Top 20 Pixar Heroes & Villains
If you've ever listened to the JoBlo Podcast you'd know that I am the definition of a Pixar Whore. It is, without a doubt in my perplexed little mind, the greatest studio to ever exist. With the release of UP this past weekend I thought there was no better time to unleash this epic sonamabitch. I was going to make it one of those "versus" lists that I've done before but, at one point, had an ant fighting a Doberman Pinscher. This is just straight up, the best good guys and the best bad guys, with quadruple the love. Go see UP. Now.
Does nothing but screw everything up and be cute for an hour and forty-five minutes. But when enough was enough, laid a beat-down on Randall and saved the day. Voiced by Mary Gibbs.
Never got a chance to fight in the movie but looked promising. He could have found a better place to pop up though instead of right in front of the world's greatest super heroes. Voiced by John Ratzenberger.
It took a lot for Dug to switch teams in the middle of the movie and he paid the price more than once. Still, no cone of shame could keep him from outsmarting all his buddies and..... SQUIRREL!! Voiced by Bob Peterson.
Dude is just doing his job. I guess he shouldn't take his orders from an asshole then.
My lone hero from BUG'S LIFE. I tried to fit in Heimlich and Francis but ran out of room. Blame Dug the dog. Voiced by Dave Foley.
Only evil because she's a little spaz that can't stop killing everything she touches. Not sure what that oral halo has to do with anything but I'm sure it's something dark and twisted. Voiced by LuLu Ebeling.
Had a lot to do with me changing my mind about punching boy scouts (or wilderness explorers, whatever). Not all deserve it. Has tons of heroic moments towards the end including my favourite moment of the movie, the old fat kid being smeared on the windshield joke. Gets me every time. Voiced by Jordan Nagai.
Prick of a food critic that kills Gusteau with a review but actually turns it around in the end and becomes the savoir of all the main characters. Kind of like Darth Vader, but French. Voiced by Peter O'Toole.
Probably one of the weakest super powers ever but definitely has some cool moments while fighting beside Mr. Parr and family. My son and I love when he shows up to help with the Omnibot and Bob yells "FROZONE!" He then goes on to get his ass whipped for the next five minutes. Voiced by Samuel L. Jackson.
Hard to take serious whenever his voice box is screwed up but still pretty scary. Lays some vicious beat-downs on Dug and almost takes off Kevin's entire leg while on the hunt. Pleasant puppy. Voiced by Bob Peterson.
This giant buck-toothed bastard doesn't have a ton to do in the film but the kids love him. I guess it's because he's stupid. With a heart the same size as his teeth he actually made me like Larry the Cable Guy for, like, ten minutes. Then I was done. Voiced by Larry the Cable Guy.
Sadistic evil little bitch with no remorse for eating a mother fish and 99% of her kids. I was 29 years old when this film came out and this scene still scared the shit out of me. Totally wasn't expecting it. Three of the kids sitting in front of me died after watching this. I'm fairly certain of this.
If cooking is heroic I guess I had to include him here. Holds his own in a long string of animated mice and probably makes a mean plate of wieners and beans. I highly suspect his secret ingredient to be mouse poop though. I'm just sayin'. Voiced by Patton Oswalt.
The only bad guy to get away from Mr. Incredible in the film (maybe ever). This earns him major points, as does his name. The fact that he shows up as a mime in RATATOUILLE does not. Voiced by Dominique Louis.
My wife's favourite Pixar character ever has more than her share of hilarious moments throughout the film. The fact that she doesn't remember any of them is even funnier, and a little sad. Voiced by Ellen DeGeneres.
Pint-sized chef who hates rats and thinks the answer to all his problems is a line of microwavable meals. It's those exact qualifications that got me my job hosting the JoBlo Movie Podcast. Weird. Voiced by Bilbo Baggins (Ian Holm).
The only animated MILF to make the list, Helen Parr has ass kicking toughness, a sexy voice, and the ability to give herself a boob job any time she wants. Imagine how easy childbirth must have been for her. Voiced by Holly Hunter.
Doesn't really know he's a villain but gets the title regardless. The chicken suit helps my decision, as does the fact that he has an original Stinky Pete action figure still in the box ("never been opened"). Nerd. Voiced by Wayne Knight.
