Top 10 Things I'll Never Get for Christmas
Every year, late November, my wife starts asking me what I want for Christmas. Every year I make a list so ridiculous she starts considering divorce again. Last year I wrote down three things on a Post-it note and left it on her pillow. This is what it said: 1) A life size bust of Salma Hayek's bust for my desk. 2) A full size rubber Gamera costume to write my articles in (Also, you must periodically surprise attack me wearing a full size rubber Godzilla costume. We monster-fight for a minimum of ten mintues and I always win). And 3) GHOSTBUSTERS 3, before one of them dies. It was a well thought out list. I got socks. This year I decided to expand and turn it into a Ten Spot, killing two birds with a single, self-gratifying stone. So dear, if you`re reading this, consider yourself served. Get that ass to the fantasy mall in the sky and try stuffing some of these f*ckers under the tree.