Last Updated on August 3, 2021
1. Poop – THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE
As bad as everything else is on this list, is there anything that can top unfiltered shit straight out of the asshole? No. And while sometimes it might be more solid than liquid, I just imagine it being all one mushy smoothie going down. You know, when I imagine my lips being sewn to a rectum.
2. Bowl of Puke – BAD TASTE
I’m starting to sweat again. Get a bunch of your buddies together and take turns puking into a bowl. Now hand it off to some creepy old guy and watch him guzzle it like it was soup. This is so sick it makes me want to physically harm somebody. My body literally doesn’t know how to deal with shit like this and I immediately want to lash out and hurt things. I don’t deal well with vomit.
3. Phlegm Funnel – HOUSE IV
My wife walked over while I was watching this clip and literally blacked out. If you haven’t seen it – that fat little fucker in the picture above has some serious mucus problems. So much so that he needs some sort of suction contraption to relieve himself. Then he gets pissed off at the dude being held down and makes him drink his latest sample. It’s mind-blowing how gross it is.
4. Semen Beer – AMERICAN PIE
Just imagine the way this felt going down. I flipped out last week because one of my buddies dropped a french fry in my beer. Don’t know how I would react if he blew a load in it.
5. Brewed Crap – AUSTIN POWERS
I’ve never had a cup of coffee in my life. Whether or not this scene has something to do with that is unknown. I imagine them tasting quite similar to be honest, and leaving your breath in the exact same state. Yes, this scene has something to do with it.
6. Bottled Piss – DUMB & DUMBER
I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t come close to doing this while recording a JoBlo Movie Podcast. It’s one of the many hazards of getting paid to be drunk. If (when) I ever do mistakenly take a swig from the wrong bottle I can guarantee I will have the exact same reaction as Harland here. A facial tick that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
7. Sweatsuit Cocktail – JACKASS 3D
Now we start getting into the bodily fluids. It’s all downhill from here. Just watching Preston’s extract seep out of the hole near his ass made me gag up my nachos in the theater. By the time Steve-O chugs it I was curled up on the floor, hiding from the horror.
8. Spoiled Milk – MINORITY REPORT
This is the only thing on the list I’ve actually tasted. It sucks. It literally changed the way I deal with food for the rest of my life. If anything, ANYTHING, I eat comes within 4 or 5 days of it’s expiry date I slam it in the garbage while screaming “Fuck that!”. My grocery bill is borderline ridiculous.
9. Raw Eggs – ROCKY
Just cracking an egg grossing me out once in a while (depending on how hung over I am). Dumping a shitload of them in a glass and pounding them first thing in the morning would surely send me into a rage of vomit. Unless I added vodka.
10. Absinthe – EUROTRIP
For all I know this could be the best tasting drink in the world, I’ve never tried it. The reason it takes a spot on this list is because (in this film, at least) it makes you make out with your sister. And even though your sister might be smoking hot, you’re definitely going to regret this in the morning.
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