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09.21.2011by: Jim Law

Top 10 Upskirt Moments

I hate the new trend of professional perverts waiting outside of a celebrity's car for the chance to shoot a pic of their unsuspecting box as she exits the backseat. They're gross peeks into the ultimate privacy that are (usually) unexpected and therefore unpleasant to look at. I want to see Paris Hilton's ungroomed crotch as much as I want to smell it. The best of these moments come in the movies, when it's planned and the area in question has had time in the makeup chair. Some upskirt moments can't be unseen - these are paused and stared at over and over.

10. Eternal Happiness - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

Hey, Baby Joel, check out my crotch. I wish we had neighbors like this when I was a little asshole. I would hide under tables all the time but all I would get out of it was cigarette ashes on my head and the occasional fart in my mouth. I don't think women had crotches back then.

9. P for Portman's Perfect Pooper - V FOR VENDETTA

It was almost like some sort of sick joke to get so little rump after the onslaught of thongs we got from her in CLOSER. But, for some reason, this little sneak-peak seemed to intrigue me more because it was like some sort of blooper that we weren't supposed to see. A real life upskirt moment hidden within the film. I'm wrong, of course, Natalie Portman's ass always knows what it's doing. Always.

8. The Exact Moment I Found Lauren Holly Hot - DUMB & DUMBER

Seriously, this movie was chugging along and I never even gave Lauren Holly a second thought until this scene. Afterward, all I could think about was Lauren Holly's ass. So soft. So chiseled. She's almost 50 now and it's still the only thing I think about when I see her, even though she looks like an angry lesbian version of my aunt Prudence.

7. Nice Beaver - THE NAKED GUN

The world was a better place with Leslie Nielsen in it. And stuffed beavers. There's no way to justify how hard I laughed in the the theater the first time I saw this film. It's a feeling not revisited all that often nowadays. And yes, I thought Priscilla Presley was hot. So did you.

6. Great Scots - BRAVEHEART

It's not all beavers and bumper boats, folks. I'll always admire these crazy bastard's courage for hanging their dangs out and swinging them around in a taunting motion mere seconds before it rains arrows all over them. Doesn't one dude take one in the pooper? Whatever, way to go, fellas. Freedom!

5. Jessica's Rabbit - WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT

It's long been argued that Jessica isn't wearing undies in the scene above. Whether she is or not, the fact that people actually argue about it is good enough to get it on the list. Look at me, trying to justify the inclusion of (possible) cartoon cootch.

4. Historic Bush - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE

I love the futile attempt these panties make to hide her mound. I think she might have a hair pick in there somewhere. About 15 seconds after this pic, Viggo Mortensen slams his face into this brier patch and risks both eyes because he can't resist the power of the cheerleader outfit. Not many can.

3. Fire(bush) Down Below - THE BREAKFAST CLUB

You think that was a stunt crotch? I want to search for the answer but my wife is home, lurking somewhere in the darkness behind me, and the second I punch "stunt crotch" into the Google Machine I'm gonna get stabbed in the temple. Somebody get back to me.

2. That Girl - THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

You know how many women got pregnant because of this scene in the mid-to-late fifties? A shit-ton. I went to New York once and tried to picture this moment every time I passed a grate. I always ended up getting distracted by the smell of melting assholes that was blasting up my nostrils.

1. Cat's Meow-Meow - BASIC INSTINCT

With the arrival of Blu-ray in the past few years I'm pretty sure you can tell how old Sharon Stone is in this scene by counting the rings in her labia. It's probably the most paused scene in the history of film and even though we see shit like this every night on trashy gossip sites and the like, nobody will ever do it as perfectly as Catherine Tramell.
Tags: The Ten Spot

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11:14AM on 10/04/2011
Wow.
Wow.
Your Reply:



10:37PM on 09/24/2011
Timeless scene.
Timeless scene.
Your Reply:



10:35PM on 09/24/2011
Cheerleaders always win.
Cheerleaders always win.
Your Reply:



10:33PM on 09/24/2011
Hilarious.
Hilarious.
Your Reply:



10:32PM on 09/24/2011
Nice. I prefer the Closer shots though.
Nice. I prefer the Closer shots though.
Your Reply:



10:31PM on 09/24/2011
TAADAA!!
TAADAA!!
Your Reply:



+1
2:10AM on 09/22/2011
There was also the Baby Herman scene when he walks between the legs and leers up at a woman's crotch as he passes underneath her.
There was also the Baby Herman scene when he walks between the legs and leers up at a woman's crotch as he passes underneath her.
Your Reply:



9:33PM on 09/21/2011

Historic Bush

A clear case of the Carpet not matching the Drapes but who cares? Vagg eternal!
A clear case of the Carpet not matching the Drapes but who cares? Vagg eternal!
Your Reply:



6:36PM on 09/21/2011

This should've been #1!

