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10.14.2016by: Alex Maidy

Top 10 Movie Jobs You Would Never Want To Have

We often look to the movies to see idealized worlds and lives that we will never live in our own reality. We dream of being superheroes, romantics, leaders, and pretty any much dream job we can think of. But, movies also show us the nightmare reality and banality of some jobs many of us may have. Some jobs also look a heck of a lot worse on the big screen than they do in the real world. Here is our ranking of the 10 careers that look like they really suck based on the movies they are featured in. If you think we missed a shitty job, let us know in the talk backs below.

#10 - President of the United States

You may think being the President would be a dream job, but there are more movies where it sucks to be POTUS than a blessing. From ARMAGEDDON to DEEP IMPACT, the Commander in Chief has to deal with the impending destruction of Earth. Well, same for MARS ATTACKS! and INDEPENDENCE DAY. Jeez, even in AIR FORCE ONE the President has to deal with terrorists attacking him and his family. It is not always fun when you have the burden of leading the free world on your shoulders.

#9 - Office Drone

From funny to scary, working in an office is never a good thing to do in the movies. From OFFICE SPACE slowly driving people crazy to FIGHT CLUB where being in a cubicle...slowly drives people crazy. Even in JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO, working the same job every day is a soul-sucking enterprise that ages you and kills you from the inside out.

#8 - Garbage Man

If you think Sid from TOY STORY growing up to be a sanitation worker is not enough of a cautionary tale, look at the lonely existence of WALL-E who just yearns to have some companionship on an entire world vacated by any other living beings except for a cockroach. In the cult classic MEN AT WORK, Emilio and Charlie have to deal with dead bodies and attempted murder. I hope garbage men get paid the big bucks to pick up our crap and deal with it too.

#7 - Corporate Downsizer

George Clooney may be a sex symbol, but he has played some downright depressing characters. In UP IN THE AIR, his job may come with perks of air travel and hotel rewards but he also has to tell average men and women that they are getting fired. The emotional weight of such a job is just too much to bear and the firing scenes in this movie are a gut punch each and every single time. You could not pay me enough to do this job.

#6 - Factory Worker

Like a garbage man, factory worker jobs are plentiful but not something usually feared. In THE MANGLER and THE MACHINIST, these giant machines can rip your limbs from your torso. in CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, robots steal these jobs. In GUNG HO, more efficient workers can take your career. In LES MISERABLES, working in a factory is riddled with gossip and shame and will eventually lead to prostitution. Yeah, factory works look awful on the big screen.

#5 - Anywhere Dante and Randall Work

"This job would be great if it weren't for the f*cking customers". Yeah, the customers may be crazy in Kevin Smith's CLERKS franchise, but would you want to be a normal person stopping in to purchase something from Dante or Randall? I do not see that being an ideal transaction. Even working with these guys would be torture unless you are of the same mindset as these two guys. I think I would enjoy it, at first, but it would eventually wear me down.

#4 - Restaurant Wait Staff

The movies have ruined restaurants for me. Because of WAITING and ROAD TRIP, I am deathly afraid of pissing off my waiter or busboy for fear that they are going to shit on my sandwich. Make no mistake: if you mistreat your server, you are probably getting spit in your food, or at the very least some Fromunda tea. Also, any restaurant that forces the server to wear any sort of flair is likely going to be an experience that will end badly for the customer.

#3 - Executive Assistant

HORRIBLES BOSSES embodied the rude and mean supervisors that many of us have had in our working lives but amped up a notch. Still, mean bosses are a standard stereotype but there have been some really evil bastards. Excluding supervillians and how they treat their henchen, there have been some cruel leaders out there ranging from THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA to the epitome of bad bosses in SWIMMING WITH SHARKS. Remind me to never apply for a job working for Kevin Spacey.

#2 - Amusement Park Worker

ADVENTURELAND makes the plight of the amusement park worker look like being a camp counselor or your average lame teen job, but there are still some experiences in that film that would give me caution to get a job at a carnival. Hell, Tod Browning's FREAKS is enough for me to never get a job with a carnival or circus. Even advanced parks like WESTWORLD and JURASSIC WORLD are places that seem like nothing could go wrong, but we all know everything will.

#1 - Construction Worker in the Marvel or DC Universe

We look at superheroes as our saviors and the protectors of mankind, but they do like to blow shit up good. While DC heroes got the short end of the stick when it comes to blowing stuff up, Marvel certainly has done their fair share of wrecking urban areas. Can you imagine being the crew that has to rebuild all of that stuff only to have it break again. If anyone works in construction or medical fields, they likely will find steady work in New York City since that is the place that gets destroyed more often than not.

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