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04.06.2011by: Jim Law

Top 10 Baseball Bat Moments

I have no idea who that chick is in the above pic so let's just move on. The boys of summer are back and even though I've been a little heavy on the sports themed Ten Spots lately I thought there was no better time to bust this bitch out. Check out some of my favorite baseball bat moments in the history of film. I do, however, have some new favorites after searching for that title pic and entering "baseball bat hotties" into Google images. How does it fit in there?

Honorable Mention: 50 FIRST DATES

Everybody wants to beat Rob Schneider with a baseball bat. When we get to see Drew actually live out our fantasy it's like she's swinging for all of us. Good form, woman.

10. MAJOR LEAGUE

Cerrano's bat is afraid of curveballs. Enter Jobu. This drunk, chain-smoking little asshole apparently has the power to hit the bender with his giant stick. Also, don't drink his rum.

9. IDENTITY

If you've ever wondered if Jake Busey could deep-throat a Louisville Slugger, here's your answer. Looks like he used a little too much teeth. Nice hair.

8. ZOMBIELAND

Tallahassee swings for the fences and pads his stats with another fat dead guy. I love how he leaves the weight on to get that little extra follow through. The guy that invented Facebook is a bitch.

7. SIGNS

Swing away, Merrill, you washed up hack. What doesn't this dude hit in this room? Thank God he wasn't a tennis player. This scene would have been way less cool. On the subject though, couldn't he have just picked up the glasses of water and thrown them directly on the alien?

6. INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

I almost left this scene off because of the ridiculously long entrance they give the Bear Jew. I've never read a scene so cool and then have it butchered so badly in real life. Almost all of this has to do with Eli Roth's face.

5. OFFICE SPACE

This scene is awesome and all but the greatest moment to come from it is when the boys go back to the house and Samir busts out that wicked windmill in the living room. I laugh out loud every time I see it.

4. THE NATURAL

No pressure here, Bobby, but if you don't replace this bat I just broke with a winner then we're going to lose this game and the movie will suck balls. Don't worry, Hobbs. I got this shit. Bobby should have been MVP of the series.

3. CASINO

Before Nicky gets to die he's allowed to watch his brother being beaten to death with baseball bats by the future cast of The Sopranos. There are some solid swings here. These guys have definitely played on the sandlot in their youth when they weren't running drugs up and down the block and stealing shit.

2. THE SHINING

Speaking of solid swings, Wendy looks like a blind three-year-old as she swats at Jack. Put your hands together, woman! Why are you choked up so much? Goddammit, keep your eye on his head!

1. THE UNTOUCHABLES

It's all about teamwork, I know this this now. It was driven into my brain deeper and deeper with every swing Capone takes. I've been to dinner parties like this with the JoBlo crew. It's how we say good-bye. No matter how many times we smash Moreno's brains in, he just keeps coming back.

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