That "Portman Peek" screenshot has been my wallpaper since the DVD came out in late 2006.

..and even though the movie was lame, it's now replaced w/ the "Your Highness" thong!
That "Portman Peek" screenshot has been my wallpaper since the DVD came out in late 2006.

..and even though the movie was lame, it's now replaced w/ the "Your Highness" thong!
Your Reply:



5:48PM on 09/21/2011

Missing a few...

If you're throwing in splits of a second (V) and shots of guys looking (Naked Gun), then may I suggest a few missed ones:
- John Candy in SPLASH (coins)
- that jock's drunk girlfriend in SIXTEEN CANDLES
- Joshua Jackson in D3: Mighty Ducks, peeking at a bunch of cheerleaders under a lunch table
If you're throwing in splits of a second (V) and shots of guys looking (Naked Gun), then may I suggest a few missed ones:
- John Candy in SPLASH (coins)
- that jock's drunk girlfriend in SIXTEEN CANDLES
- Joshua Jackson in D3: Mighty Ducks, peeking at a bunch of cheerleaders under a lunch table
Your Reply:



4:31PM on 09/21/2011
as usual, great goddamn list, Law
as usual, great goddamn list, Law
Your Reply:



9:22PM on 09/21/2011
Thank you, sir!
Thank you, sir!
3:27PM on 09/21/2011

nice

...just don't call it a pooper
...just don't call it a pooper
Your Reply:



2:08PM on 09/21/2011
Looks like a thong to me.
Looks like a thong to me.
Your Reply:



1:47PM on 09/21/2011
Are you shitting me?? The waitress and the angry cootch from Waiting didnt make the list? Thats the funniest crotch shot ever to grace the big screen.
Are you shitting me?? The waitress and the angry cootch from Waiting didnt make the list? Thats the funniest crotch shot ever to grace the big screen.
Your Reply:



+1
1:34PM on 09/21/2011
You forgot Kelly LeBrock's dance from Woman in Red
You forgot Kelly LeBrock's dance from Woman in Red
Your Reply:



12:38PM on 09/21/2011
I knew this scene will be at number 1. This is the ultimate upskirt scene.
I knew this scene will be at number 1. This is the ultimate upskirt scene.
Your Reply:



12:36PM on 09/21/2011
Definitely a classic. Even Smurfette did it.
Definitely a classic. Even Smurfette did it.
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12:35PM on 09/21/2011
Two missed ones:

1. Jennifer Connelly in Inventing The Abbots, because she playfully catches Joaquin's creepy ass doing it.

2. ScarJo in The Perfect Score. The movie abandons all pretense of having a character perv up her skirt and just lets the director do it for no reason other than fan service.
Two missed ones:

1. Jennifer Connelly in Inventing The Abbots, because she playfully catches Joaquin's creepy ass doing it.

2. ScarJo in The Perfect Score. The movie abandons all pretense of having a character perv up her skirt and just lets the director do it for no reason other than fan service.
Your Reply:



12:33PM on 09/21/2011
Reminds me of "Is this some kind of a Bust?" from The Naked Gun 2.
Reminds me of "Is this some kind of a Bust?" from The Naked Gun 2.
Your Reply:



12:32PM on 09/21/2011
Love this scene.
Love this scene.
Your Reply:



-9
11:44AM on 09/21/2011
Decent list, but I kinda think Kristen Stewart deserves to be on it. She has some good upskirt moments in "Welcome to the Rileys"..
Decent list, but I kinda think Kristen Stewart deserves to be on it. She has some good upskirt moments in "Welcome to the Rileys"..
Your Reply:



11:15AM on 09/21/2011

Yeah, I remember a guy does take an

arrow in the butt cheek. Nice of Mel to eliminate the real-life William Wallace's castration at the end, though.
arrow in the butt cheek. Nice of Mel to eliminate the real-life William Wallace's castration at the end, though.
Your Reply:



