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08.25.2010by: Jim Law

Top 10 Awesome Bus moments

True story: 13 years ago my friends and I rented a school bus to drive us to Pontiac Michigan so we could party. We were so drunk when we left a handful of us got on the wrong bus and started fighting the people that were there waiting for their friends. What followed was a full-out bus vs. bus brawl in the middle of the street. Windows were kicked in, emergency exit doors were blasted open, faces were punched. The cops showed up and we simply loaded up our bus (the right one) and drove across the border while singing the Hockey Night in Canada theme song. As a side note, I was so shitfaced I punched two of my friends in the face during the melee. They never let me forget about it. In other fun bus news....

10. I'll Turn This Bus Around! - BILLY MADISON

If it was anybody other than Chris Farley driving this bus I would have never included it. I miss this fat bastard like he was part of my family. These kids didn't appreciate who was taking them on their precious field trip, and for that they should have paid.

9. Rooney Eats It - FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF

Rooney takes a long, slow walk of shame down the school bus aisle after the shittiest day of his life. We laugh. If anybody knew what was to become of Mr. Principal he would have never been allowed within a hundred feet of those kids.

8. Team Creeper - JEEPERS CREEPERS 2

It's just one of those films where I hate everybody involved except the villain and want to see everybody die horrible deaths.We get that for the most part, between homo-erotic dialogue and general high school student stupidity. Ray Wise rules.

7. Sing! - DIRTY HARRY

Nothing too spectacular here but I've always loved the way this dude starts slapping the shit out of these kids because they won't sing Row Row Row Your Boat and then threatens to kill all their mothers. Worst chaperon ever.

6. Pee Wee Gets Laid - PORKY'S

Everything is perfect about this scene. Pee Wee trying to find a rubber that fits, Ms. Balbricker trying to "identify" Tommy's penis, the bright pink credits. I can't even begin to imagine how much of a slut Wendy had to be to go through with this bet as the entire town is standing outside the bus.

5. The Flying Bus - SWORDFISH

One of the most ridiculously stupid getaway plans ever. It's awesome. Why didn't they just get on the helicopter? This is kind of like getting in a row boat and then hooking up to a speed boat to get away. One less step and you're home free, dumbasses.

4.5. WTF? - TRAITOR

Somebody is losing out on their virgins in the afterlife. What set out to be a string of bus explosions throughout the city ends up being one big party in the middle of nowhere. You still gotta feel bad for the other people on this bus, they paid a fare just to be collateral damage.

4. Drop F*cking Dead - FINAL DESTINATION

It's been spoofed about a thousand times since then but none of those scenes had an impact like this. I always wondered what the hell the bus driver was looking at as he was bearing down on the pretty blonde girl in the middle of the street. Death is a funny mother-f*cker.

3.5. Dead Pedestrians Xing - DAWN OF THE DEAD

I can't believe I almost forgot this shit. After a quick A-Team montage of pimping these buses out the survivors do their best to proceed with the best road trip ever. From beginning to end this scene delivers the major reason I couldn't hate this film. And I really wanted to hate this film.

3. Most of This Movie - SPEED

Pop quiz, f*ck-face. I've always wanted to type that. I love everything about SPEED. A lot of that has to do with it's setting. Most of it has to do with Keanu and Hopper. A little of it has to do with Sandra's sweaty cleavage. I'm not a hard man to please.

2. The F'd-Train - THE FUGITIVE

Dr. Kimble does nothing but find himself in the completely wrong places at the completely wrong times throughout this film. This might be the worst prison break of all time. Unless, of course, the plans read like this: 1. Mostly everybody dies. 2. Park on tracks and get leveled by train. 3. The only guy not in on the plan gets away.

1. Seamstress For The Band - ALMOST FAMOUS

If you've read this column for the better part of the last 6 years, there was no doubt as to what the top spot would be. It's my favorite moment in film of the last decade, a perfect feel-good, come together moment of self-discovery, forgiveness, and acceptance. And it made sure 'Tiny Dancer' will for ever be on my playlist.

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