Latest Movie News Headlines

08.29.2014by: Alex Maidy

Top 10 Biggest Dicks in Movie History (NSFW Video Edition)

There are some movies that can get by with some T&A while others can have some explosion and massive spectacles of special effects. There are even movies that can showcase a cute kid or a dog and that wins over audiences. But, everyone loves a good dick. If you truly want your movie to succeed, give your audience a nice big dick on screen. Often, these dicks become more popular than the actors behind them, but they will forever be immortal on screen for being some of the meanest, worst people you could ever imagine. Yeah, that kind of dick. What did you think I was talking about? Oh, you have problems. In any case, if your favorite movie dick didn't make the list, feel free to add it to the talk back below.

#10 - Harry (IN BRUGES)

A complete and total psychopath (and also the head of a criminal organization), Harry is a major dick. While he does not stand for his subordinates defying his orders, he proceeds to insult his wife when he is pissed off in such a hilariously cruel way you will kind of feel bad for laughing.

#9 - Buzz (HOME ALONE)

If you have an older brother or if you are an older brother, chances are you can understand the relationship between Kevin McAllister and his dickhead sibling Buzz. He won't let his little bro sleep in his room, share his things, or play with his pet spider. Plus, he steals his pizza and fake pukes in his face. What a dick.

#8 - John Kreese (THE KARATE KID)

I could have easily gone with Johnny Lawrence for this spot, but he has a change of heart by the end of the film. Sensei Kreese of the Cobra Kai shows no mercy. Whether it be beating the ass of a teenager or trying to take out an old Okinawan man, Kreese is the epitome of a smarmy dick.

#7 - Bill Lumbergh (OFFICE SPACE)

If you have worked in an office, Bill Lumbergh holds a special place in your memory because almost every workspace has a guy like him. The shitty glasses, the monotone voice, and the lack of any care or empathy for his employees or coworkers. Lumbergh is a stereotype that unfortunately is real all too often. Gary Cole does a frighteningly good job of showing us how much of a dick this guy can be.

#6 - Percy Wetmore (THE GREEN MILE)

He is short, has slicked back hair, and a Napoleon complex. Yeah, Percy Wetmore is a dick of the highest order. He goes so far to prove himself worthy in a job his daddy helped get him that he is willing to torture a man being executed. When it goes wrong and the man dies a horrible death, vengeance comes back to Percy. But, even is a vegetable, this man is still a dick.

#5 - Mr Vernon (THE BREAKFAST CLUB)

The suits, the holier than thou attitude, the threat of physical violence, and my god the dancing. Everything about Mr Vernon evokes the worst teacher you had during your school years. Once he offers the "mess with the bull" comment, you know this man is a dick who will never be respected.

#4 - Malcolm Tucker (IN THE LOOP)

If you haven't seen the brilliant IN THE LOOP, stop reading this and go see it now. Filmed in a verite style like THE OFFICE, IN THE LOOP is a political satire from the man who would go on to create the HBO series VEEP. The biggest reason to see this movie is Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker, the foulest and most profane person you will ever see on screen. There are few actors who could swear as brilliantly as Capaldi does in this movie and yet you cannot wait to see every scene he appears in.

#3 - Chet (WEIRD SCIENCE)

Along the same lines as Buzz from HOME ALONE, here is another dick older brother from the warped mind of John Hughes. Chet thinks he is a tenured Army soldier who has every right to belittle and humiliate his younger brother Wyatt. But, the magical tits of Kelly LeBrock puts him in his place. Seriously, you will want to punch this dick in the dick.

#2 - Biff (BACK TO THE FUTURE)

In every era, The Tannen family is populated by dicks. Be it 1985, 1885, or in the future, Biff and his ancestors are complete and utter dicks who are somehow cosmically linked to torture the McFly clan. Whether they are messing up insults or getting manure dumped on them, Biff and the Tannens are villainous dicks you will beg to get what they have coming to them.

#1 - Walter Peck (GHOSTBUSTERS)

It may be the 30th anniversary of GHOSTBUSTERS, but that is not why Walter Peck gets the top spot here. Peck, as played by perennial dick actor William Atherton, single-handedly unleashes Hell on New York City simply because he has no dick. His need to disprove Peter Venkman and the Ghostbusters is done maliciously and....my god, this guy is just the biggest dick in movie history.

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

+0
4:16AM on 09/04/2014
So, when we say dicks, we mean people who aren't really villains so much as just assholes? Because there are so many villainous assholes out there. There a few I'd nominate. Like Freddy Kruger. Pure dick. Or Rooney from Ferris Bueller. He has made it his mission to get Bueller, so much so that he even breaks into their house to try and catch him. Or how about Stu from Scream? His reason for killing: none, he just wanted to do it. It doesn't get more dickish than being a murderer simply for the
So, when we say dicks, we mean people who aren't really villains so much as just assholes? Because there are so many villainous assholes out there. There a few I'd nominate. Like Freddy Kruger. Pure dick. Or Rooney from Ferris Bueller. He has made it his mission to get Bueller, so much so that he even breaks into their house to try and catch him. Or how about Stu from Scream? His reason for killing: none, he just wanted to do it. It doesn't get more dickish than being a murderer simply for the sake of murder. Goeth from Schindler's List is also a huge dick who commits too many horrific atrocities to name, but he's also an actual historic figure, so I don't know if that would count on this list.
Your Reply:



8:06AM on 08/31/2014
One of the most forgettable dick character in Hollywood movie history is the white kid who 'encouraged' Dre from the Karate/Kungfu Kid to hit on the Chinese girl, not giving any warning beforehand about the crazy kung fu athlete kid who thinks that he's her boyfriend. When a bro got kicked in the face, did he rush in to help? Oh noooo. He just stood there like a jerkoff, probably giggling off screen for getting the new kid in frickin' trouble and a full school semester of pain.
One of the most forgettable dick character in Hollywood movie history is the white kid who 'encouraged' Dre from the Karate/Kungfu Kid to hit on the Chinese girl, not giving any warning beforehand about the crazy kung fu athlete kid who thinks that he's her boyfriend. When a bro got kicked in the face, did he rush in to help? Oh noooo. He just stood there like a jerkoff, probably giggling off screen for getting the new kid in frickin' trouble and a full school semester of pain.
Your Reply:



+0
9:11PM on 08/30/2014
I think this is more classic than biggest...I would like to give an honorable mention for Kevin Spacey's character in Swimming with the Sharks. Shut up! Listen and learn!
it's a long clip, but here's a great scene: [link]
I think this is more classic than biggest...I would like to give an honorable mention for Kevin Spacey's character in Swimming with the Sharks. Shut up! Listen and learn!
it's a long clip, but here's a great scene: [link]
Your Reply:



12:42PM on 08/30/2014

Commodus

I would add Commodus from Gladiator. God, I hated him such that for years when I would see Joaquin Phoenix in any movie I wanted his character to die
I would add Commodus from Gladiator. God, I hated him such that for years when I would see Joaquin Phoenix in any movie I wanted his character to die
Your Reply:



11:35AM on 08/30/2014
The oldest movie you refer to is 30 years old, and you dare using the expression 'movie history' ? There's another 90 years worth of movies you don't seem to be awared of.
The oldest movie you refer to is 30 years old, and you dare using the expression 'movie history' ? There's another 90 years worth of movies you don't seem to be awared of.
Your Reply:



11:38AM on 08/31/2014
Please provide for us an example of a character who was a bigger dick than these guys from any movie older than 30 years.
Please provide for us an example of a character who was a bigger dick than these guys from any movie older than 30 years.
+0
9:41PM on 08/29/2014
I would have thought Ron Jeremy would be at the top of this list, but perhaps I'm misinterpreting things...
I would have thought Ron Jeremy would be at the top of this list, but perhaps I'm misinterpreting things...
Your Reply:



+2
5:14PM on 08/29/2014
Dick Jones from Robocop
Dick Jones from Robocop
Your Reply:



5:22PM on 08/29/2014
I work for him.
I work for him.
3:25PM on 08/29/2014
Great list, loved Capaldi. But where's the "SHOOOSH!" guy from Encino Man, or maybe the boyfriend from Teen Wolf? Brian Denehhey from First Blood? Stripe from Gremlins? And or course my favorite movie dick of them all, the guy on the Star Destroyer who orders that 3PO and R2's escape pod NOT be shot down in Episode IV. That one single action changed that story forever. Dick.
Great list, loved Capaldi. But where's the "SHOOOSH!" guy from Encino Man, or maybe the boyfriend from Teen Wolf? Brian Denehhey from First Blood? Stripe from Gremlins? And or course my favorite movie dick of them all, the guy on the Star Destroyer who orders that 3PO and R2's escape pod NOT be shot down in Episode IV. That one single action changed that story forever. Dick.
Your Reply:



+0
2:41PM on 08/29/2014
Cooper in Wedding Crashers. He's such a dick it kinda turns the movie bc you never see why she even liked him
Cooper in Wedding Crashers. He's such a dick it kinda turns the movie bc you never see why she even liked him
Your Reply:



+0
1:48PM on 08/29/2014
What about the entire O'Doyle clan from Billy Madison?
What about the entire O'Doyle clan from Billy Madison?
Your Reply:



1:26PM on 08/29/2014

Yes its true...

This man has no dick.
This man has no dick.
Your Reply:



10:46AM on 08/29/2014
I'd toss James Cromwell from Space Cowboys in there too. Hard to argue with Walter Peck for top spot though.
I'd toss James Cromwell from Space Cowboys in there too. Hard to argue with Walter Peck for top spot though.
Your Reply:



10:46AM on 08/29/2014
Capaldi has said that the Doctor wouldn't tolerate any of Malcolm Tucker's nonsense.
Capaldi has said that the Doctor wouldn't tolerate any of Malcolm Tucker's nonsense.
Your Reply:



10:05AM on 08/29/2014
Where's Nick the Dick from Bachelor Party?...oh right, never mind.
Where's Nick the Dick from Bachelor Party?...oh right, never mind.
Your Reply:



9:13AM on 08/29/2014

William Atherton is an inspired choice for #1

but you should have done a compilation of his all-time dick characters, from the dick reporter in the DIE HARD series to the dick university professor in REAL GENIUS.
but you should have done a compilation of his all-time dick characters, from the dick reporter in the DIE HARD series to the dick university professor in REAL GENIUS.
Your Reply:



3:22PM on 08/29/2014
Or Dr. Noah Faulkner. Poor Bud and Doyle were just tryin ta have a good time...
Or Dr. Noah Faulkner. Poor Bud and Doyle were just tryin ta have a good time...
1:13PM on 08/29/2014
And his dick co-worker in Die Hard.
And his dick co-worker in Die Hard.

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting

Movie Hottie Of The Week

More