11:13AM on 09/21/2011

I suspect it was a body double

considering Molly would have been 16 at the time the movie was made. I'm sure John Hughes wouldn't have wanted to get booked for child pornography.
considering Molly would have been 16 at the time the movie was made. I'm sure John Hughes wouldn't have wanted to get booked for child pornography.
Your Reply:



11:09AM on 09/21/2011

A classic scene

slightly sullied by the fact that Joe DiMaggio was less than happy that she went through with it. They definitely had a screaming match over it, and it's rumoured he even beat the crap out of her as well.
slightly sullied by the fact that Joe DiMaggio was less than happy that she went through with it. They definitely had a screaming match over it, and it's rumoured he even beat the crap out of her as well.
Your Reply:



10:54AM on 09/21/2011
Check just the list below, in the first reply. Support the site by going through the gallery if you find it interesting.
Check just the list below, in the first reply. Support the site by going through the gallery if you find it interesting.
Your Reply:



11:35PM on 09/21/2011
@JimLaw: He's already done it for the last two Top Ten lists and it seems he won't stop apparently.
@JimLaw: He's already done it for the last two Top Ten lists and it seems he won't stop apparently.
9:30PM on 09/21/2011
What the fuck does this accomplish? Do you think people read these for the witty titles? I love the irony in the fact that you worked so hard to go through the list and copy every one of my titles to make a list so that other people don't have to work so hard by clicking their mouse. Nobody cares that you're doing this for them, hero.
What the fuck does this accomplish? Do you think people read these for the witty titles? I love the irony in the fact that you worked so hard to go through the list and copy every one of my titles to make a list so that other people don't have to work so hard by clicking their mouse. Nobody cares that you're doing this for them, hero.
4:25PM on 09/21/2011
I take that back. You didn't learn.
I take that back. You didn't learn.
2:55PM on 09/21/2011
10. Eternal Happiness - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
9. P for Portman's Perfect Pooper - V FOR VENDETTA
8. The Exact Moment I Found Lauren Holly Hot - DUMB & DUMBER
7. Nice Beaver - THE NAKED GUN
6. Great Scots - BRAVEHEART
5. Jessica's Rabbit - WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT
4. Historic Bush - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
3. Fire(bush) Down Below - THE BREAKFAST CLUB
2. That Girl - THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH
1. Cat's Meow-Meow - BASIC INSTINCT
10. Eternal Happiness - ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
9. P for Portman's Perfect Pooper - V FOR VENDETTA
8. The Exact Moment I Found Lauren Holly Hot - DUMB & DUMBER
7. Nice Beaver - THE NAKED GUN
6. Great Scots - BRAVEHEART
5. Jessica's Rabbit - WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT
4. Historic Bush - A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
3. Fire(bush) Down Below - THE BREAKFAST CLUB
2. That Girl - THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH
1. Cat's Meow-Meow - BASIC INSTINCT
2:06PM on 09/21/2011
Didn't you post the whole Top Ten on your comments last time? I guess you learned your lesson.
Didn't you post the whole Top Ten on your comments last time? I guess you learned your lesson.
10:47AM on 09/21/2011
I want to check out that Breakfast Club upskirt now.
I want to check out that Breakfast Club upskirt now.
Your Reply:



10:39AM on 09/21/2011
Now I'm curious in researching that upskirt from The Breakfast Club. On to Google.....
Now I'm curious in researching that upskirt from The Breakfast Club. On to Google.....
Your Reply:



10:26AM on 09/21/2011

Dude Where's My Car?

What about the end of Dude Where's My Car? with the super hot giantess walking around with a sexy short skirt and all the guys can see up at her panties?
What about the end of Dude Where's My Car? with the super hot giantess walking around with a sexy short skirt and all the guys can see up at her panties?
Your Reply:



10:38AM on 09/21/2011
That was an epic upskirt is every sense of the word.
That was an epic upskirt is every sense of the word.
8:15AM on 09/21/2011

Classic...

really one of the most iconic scenes of the black and white era...
really one of the most iconic scenes of the black and white era...
Your Reply:



7:45AM on 09/21/2011
I can't believe you missed out Scarlett Johansson in The Perfect Score. I love that shot!
I can't believe you missed out Scarlett Johansson in The Perfect Score. I love that shot!
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