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08.22.2007by: Jim Law

Top 10 Great Underwater Movie Moments

This just might be the hardest list I've ever put together. Too many scenes, not enough online information. I've left out any scenes in submarines, skipped by animated adventures such as FINDING NEMO and THE LITTLE MERMAID because I couldn't just pick one scene from either, and sadly had to omit the Samuel L. Jackson death scene from DEEP BLUE SEA because it wasn't underwatery enough. Make sense? Whatever, hold your breath and take it like a man.

10. Waterlogged - MEN OF HONOR (2000)

I don't even think I could float around my pool for nine hours straight and not get a little squirrelly. Carl Brashear (Cuba Gooding Jr.) does it underwater wearing a dive suit that weighs more than some cars while searching for the tiniest of nuts and bolts that some asshole decided to spray the ocean floor with. He finds all his shit and assembles a perfect product much to the dismay of Chief Racism and his jolly bunch of hate crime trainees.

9. Beer = Life - STRANGE BREW (1983)

This is why I always keep a case of empties in my backseat in case I happen to drive into the Detroit river one night and need some extra air. Also, they're fun for the baby to play with. Bob and Doug (Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas) have more than enough dead soldiers in their van to last a lifetime. The best part of this scene is when the rescue cop taps on the window and shows his badge. Doug rolls it down and gives him his licence. Classic.

8. Worst. Effects. Ever. - JAWS 3-D (1983)

It was just too awesome to leave off. Watch closely as Mr. Floaty Shark shatters the pressurized glass by tapping his nose on it and then abruptly stops to see what happens. Feel the horror as Dennis Quaid screams at the electrifying speed in which the predator closes in on them. Nothing is scarier than projectile shark teeth. That right there is 3-D at it's finest.

7. Swimming With Aliens - ALIEN RESURRECTION (1997)

The only moment worth remembering in this mess of a movie features the elegance of skinny dipping aliens and one awesome shot by Hellboy himself (Ron Pearlman) that leaves the synchronized swimming team short one member. The clip goes on a little long but I felt you needed to see the part where Pearlman shoots the spider. I don't really know why.

6. Me Tarzan, You Nude - TARZAN AND HIS MATE (1934)

It may be 1934 but this is one of the most beautifully shot underwater scenes ever put to film. Why Alba didn't recreate this moment in INTO THE BLUE is beyond me. While Maureen O'Sullivan plays Jane while jumping in the water, all the aquatic aerobics are performed by Josephine McKim, a very talented Olympic swimmer. And she gives good nude.

5. The Triwizard Challenge - HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE (2005)

I know all you Potter-Pervs would have liked it a whole lot more had Hermione broke out the two piece and Weasley rocked a Speedo but you'll have to settle for some gorgeous visuals and Harry with webbed fingers. Isn't that hot enough? I strongly suspect Merpeople are living in my pool and throw massive merparties when I leave for work every night. F*ck you, merpeople.

4. Hooper vs. Bruce - JAWS (1975)

Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) accomplishes nothing more than extremely pissing off the shark when he decides to go down below for a better look with his high-tech observation cage. Moments after this clip Jaws belly-flops on deck, destroys the boat, eats Quint (Robert Shaw) and scares the living f*ck out of everyone watching. Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) cleans up his mess in the end as Hooper comes out from his hiding spot and swims ashore. Is there no justice in Jaws World?

3. Zombie vs. Shark - ZOMBIE (1979)

This may have ranked lower on your list but considering the way I was brought up, there aren't many better moments in film for me. Watching a zombie fight a shark is right up there with the dog with a human head in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and anything Bruce Campbell says or does. More importantly, somewhere in Movieland, there is a zombie-shark swimming around waiting for it's own script to be written.

2. Bobbing for Bud - THE ABYSS (1989)

James Cameron's underappreciated classic turns from devastating (thinking Ed Harris bites the bullet) to beyond comprehension when the alien jellyfish show up to save the day and teach humanity a lesson. Thankfully, I was able to include the Director's Cut above which adds clarity to an already fantastic ending. Shape up or die people.

1. Bar Room Brawl - TOP SECRET (1984)

Originally, I wasn't going to put this at number one but I just couldn't stop laughing as I watched it over and over. I think it's the chandelier that sends it over the top for me. This movie deserves all the attention AIRPLANE and HOT SHOTS get and Nick Rivers (Val Kilmer) just might be cooler than any character in the past ten years. "Hillary. That's an unusual name." Awesome.

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