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03.23.2011by: Jim Law

Top 10 Awesome Bridge Moments

I have the recurring dream about driving on a highway that leads me to this ridiculously high bridge. As I drive across it feels like I'm on the world's biggest roller coaster. There are no side rails, the wind is shifting everything, and my tires are barely hanging on to the road. I never reach the top and I never see what is on the other side. I looked up what it meant on one of those "dream definition" sites and it just said " You're a fucking loser." and blocked my IP address. I've decided to write this column to help me work through some issues.

Honorable Mention: THE LOST BOYS

There's nothing too special going on here other than Michael getting to know his new dead friends, but when I thought of this topic this was the first scene to pop in my head. That's gotta count for something, right? Apparently.

10. MONSTERS vs ALIENS

While I thought they missed the mark for most of this film you can't help but be impressed with the epic action during the bridge-battle scene. I chose this over the opening scene in TOY STORY 3 so you know it left it's mark with me. Buzz would still kick all their asses though.

9. CLOVERFIELD

This is the moment the shit truly hits the fan for our heroes. There hasn't been a single time I've been crossing the bridge to Detroit and haven't pictured Clovey's tail obliterating the section I just happen to be on. So, thanks for that.

8. STAND BY ME

I've played in some fine industrial death traps in my day but this just seems unfair. How can any adventurous boy not want to cross this yellow brick road? At least throw up a sign that reads "Fat Kids: Do Not Attempt!" Because they're fat.

7. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI

There's tons of great old-school manly shit going on and around this bridge throughout the film but nothing beats the satisfaction of finally seeing it blow up at the end. Eat it, stupid bridge. I've actually reenacted this scene with my sons and their Legos. There was crying.

6. THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES

It's a very eerie feeling the moment you realize what's about to happen in this scene. It gets even worse when you find out it actually happened in real life and 46 people died. Mothman is a dick.

5.5. KUNG-FU PANDA

That's right, we got ourselves a .5. There was one film I forgot about and another I revisited after plenty of suggestions and had to find room for it. Anyhoo, this scene in Panda was simply epic. Probably the best bridge fight scene of all time. Even better when you're high as a kite. And twelve.

5. KING KONG

I went O.G. with this scene because it's phenomenal to watch. The remakes add nothing special and I love the dead thud of the dudes hitting the cavern floor below. It's like they just put hats on sand bags and threw them off a cliff. Exactly like that.

4. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III (tie)

We'll call MI:3 the readers choice award. After many people demanding it's inclusion I gave it a revisit (the first time since I saw it in theaters) and decided you were all right. However, I couldn't bring myself to put it ahead of Jamie Lee's cleavage. As sexy as it is to see a five-foot-fuck-all Tom Cruise jump over a seventeen foot hole in the road, Jamie Lee is just on another level in this film. Both are fun to watch though.

4. TRUE LIES (tie)

We'll call MI:3 the readers choice award. After many people demanding it's inclusion I gave it a revisit (the first time since I saw it in theaters) and decided you were all right. However, I couldn't bring myself to put it ahead of Jamie Lee's cleavage. As sexy as it is to see a five-foot-fuck-all Tom Cruise jump over a seventeen foot hole in the road, Jamie Lee is just on another level in this film. Both are fun to watch though.

3. LOTR: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

Sadly, I'm embarrassed to admit this is the scene I forgot about. Normally I would get drunk and justify my mistakes with witty one-liners and blatant denial but there's no excuse here. This is the epic finale to one of my favorite sequences of all time and I should be punished.

2. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

One of Monty Python's funniest moments of all time and the reason I always add "... of Death" to anything my kids ask me about. "Are you sure you want to try the Cookie of Death? You'll have to answer these three questions first." Whoever goes second is always shit-out-of-luck.

1. INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

Thank God none of these evil assholes carried a gun. How less-amazing would this moment be if some sniper put a round in Dr. Jones temple from 60 yards away? Short Round wails like a bitch before taking his own life by nose-diving into the a-hole of an alligator. Can you imagine how hysterically annoying Willie would be if this happened? They might cut the bridge anyway just to shut her up. The end.

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