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02.07.2008by: Jim Law

Top 10 Strangest Sequels Ever Made

For the most part when you go to see a sequel, good or bad, you know what you're getting into. Similar, if not the same characters either continuing a storyline or mirroring it with a twist. When it's done right all aspects should be improved upon (X2) and not wear out it's welcome and make you want to puke in your own lap (X3: THE LAST STAND). Sometimes though, you don't know what the f*ck is going on. All of the movies below had me shaking my head at one point or another, wondering if I missed a movie between. Characters disappear, genres make an abrupt change, and sometimes they just add an alien.

Honourable Mention: THE KARATE KID III (1989)

To be honest, there was really no where left to go with Danielson. After fighting for his honour in the original and then fighting for his life in the sequel, what does he fight for here? The planet? No, throw him in the exact same tournament as before and make it 10 times easier to win. It's as if even the filmmakers realized nobody wants to see Danny go through an entire third of the film fighting in matches we know he's going to win so they give him a bye into the finals. Imagine this happened in any other sport. The Giants wouldn't have another game until the next Super Bowl. Tiger Woods just plays the final hole of every tournament he wins the year prior. You get the point, and you realize how f*cking stupid it is. It doesn't help that Macchio is almost 30 playing a teenager and the whole thing feels like we're rushing before he starts turning gray.

10. EVIL DEAD 2 (1987)

've seen this movie almost too many times and my love for it will never fade but the beginning has always been confusing to those that have seen the original. Sam Raimi had lost the rights to the original years prior and decided to give us the short version of a recap to catch new viewers up to speed. Now, what troubles most, and me for that matter, is his decision to disregard the majority of what happened in the first film. He leaves out three major characters and adds new dimensions to the death of Linda that will help advance the plot of the sequel. By the time we catch up and ED2 starts rolling we forget about the editing and make good with the new story. All is forgiven but nobody should forget the brilliance of the original film.

9. MEATBALLS PART II (1984)

At one point this looked like it could have been the never ending franchise (kind of like AMERICAN PIE today). The plot was simple in that it had a summer camp full of losers beating the odds and lots of boobs. Everybody wins. So why does this one star an alien named Meathead? There's no logical explanation as to why anyone involved thought this would be a good idea. This isn't your Flintstones type Martian either, this thing is stupider than a sack of relish and looked like it was created by a retarded fifth grader.

8. STAYING ALIVE (1983)

Somehow, this is not where I pictured Tony Marino being after the events of SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER. As much shit as the original takes for being a little light in the loafers it's actually a pretty hardcore look at life on the streets in 70's Brooklyn (not that I'd have any f*cking clue about that). This movie, not so much. Sylvester Stallone directs Tony right into the ground here by turning him into a pussy whipped whiner with as much street-cred as an 8-year-old ventriloquist prodigy. It's pretty bad when a movie highlighting Bee Gees music and the overall disco craze is deemed unmatched in coolness by it's follow up.

7. FAY GRIM (2006)

Ten years after the events of HENRY'S FOOL, director, Hal Hartley, replaces the literary themes and real life drama surrounding the rise and fall of two likable characters with espionage and national security. It`s like having a James Bond movie follow up DEAD POETS SOCIETY with the exact same cast.

6. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 (1986)

Ever wonder what the Sawyer family did with their leftovers? Apparently they cook 'em up and enter them into a chili cook off. They also run around like a bunch of imbeciles and turn one of the most terrifying storylines in the history of film into a comedy of sorts. That said, I love this movie. Dennis Hopper couldn't be any crazier and while the leading lady (Caroline Williams) is possibly one of the most annoying human beings on Earth, I can't stop looking at her unusually sculpted legs.

5. THE EXORCIST III (1990)

I distinctly remember seeing the trailer for this and wondering how they were going to make Pazuzu into a serial killer. An hour in and I was still trying to understand how demon possession and the Gemini killer fit together. Where is Regan? Why is nobody's head spinning around? Why is George C. Scott always angry? Nothing puzzled me more, however, than the fact that the guy in the crazy room was being played by two completely different actors every other scene. It all makes sense now though and I've actually grown to like the film quite a bit. Let's face it, this thing could have been a black & white animated gay porno about possessed hamsters that spoke backwards with no sub-titles and still been better than THE EXORCIST II.

4. WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE (1994)

This movie doesn't get nearly as much credit as it deserves. After six ELM STREET movies where Freddy Krueger somehow lost his way, going from a child molesting murderer to a stand-up comedian, we finally get a fresh new look at a great story. Instead of sending Freddy to space, where his buddy Mr. Voorhees would eventually end up, Craven brought him to reality. Gone are the flashy kills and the cheesy one liners, replaced by the true horror of an actress (Heather Langenkamp) having to deal with the real nightmares of what she thought was a fictional monster.

3. LEONARD: PART 6 (1987)

Here's the strange part - there is no Part 1-5. There's a message at the beginning of the movie saying the government is holding those films for the safety of the world. Fuck off. The only threat to humanity is the wave of self mutilation after watching this piece of garbage. I personally swallowed a steak knife just to get my mind off the pain. Part 7 includes the end of Bill Cosby's movie career.

2. BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 (2000)

Much like NEW NIGHTMARE, this movie goes for the film about a film angle. The difference is that this one sucks assholes. Argue with me all you want about THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, it's still one of the most original horror films ever made. I find it ironic that this film includes a character trying to use the popularity of the original to make a buck. That's the only reason this thing even exists.

1. HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982)

Whoa. Seeing this back in 1982 was like having a Camero lay a smoky patch on your nuts while fire ants ate their way out of your brain. Imagine, if you will, Indiana Jones isn't in INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. That's how I felt watching this movie. No Laurie, no Michael, no point. As a stand alone movie it's not all that bad. Kids die, Stacey Nelkin is pretty hot, and Tom Atkins is always fun to watch. They should have come up with a different name though. MICHAEL MYERS ISN'T IN THIS MOVIE sounds about right.

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8:15AM on 08/15/2012

Highlander sequels

Any and all sequels of the original Highlander that flopped outta the water are unnatural aberrations that have no place on this Earth.
Any and all sequels of the original Highlander that flopped outta the water are unnatural aberrations that have no place on this Earth.
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7:07PM on 08/14/2012

WTF

"Danielson"? Sweet effing Christ.
"Danielson"? Sweet effing Christ.
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