Seems there was a list to be written here (especially after almost every super hero movie that came out this year had one red character). Rules are simple - red skin or fur. No red costumes. What kind of time do you think I have? On with the fire crotches!

10. Azazel - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

A few more scenes and this dude shoots up the list. As for now, he has to be content with the bottom rung. And the fact that Nightcrawler did it first. And better. Good hair though.

9. Lightning McQueen - CARS

I realize there probably a thousand cartoon characters or more I could have thrown in here but I'm incredibly lazy. And my kids were watching CARS for the 8 billionth time this afternoon.

8. Elmo - ELMO IN GROUCHLAND

I'm not ashamed to say I love this little bastard. Sure, he gets annoying when you catch in the middle of a 6 hour marathon on TV but I had a blast watching this movie. Since then I've hidden in my sock drawer. Right under the porn.

7. Gozilla - GODZILLA VS. DESTROYAH

Lower than I would like but he's not completely red here. More red than any other appearance, mind you, but still not red enough. I actually loved his look in this film and thought, as a one-time thing, was a great change. He seemed angrier for some reason. And hotter.

6. Maximilian - THE BLACK HOLE

Loved this movie when I was kid. I actually had the whole "Black Hole action figures" set. Try to find one other person you know had that shit. They're lying. Maximilian was like a mute Darth Vader that floated around being badass.

5. The Red Skull - CAPTAIN AMERICA

Probably the best thing about this film for me, The Red Skull was perfected for the big screen. There's a lot of rumors that he's still around, somewhere, and that he might pop up in THE AVENGERS. I'd rather him than Spider-Man. My son just spit on me.

4. Satan - SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, & UNCUT

Easily the funniest dude on the list. His scenes with Saddam are some of the most brilliant moments of South Park. I wonder if this is really how it is down there now. Let you know in a bit.

3. Darth Maul - THE PHANTOM MENACE

Some of the coolest STAR WARS characters are the ones with too little screen time. Maul is the only thing that makes EPISODE 1 watchable anymore and might be the only reason to check this film out in 3-D later this year. I'm just kidding..... nothing is worth giving your money to see this film again. Nothing.

2. Darkness - LEGEND

The best looking on the list. The best name on the list. I literally don't remember anything else about this movie other than Tom Cruise, Ferris Bueller's girlfriend, and Darkness. He always pops in my head when I'm doing these lists and I finally found a way to fit him in. Yay, me!

1. Hellboy - HELLBOY

It's hard to fathom how to present the HELLBOY films so they could turn out to be the epic fantasy success stories they should be. Mainstream them and they'll lose they're personality. I love them the way they are and I guess the fact that they even exist is success enough for me. I just talked myself into something. Not sure what it was.
Tags: The Ten Spot

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