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02.24.2010by: Jim Law

Top 10 Greatest Characters Ruined by Sequels

This shit happens all the time. You see a movie, fall in love with a certain character, wait for the sequel, and end up disappointed because they messed around with said character. This is strictly movie character to movie character, I'm not going bitch about how they ruined the concept of Garfield from page to screen. I want to, but I'm not. Clear on the rules? Let's do this shit.

10. Elwood Blues - BLUES BROTHERS 2000

It took Dan Aykroyd almost twenty years to figure out why the Blues Brothers were so cool. And 90% of that reason is dead. The whole concept of this film feels dirty and could have only been worse had they cast Jim Belushi as a long lost brother - which is exactly what they did. He ended up dropping out due to scheduling conflicts but you can only imagine the backlash this film would get with him in it? I mean, it's already regarded as one of the worst sequels ever made.

9. The Hanson Bros. - SLAP SHOT 3: THE JUNIOR LEAGUE

This is just sad. Take all the depressing and awkward moments these guys have had to endure over the past couple decades pretending to be cult heroes, put it all in a direct-to-DVD movie, and hope people still care/remember. They don't.


I've never seen an actress so happy to be invited. The tough and sexy Marion we all grew up loving from RAIDERS is replaced with some bizarre soccer mom that spends the entire movie looking like she should be wearing a shirt that says "Free Hugs".

7. Scott Summers - X-MEN: THE LAST STAND

"We're going to do the Dark Phoenix Saga and kill Cyclops within the first half-hour." Someone involved with this film spat that sentence at one point during early production, and someone else was cool with it. Thing is, if you're a fan of The X-Men in any way, shape, or form you'd realize the utter stupidity of that concept.


Han Solo is a gigantic pussy in this film. He starts off as Jabba's bitch, gets rescued by his chick, gives up his ride to the guy that stabbed him the back so he can go save the universe, gets captured by Ewoks, gets rescued by C3PO, whines about Leia not liking him anymore, gets captured by stormtroopers, gets rescued by Ewoks, and wins the girl by default since her other piece of ass turns out to be her brother. Dance party.

5. Rocky Balboa - ROCKY V

To his credit, Rock is the only dude on the list to make things right with a follow up film. As for this travesty though, whoever thought it would be cool to replace his gloves with really bad headaches and an asshole kid should be slapped about the face and neck region by Clubber Lang's semi-chubb.


You could argue this character went to shit long before this entry but, for me, it wasn't until Busta Rhymes bitch slapped him in his own house that the fire behind my eyes started. To be more specific, the scene where Busta scolds Michael like he's his pimp and Michael just walks away almost made me start my very own killing spree.

3. Steve Stifler - AMERICAN WEDDING

This was basically the main reason I thought of this list. I can't get over how ridiculously stupid this character became in this film. They might as well of given him a spin-off TV show called 'The Crazy Stifler Variety Hour' and let us watch as he pulled silly stunts such as eating poop or having a dance-off with gay guys. At least then I could have changed the channel.

2. Peter Parker - SPIDER-MAN 3

With great power comes great rebellious retardation. Has there ever been a more useless plot device in the history of film? Oh no, Peter Parker is pissed and he traded his Spider-Man costume for the front rack at Hot Topic. Will he ever find it in his heart to stop angry-dancing and save the streets of New York again? Fuck off.

1. Darth Vader - THE OTHER TRILOGY

Sequel, prequel, squeakquel, whatever - Here's my idea of a day in the life of Darth Vader as a kid: Wakes up, punches his mom in the face, rocks a bowl of raw meat and moonshine for breakfast, and then watches old episodes of 'Pinky and the Brain' for ideas on how to rule the universe. After lunch he learns how to use the Force off the internet and heads to the playground to see if he use it to make nerdy kids' heads blow up. Builds a lightsaber, cuts his step-dad's face in half, and steals all his porn. Get's high after dinner with Jabba's retarded offspring and then goes to sleep in a hotwired landspeeder behind the local whore house. Says Yippee.

They almost got it right.



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