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10.06.2010by: Jim Law

Top 10 Awesome Signature Moves

This was tough one to nail down. I had to eliminate all super heroes right off the hop. When Cyclops shoots lasers out of his eyes it's called a super power, not a signature move. I just tried to find some unique moves that ended up helping the characters in one way or another. Forgive the lack of specific dance scenes. That's why I included the moonwalking stormtrooper above, it may not make sense (at all) but it made me giggle. Here we go.

10. The Shoulder Pop - LETHAL WEAPON 2

I wonder if Mel can do this trick in real life. I hope so because something tells me there's a real life straitjacket being fitted for him at the nearest nut-house. If he can escape, do some Three Stooges moves, and slam some asshole's head in in a car door all of his bullshit will be forgiven. All of it.

9. The Truffle Shuffle - GOONIES

Goonie solidarity aside, if your buddies are making you do this type of shit just to get into their yard, it's time to quit the group. And what the fuck, Chunk? You use the makeshift stage to do this and not to help you hop the fence? Have some pride you fat bitch.

8. The Pee Wee - PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE

Anybody else does this dance in a biker bar and they get their balls tacked on to the dart board. I know this all from experience. He should have a cameo on 'Sons of Anarchy'. He's no less creepy than the dude that kept jerking off all the time. Wait a second....

7. Going Over the Top - OVER THE TOP

Every time I try this shit during an arm wrestling match I get my ass handed to me. I put the hat on backwards (in slow motion, of course), wait until a critical moment in the match, and then do the gay finger wristy thingy. It always ends with some random dude folding me over like a garment bag. Lies, I tell ya, it's all lies!

6. The Crane - THE KARATE KID

Would have made it higher had he not tried it again in the sequel and got himself bitch-slapped. Imagine that shit worked again though and there was like 5 or 6 sequels where Daniel gets fucked up for an hour and a half and then he finally decides to bust out the crane and beats everybody's ass? He'd be like "Booyah, Bitch!" and we'd be like "Damn (Daniel)Son"! Could work as a TV show.

5. The Happy Slap - HAPPY GILMORE

You know you've tried this shit. This is how pathetic my life is - the last time I tried to hit a golf ball this way I completely missed, stumbled, and broke my toe. The best part? It was indoor golf. There are very few words to describe how much of an asshole I am when I'm drunk.

4. The Heart Stoppa - INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

I wish David Blaine would learn this trick and we got to vote on his victims for a live broadcast in prime time. It would be the last popularity contest Lindsay Lohan ever won. As an encore he could do it to himself.

3. The Nerve Pinch - STAR TREK FILMS

My JoBlo Podcast co-host, Johnny Moreno, thinks I used this one on him the last time we went out drinking together. He ignores the litre of gin and the eight-ball he had for dinner and swears it's my fault he woke up in a recently deceased hooker's house on the east side of Chicago. I don't even speak Vulcan.

2. The Triple Lindy - BACK TO SCHOOL

I wish there were more opportunities to use this move in real life. Such as - I triple lindied the garbage out last night. Or even, I triple lindied the shit out of those chicks from the bar. I don't have a diving board.

1. Deep Throating - DEEP THROAT

Good for her. There are some thing you just can't teach the female youth of today. No matter how many hours upon hours you spend trying to teach them. Or how many nice girls you choke to death with a freezer full of foot-long hot dogs during that process. I've been triple lindying from the cops for years because of this shit.

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