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12.29.2010by: Jim Law

Top 10 Badass Villains Who Really Weren't

In an effort to switch things up a little (I'm lazy) here's a guest Ten Spot from one of our readers featuring some of Hollywood's most famous bad guys, and why they aren't who you thought they were. Special thanks to Adam Corbett for putting together the list and had this to say:

"I have been a huge fan of the JoBlo web site for several years. Since I am currently unemployed, I have a little free time on my hands and I was wondering, for your consideration, if you would take a look at a 10 spot list I have included for possible inclusion on your web site. I wrote it in hopes it captures the spirit of your column and maybe one day it would grace your web site. I hope you enjoy it and keep up the brilliant work you do on a daily basis."

Thanks Adam. And thanks to everybody for making The Ten Spot live on for another year!

10. Percy Wetmore - THE GREEN MILE

Typical little guy thinking he’s a bad ass. I hesitate even putting him on this list, but he was such a despicable character I think his tale should be a lesson to those who think they are big $#%&. I personally despise those who use family influence, partnered with a mile high arrogance, to treat people no matter who they are like garbage. Still, after being held hostage and pissing himself, Percy sunders on until the big little man snaps and crushes a poor mouse. Personally, whatever John Coffee’s magic did to him after he took care of Wild Bill, I think he got off light. Vegetable walking!

9. Skynet - TERMINATOR SALVATION

Watching Terminator and Terminator 2 Judgment Day, Skynet was such a perceived threat, not seen, but its’ presence was everywhere and terrifying. The T-800 and later models were some of the most devastating weapons ever. Somehow, Terminator Salvation not only made it no longer scary, but dare I say, gave it an old timey villain’s mustache. What really was the endgame point of creating Marcus with no hidden bombs or even direct control over him? Perhaps Skynet used all it’s memory creating the Helena Bonham Carter hologram for the cringe worthy “monologue” scene. Unfortunately, all this movie managed to do was defang this faceless computer and just made it as threatening as your average auto maker.

8. Saruman - LOTR TRILOGY

I know I’ll get some flak for this one, but hear me out. He may be the oldest and wisest of his Order, but really, what threat does he actually possess? His army is comprised of Sauron’s own minions, he beats Gandlaf by only force pushing him through the ceiling, and when surrounded, chucks a few fireballs that are casually swatted away. Worse yet, someone so wise should know not to piss off the talking trees, not to mention he angers his own unstable flunky Wormtongue, leading to his own demise. I think Sauron was just trying to avoid discrimination suits from not hiring the elderly.

7. The Wicked Witch of the West - THE WIZARD OF OZ

Say what you will, the Wicked Witch of the West had all the makings of a true baddie. Green skin, black attire, an evil laugh, army of flying monkeys, nothing in the land of OZ should have presented any challenge. With all that power, only the simple act of splashing some water on her brings her to a mess of bubbly ruin. If the munchkins had known this earlier, one of them could have just hocked a luggie her way and end her sham of a reign. I imagine Dorothy’s arrival in Munchkinland may have gone a little differently, just avoid the witch’s puddle.

6. Dick Jones - ROBOCOP

You have to hand it to him, the guy really was a ball busting prick. He gives new meaning to “cut throat” competition but at the end, he was just another victim of corporate downsizing. I mean, his creation killed poor Kinny (You bastard), he blew up another exec’s house, and destroyed his place of work in a mechanical shoot out, but it still wasn’t enough to get him fired. It wasn’t until he threatened the Old Man that it got him tossed out the window like any other thug. No golden parachute for you, Dick.

5. Castor Troy - FACE/OFF

This guy was the quintessential villain for two thirds of this movie and he just tripped over the finish line. Maybe it was the scripts fault, but after becoming the “top cop” with Travolta’s face, he just ho hummed his way to the end of the movie, waiting for that lame boat chase showdown. He redeemed himself briefly by trying to cut his own face off, but by then a fishing spear introduced itself to his torso. Not really a good way to go and not very satisfying for us either.

4. Biff Tannen - BTTF TRILOGY

Biff Tannen is really just a rotten bully. He surrounds himself with witless underlings and picks on those weaker then him, sure, but him getting laid out by that bum George McFly, you don’t come back from that. Tweak him out and you get Griff, dirty him up and Bufford is shooting at you. Marty should do this guy a favor and run over his ancestors with the Delorean, back up, repeat. No more screen doors in his battleship.

3. John Kreese - THE KARATE KID

Without a doubt, a very intimidating man. He runs a no nonsense dojo, instructs in the ways of pain and discipline, and commands the respect of all he instructs. He even made it to the end of the first movie with his head held high despite defeat. Tragically, it all comes undone in the first five minutes of the sequel. He demoralizes his students and makes a semi racial slur to another sensei. Further humiliation comes when he can’t even land a punch to said sensei, instead striking a well deserving pair of car windows. The final cu de grass is getting his nose honked as his eyes plead don’t hurt me. Show no mercy for this poser.

2. Lex Luthor - SUPERMAN

When you’re arguably the greatest criminal mastermind of all time, nothing says “capture me” more than inviting the single greatest super hero to your home and putting him through a few annoying traps. When you do actually subdue him with his only weakness, you just leave the room and expect his death to go according to plan. Throw in an unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism and you’re brilliant mind should be wearing a helmet. They really should have stuck with the comic Luthor.

1. The Emperor - STAR WARS FILMS

Unlimited Power! Wield a dark and terrible power, check. Manipulate a galactic civil war, check. Create an entire group of soldiers solely dedicated to you, check. You can be the worst bad ass around, but you’re only as good as how you go out. Even though he served as one of the galaxies most feared villains, at the end of the day, he was still taken out like a turtle on his back by a one armed cyborg. Fail.

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