Top 10 Favorite Movie Sluts
My wife walked down here just after I posted that title and stared at the screen for a while. After an exaggerated sigh she silently turned away and went to bed. I don't what she's upset about more, me using the word slut when referring to women or the fact that I have ten favourite of them. I'm glad I didn't go with my original idea of The Ten Hottest Retarded Women. I also want to apologize to Tara Reid. I Googled "movie sluts" and she was one of the first pictures to come up. It all felt so right. On with my women issues.
The first second Elizabeth Banks come on screen you can tell she's a dirty bird. Where were these chicks when I was growing up? A 40-year-old virgin can pick up a chick this hot at a bar and bring her home for butt sex and bath masturbation? I once got a girl's number and pinned it on my fridge for my mom to see.
Imagine finding out your girlfriend sucked 36 dicks before she got around to yours. That's a total of 37 different dicks in the mouth you make out with. Every time she breathes in your general direction you're smelling Eau De 37 Dicks. Imagine using her toothbrush by mistake one night. Let's move on.
If Buffy was this slutty in her TV show I might of enjoyed watching a little more. Come to think of it, she was kind of a Vampire whore wasn't she? Ummm... right, Kathryn spends more time trying to fuck her step-brother in this movie than I've spent talking to my wife in the past week. And because of this shit, things aren't looking up for next week.
Every time Forrest stumbles upon Jenny in this film she's banging another loser. Sure, she mixes in a hand job here and there and lets him see her boobies once in a while but someone needed to kick some common sense into Gump's giant head before he knocked her up and got left with the kid when she croaked.
Any girl, no matter how remorseful they might be by the end of the movie, that bangs an entire football team is making this list. She kind of reminds me of the sluttiest girl I ever came across when I was in college. She comes into the guys bathroom, hikes up her skirt, and proceeds to piss in the drain in the middle of the floor. This story directly leads to the first meeting with my wife as she overheard me telling the story to my friends after and couldn't help but laugh every time I shouted the word vagina across the bar. It's the special moments that get you through each and every day.
At first glance one might think this is a love story. Look a little closer and you'll be wondering how much love is involved with a woman that picks a new player every season to screw. She says it's in the name of "The Church of Baseball". I say it's in the name of getting laid every summer.
She loses a little bit of her slut credentials by being a paid professional (does that even remotely make sense?) but every time we see her getting plugged it's off screen and usually in front of her husband. Let this be a lesson to all those loose women out there too - guns will close your legs for good.
I never knew slutiness was a disease until I caught this movie. This chick was so horny I'm suprised she didn't break off a table leg to varnish. Hey, if JT was my boyfriend I'd be looking to get pumped every five minutes too.
No character was safe from Kelly's nudeness in this film. Even when her man starts rubbing on another woman she just slips her tongue in there and gets some from the other side of the fence. And she's always wet. Sluts are always wet.
She's on the far right if you haven't seen it (and shame on you if you haven't). Any woman that sees a cock sticking out of a hole in the shower and says "Hey, I know that guy" has been around. I love how she basically gets pimped out at the end of the movie when she has to bang Pee Wee in the bus and she just laughs and goes along with it. Imagine saying to your girlfriend, "If this plan to destroy the strip club we went to last week works you have to screw my little buddy over there on this bus while everybody stands outside the window laughing." It doesn't go over well, I've tried.