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08.20.2008by: Jim Law

Top 10 Comedy Cliches That Need to Die

Everybody has their own sense of humour and I can appreciate that. However, there's no way more than twelve people across the planet think that Jamie Kennedy should keep making comedies. Or that Eddie Murphy should play two or more characters in his next film. Growing up watching those raunchy 80s comedies I would have never thought I could make it through a "funny" movie without laughing once. It happens a lot nowadays. Maybe I'm old and bitter. Maybe I've finally matured. Maybe the shit just ain't funny. Whatever the case here's my list of things I never want to see happen in another comedic film. You'll notice the absence of farts. Farts are funny people, deal with it.

10. "Cheque please."

Typical Set-Up: Something outrageous happens in a restaurant and the characters want to leave. I just don't get why this is funny. Oh my God, those crazy people want to leave the restaurant after their friend just puked in the fish tank and fell into that woman's salad. How dare they. This line of dialogue should be stricken from the English language. Replace it with "Buggy munch twat twirler." This is much funnier.

9. Cross Dressing

Typical Set-Up: Character has to go undercover as, gasp, the opposite sex. The comedic genius involved with a man pulling up his nylons is equivalent to a blind man walking into a wall. How many times can we see a man sit down in a dress with his legs wide open? How many times can a writer include the descriptive line "Man struggles with walking in high heels" and seriously expect anybody to laugh? I feel like punching Martin Lawrence right now.

8. White Black Guys

Typical Set-Up: Some white homeboy thinks he's a black dude and gets into trouble. This isn't even funny in real life. When I used to see these guys walking around (they don't still exist, do they?) it would make me furious. In fact, the only way I would laugh if was a group of black guys stumbled upon him and beat him to death. That part is always left out of the films. He usually ends up winning some mad props and nailing one of the hottest black women on the planet. Where's the justice in that?.

7. Fat Suits

Typical Set-Up: Skinny actors and actresses wear fat suits. Nobody laughs. Especially fat people. Look, Eddie Murphy is really fat! Let's make no less than three movies about this and forget to include anything resembling a plot and/or humour. Not to get too serious here but anybody that has ever done this in the name of comedy can go fuck themselves. You know how many out of work obese people there are walking around Hollywood? Little people are lucky we haven't found a way to shrink our a-listers.

6. Looking Into The Camera

Typical Set-Up: Somebody says something really witty and looks into the camera to see if we're laughing. We're not. How fucking smug do you have to be in order to include this in your film? It's like waiting for applause every time you're done talking. Do you really think your joke is that funny that you have to pause a moment and let the audience catch up with your awesomeness? Put it on a blooper reel and get back to the film douche.

5. Super Duper Gay Guys

Typical Set-Up: Somebody's best friend is beyond flamboyant and tries to prove it with every line he has. There are gay characters and then there are these guys. They'll usually be wearing pink half-tops and say "What a bitch" at least once during the film. In no way am I hacking on Lamar (above), just everybody that took the idea and ruined it after. To be honest, this cliché has kind of died down. I just want to make it stay that way.

4. Fainting

Typical Set-Up: Something crazy happens and somebody faints just to prove how crazy it was. There's no cheaper laugh in the business. Passing out when you're drunk or high? That can be funny. Taking a knock to the noodle and losing consciousness? Works more often than not. Fainting at the size of a double-dong dildo? Yawn. This is the physical version of saying "cheque please" and we all know how well that's been working.

3. Critter Fights

Typical Set-Up: Somebody approaches the cute and cuddly wild animal only to have it attack. Usually this involves genitalia being bitten. Aside form the squirrel in CHRISTMAS VACATION and maybe the dog in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY I have a hard time sitting through any film that uses this a go-to-gag. Especially when the animal looks exactly like a stuffed toy the minute it latches on. There are so many other things I'd rather watch than Ice Cube fighting a deer.

2. Man Ass

Typical Set-Up: Close up of a man's ass. Is this the new gratuitous tit shot? ORGAZMO used this tactic perfectly because they were trying to piss off the viewers. Now, filmmakers think showing the ugliest, hairiest ass is comedy gold. It's not. It's a trend that needs to be shelved right beside giant pubic hair, humongous zits, and Andy Dick.

1. Spoofing

Typical Set-Up: The lowest form of filmmaker takes ideas from every popular movie in the past few months and tries to be funny. I hate to put Carmen Electra out of a job but this shit has got to stop. These movies are beyond horrible and I beg you to stop paying money to see them. EPIC MOVIE, SUPERHERO MOVIE, DATE MOVIE, MEET THE SPARTANS, and I'll even go out on a limb and say DISASTER MOVIE combined haven't got an original comedy moment. Only



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