Last Updated on August 3, 2021
1. Gomer Pyle – FULL METAL JACKET (1987)
The first third of this film is dominated by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (R. Lee Ermey). His verbal abuse is epic and for the most part, fun to laugh along with. You almost forget that these other characters that he’s talking down to are human. By the end of this first act we get a haunting reminder of how much shit one man can take. Private Leonard Lawrence (Vincent D’Onofio) is the guy taking most of the heat for being fat, out of shape, ugly, and just plain stupid – but just as you stop chuckling and realize what’s about to happen, Leo gets the last laugh. Once you’ve watched this scene I find it impossible to forget.
2. Mother – PSYCHO (1960)
No, I’m not talking about the first toilet to be flushed on screen. Of course I mean the scene that many old timers still consider the scariest moment in the history of movies. You know the drill – Marion (Janet Leigh) gets nude, hops in the shower, scrubs some privates, gets stabbed to death. It doesn’t matter how many times you see it, the music still makes your skin crawl. Few scenes have ever matched it’s absolute perfection in pace, angle, and suspense.
3. Here’s Johnny – THE SHINING (1980)
You can actually take your pick here. There’s the bathroom scene with the naked woman that turns into the rotting corpse, the scene where Jack (Jack Nicholson) talks with Delbert (Philip Stone) and learns he’s “always been the caretaker”, or the scene I’ve decided to go with here. After Grady lets Jack out of the food locker he decides to spend some time with the family….. and an axe. Jack’s one liners are great but the true horror of this scene comes from the performance of Shelly Duvall. It’s not hard to imagine that she really is petrified of Jack and makes you wonder how much of the drinky he had before shooting this day.
4. Come Out and Play – THE WARRIORS (1979)
On the way to clearing their name for the murder of Cyrus, our Warriors find themselves face to face with The Punks while waiting for their train to Coney Island. Since they all wanted to make this list they decide to enter a bathroom and deliver one of the greatest fight scenes of all time. The Punks turn out to be just that as they fall for the old check-under-the-stall trick and end up getting their overall wearing asses kicked before they get a chance to pinch it off.
5. Michael Takes Charge – THE GODFATHER (1972)
Had the executions taken place in the bathroom, this would be no contest. We have to settle for the defining moment of family dedication as Michael stops avoiding his destiny and finds the gun. This really isn’t about the scene, it’s about the moment. Entering that bathroom is the most important event the Corleone legacy. It gave them the power they strived for and sealed the fate of those who couldn’t handle it.
6. Bad Habits – TRAINSPOTTING (1996)
Every time I see this scene I thank God I never got into drugs and then swear them off for another thousand years. Renton (Ewan McGregor) decides to quit heroine cold turkey after one final hit. The only problem is that he’s dropped that hit (opium suppositories) into “The Worst Toilet in Scotland”. The retrieval of the pills turns into a hallucinated journey to the bottom of a porcelain bowl of scum and human waste. Starting a heroine habit after watching this movie would be like buying a pet shark for your pool after seeing JAWS
7. Turbo Lax – DUMB & DUMBER (1994)
There had to be one poop scene right? I guess you can describe me as a dick & fart kind of guy because there few moments in film history I have laughed harder at. What starts as abnormally powerful stomach grumblings in the car leads to every first date’s worst nightmare as Harry (Jeff Daniels) literally destroys Mary’s (Lauren Holly) toilet and then discovers it won’t flush. The stretch of incredibly powerful diarrhea and inhuman flatulence is highlighted by him telling Mary he’ll be out when he’s done shaving. There should be Oscars for this type of stuff.
8. Explosive Gas – LETHAL WEAPON 2 (1989)
I like to believe it was this scene that made Murtaugh (Danny Glover) and Riggs (Mel Gibson) one of, if not the greatest, buddy/cop tandems ever. Nothing says friendship more than helping a pal out while his pants are around his ankles, seconds away from dropping a load, and there’s a bomb strapped under his ass. “Guys like you don’t die on toilets.”
9. The Do-Over – COPYCAT (1995)
One of the most underrated films of the 90’s features one of the most intense climaxes to ever take place in a public bathroom stall. That might have come out wrong but you know what I mean. Recreating the failed murder attempt of Helen (Sigourney Weaver), Foley (William McNamara) pulls out all the stops to make sure everything is perfect and to finish the job Daryll Lee (Harry Connick Jr.) couldn’t at the beginning of the film. Everything seems to be going as planned until Helen slips off that shoe. Then the fun starts.
10. Frank & Beans – THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)
There’s something to be said about a scene that can make every man in the theater cover his nuts and wince in pain simultaneously. That’s exactly what happened across the nation when Ted (Ben Stiller) zips up a little too quickly and catches his jibblies in that metallic death trap located in the front of most slacks. The capper is getting to see the carnage of flesh and shiny silver teeth entangled in a war few men have ever won.
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