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02.11.2009by: Jim Law

Top 10 Ass-Kicking Sci-Fi Hotties

Being hot in a science fiction movie is scary business. Sure, you might catapult yourself to superstar status, build a solid career, and achieve every single professional goal you had ever set out for yourself...... but there's always going to be that group of internet guys that obsess a little bit too much. Guys that treat your nip-slips with more excitement than you winning an Oscar. Guys that have links to your nude scenes before the film even comes out on DVD. Guys that will devote their entire lives to creating and updating unofficial fansites dedicated to you but never have any real relationships of their own. Basically, guys like us. Welcome to the Sci-Fi genre, where the boobies are just as much a part of the fantasy as the laser blasters are. NOTE: I left off any comic book movies. That's a whole other list.

10. Alex - SATURN 3 (1980)

Alex (Farrah Fawcett) doesn't exactly kick a ton of ass in this film but this was as close to an excuse I was ever going to get to include her in the Ten Spot. I must of watched this movie a thousand times when I was a kid, cursing that damn robot for hurting my Farrah and pausing the ever-so-subtle tit appearance for hours. Give me a break, Farrah was like Alba, Biel, Johansson, and Salma all rolled into one back in the day.

9. Leeloo - THE FIFTH ELEMENT (1997)

I've seen this movie once, when it first came to home video, and had no idea what the hell was going on half (all) the time. All I remember is some sort of epic struggle to see Milla Jovovich's bush and Chris Tucker being annoying as fuck. Still, this film made a very positive impact on my life as many of the little hotties at my Halloween parties decided to dress up like her for years.

8. T-X - TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES (2003)

There's plenty of hotties in the modern day Terminator world thanks to 'The Sarah Conner Chronicles' but, for the first two instalments, there was nothing more to look at than Linda Hamilton's rippling biceps. The T-X (Kristanna Loken) took care of that in T3. What the film lacked in story was all but forgotten by the time you see her on that very first nude killing spree. I'm sure if she remained nude the entire film Arnold would have met his match in the end. Unless he was nude too. See how much better this movie could have been?

7. Ĉon Flux - ĈON FLUX (2005)

Another one of those "What the fuck is going..... whoa, look at that ass!" type movies I've come accept in my old age. The perfect hot woman is like a plot device to me now. Charlize could have spoke Russian this entire movie and I wouldn't even have to look at the subtitles. It just didn't matter. Kick a little ass, bounce around the dangerous blades of grass, kick a little more ass. You're on the list.

6. Queen Padmé Amidala - THE PREQUEL TRILOGY (1999-2005)

Luckily, Natalie Portman turned 18 shortly after the release of THE PHANTOM MENACE. This saved the thought police a shitload of paper work. Through all the hate and disappointment I've heard over these three movies, there's never once been a bad thing thing said about Natalie. She even gets the benefit of the doubt during the "I don't like sand." conversation. Maybe it's because we know she dies via powerful Vader-seed. Maybe it's because we know what her daughter looks like in a slave bikini. Maybe it's just because she rocks.

5. Sil - SPECIES (1995)

You know you're hot when people still want to have sex with you even thought they know it would result in some sort of horrendous death via space-tentacle. The hornier she gets, the more powerful she becomes. This is a rule I try to live by, which is why I like to watch porn while I lift weights. Sadly, the whole work out only last 2 or 3 minutes.

4. River Tam - SERENITY (2005)

All the ladies aboard Serenity are hotties in their own special way but only River (Summer Glau) has the ability to annihilate major ass. One second you're whispering sweet nothings into her tiny little ear-hole and the next second she's beating an entire army of Reavers into a bloody pulp. What did you say? It doesn't matter, anything can trigger Tam Tam's violated brain, causing mass fatalities and precise assassin abilities. She sure is cute though eh?

3. Trinity - THE MATRIX TRILOGY (1999-2003)

You can't teach the level of awesomeness Trinity (Carrie Ann Moss) has achieved. I've tried, with my wife. I don't know how many nights we've spent in the basement trying to get her to float in mid-air before karate kicking our dog through the window. It always ends the same though, me drunk, threatening to move to the Matrix and her peeling off the leather jumpsuit while calling her boyfriend. Our dog hates us.

2. Barbarella - BARBARELLA (1968)

Hot damn, Jane Fonda was a sexy biznitch (waaaaaay) back in the day. This film doesn't disappoint while proving that fact either. Before the credits are done rolling Barbarella has already stripped naked in zero gravity and proven her desire to be "bummed in the gob" as a major plot point. All female leads should want the sex as much as Barb. All films, no matter the genre, should feature the "excessive machine", a machine that undresses you and promises death by pleasure. This is one remake I'm looking forward to.

1. Princess Leia Organa - THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY (1977-1983)

You might think it's just because of the bikini but it's so much more than that. Everybody wanted a piece of that ass. Han, Lando, the Ewoks, her brother, Chewie, Tarkin, most Stormtroopers, Jabba, Salacious Crumb, and probably Obi-Wan, the old perv. The sexual tension was always present once they all saw how a real woman rolls in a time of action. Jabba was a straight-up pimp. He's the only one smart enough to get her out of those bulky rebellion robes and into something a little more comfortable. Too bad it allowed her to kill him with her bare hands. Bow down to the Princess.

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