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07.01.2009by: Jim Law

Top 10 Awesome Movie Pool Parties

I finally opened my pool last week. I like to wait until it's a thousand degrees outside, work my ass off for two days straight, and then stare at the water as the temperature drops to seventy causing nobody in my family to use it. It's lot's of fun if you hate yourself. While I'm sitting out there in my water wings and goggles I like to fantasize about these elaborate pool parties I would have if I had friends. They always begin with me doing a Triple Lindy from my roof. People applaud for hours and get shit-faced while I tell stories of my tour on the USS Indianapolis until all the glorious women finally get nude and I run out of towels. And then a bird shits in my eye and I wake up to realize I still suck.

Honourable Mention: The Greatest Scene Ever - FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH

This isn't really a pool party since a) there's only two girls sitting by the pool and b) the scene in question is only happening in Judge Reinhold's head while he squeezes one out in the bathroom. However, I feel it's my duty to talk about this movie moment at least once every year until I die.

10. Wet Cat Fight - WILD THINGS

This is a little more along the lines of what I'm talking about. Sure there's only two girls (again), but they're there for some sort of sneaky mischief meeting. Things start getting out of hand so they jump into the pool and slap the shit out of each other for a few minutes, get naked, and make out. They might need some chlorine in that bitch after this.

9. Kids Are Yummy - ALLIGATOR

The party may start inside but when two douchebag kids decide to play "feed the alligator a wimpy kid" they take the fun outside. They basically push this poor little nerd into the monsters mouth and then run off crying. Who invited these kids? Imagine cleaning out the filter the next morning because it's clogged with a giant alligator dump dressed in a pirate costume.

8. Cannonball! - ANCHORMAN

I like to think these are the type of pool parties my parents went to. Extremely chauvinistic, awkward, and driven by scotch. Whoever is hosting gets free reign over all the women, everybody in the pool is smoking, someone has to skim the chest hair out of the water, and nobody goes in the house to use the bathroom.

7. Knight School - REAL GENIUS

When your school's pool is unavailable for spur of the moment pool parties, make one in the orchestra pit of your favorite auditorium. Invite lots of hot students from the dumb college down the block and try to get all your resident nerds laid. Then you can comment about the size of a woman's breasts and carry her out into the hallway where you will have dirty, meaningless sex. These are the things I've learned from Chris Knight, a pimp among pimps.


Personally, I think this is Freddy's greatest entrance. He busts through the deck via mini-trampoline and starts picking off fat kids and jocks alike. He is not biased when it comes to school politics. The pool starts boiling over, the fences become electric, wieners are popping, beer is shooting everywhere, and the entire backyard becomes a giant tiki inferno. You ask me, this party just got a hundred times better.

5. Famous Last Words - ALMOST FAMOUS

I totally give my wife props for thinking of this scene for me. I can't believe it escaped me since this is the moment that eventually leads to one of my favourite movie moments ever on the 'Tiny Dancer' bus. It's not as cool as Phoebe Cates breasts but it does the job. "I'm on drugs!!"


I like bums. Sexy lady bums. This scene not only fullfills in that regard but also gives you some smoothly shaven mounds of naughty-naughts to stare at. And a penis, surrounded by a giant wet pubic afro. Just so you know, this is the theme of the next staff party. If you wear pants, Arrow kills you. So says the invitation.

3. Bump, Set, Focked - MEET THE PARENTS

Seeing woman and children get hurt in films makes me laugh way too hard. Like, awkward, demented laughter that makes my wife slide farther away from me in the theater and wonder about her safety. Maybe I was beaten by a gang of unruly female children when I was a baby. Maybe I'm an asshole.


There's so much quality shit going on in this scene to take in. The synchronized swimming, the chaos caused by the arrival of the caddies, the hot chick off the diving board, and, of course, the doody. This has to be the most famous piece of poop in the history of film (even though it's a chocolate bar). I'll check the stats and get back to you with a future Ten Spot (hmmm, was Mr. Hankey in the SOUTH PARK movie?).

1. "May I see it?" - BOOGIE NIGHTS

As much shit that goes down in the CADDYSHACK scene, this scene doubles the pleasure. Just think, we get to meet Reed, Buck, and Scotty (above), it's the first time we get to see Little Bill's wife get banged (on a driveway, nonetheless), some little spinner OD's on coke, Marky Mark whips his dick out for the Colonel, and it's the first time we hear the name "Dirk Diggler'. I love this movie more and more every time I see it. And I've seen it a lot.



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