Grumpy old man that turns on the old school skills when he's needed most. He can make my wife cry one minute and then have me pumping my fist in the air the next. Mind you, I was just cheering because my wife was crying. Voiced by Ed Asner.
FINDING NEMO has some scary individuals. That picture above is guilty of making sure I never go swimming at night, ever again. That light sure is pretty though.... I just want to touch it...... come here little light.
Sexy little robot that wants to help save Earth while bumping bumpers with a trash compactor. Sure, she's slumming it a bit but who doesn't want to bang the lead robot from SHORT CIRCUIT? Wait, what? Voiced by Elissa Knight.
Selfish box of shit that only cares about winning and the sponsorship that it entitles. He actually wins the big race at the end but the trophy ceremony is more like a giant kick to the driveshaft as he gets booed of the stage. Voiced by Michael Keaton.
I wanted to put them all separate, because they deserve that kind of love, but decided to make it a package deal. Hamm, Slinky, Rex, and Potato Head all have their special moments of awesomeness throughout this series and will surely continue the trend come next Summer. Count on it. Voiced by John Ratzenberger, Jim Varney, Wallace Shawn, and Don Rickles.
Henry J. Waternoose seems to be a stand-up monster for the majority of the film but turns to the dark side when his plans for Boo come to light and he banishes Sully and Mike to live with hairy John Ratzenberger. This is a punishment I had to deal with after getting caught pantless in church. Not fun. Voiced by James Coburn.
Both are equally important to the survival of the super-human race but it's Dash that provides, probably, my favorite Pixar moment ever when he discovers his ability to run on water and let's out a little giggle before tearing ass through the lake. Voiced by Spencer Fox and Sarah Vowell.
Some might consider him a friend, but after seeing how quickly he turns with the smell of blood, I'd keep this big bastard as far away as possible. Fish are friends, my ass. Voiced by Barry Humphries.
A good dude to have on your side in a bar brawl, I would think. Although, I don't think too many guys are gong to mess with you while hanging out with a seven foot purple and green monster that drinks moonshine. He drinks moonshine, I checked. Voiced by John Goodman.
This crazy old fart might be as smart as hell and seem cozy at first but don't let him catch you stealing his bird. I wonder if he has any relation to Nelson from 'The Simpsons". Voiced by Christopher Plummer.
Best dad ever? Would your dad fight sharks, jellyfish, an anglerfish, and a barracuda for you? Would your dad blindly jump on the back of a stoned turtle in hopes of finding you? My dad would make a few calls and then get back to the hockey game. Voiced by Albert Brooks.
Blew Buzz's upper torso off in the video game and then almost finished him off in person before Rex's giant tail defeated him. I hope he (or another version of him) makes it into the third movie. There was a lot of potential there for some epic toy battles. Voiced by Andrew Stanton.
Showed some class at the end of the film but is still too shiny and happy for me. It blows my mind that this film is getting a sequel but MONSTERS, INC and THE INCREDIBLES get passed over. Voiced by Owen Wilson.
Can you blame something that is just following it's directive without the ability to consider the alternatives? I can, you bitter little bitch. Mix in an emotion program there, poopy pants. Voiced by MacInTalk.
It's amazing how much more important Mike is than Sully in this film. He ends up saving everybody's ass more than once out of situations he tried to avoid in the first place by being the more rational monster. Not to mention how he turns out to be the franchise player in the end and puts together Boo's door by scrounging up a zillion little pieces of wood. That's why he got the girl in the end. The legal one. Voiced by Billy Crystal.
There's a blooper involving Pete on the DVD that has him farting in his box. My son has never laughed harder in his life. I love this evil little prospector for that. And he made the pickaxe a popular choice for bad guys before Harry Warden did. Voiced by Kelsey Grammer.
Probably the most lovable Pixar character ever, this rusty box of fun deserved to roll his ass out on stage and pick up a Best Picture Oscar. Then he could throw it in his belly, compact the shit out of it, and whip it at the academy while doing donuts in the audience. I'm getting tired. Voiced by Ben Burtt.
In my opinion, the best looking character Pixar has ever created (as I use an artist's rendering. I'm an a-hole). Their first character to actually kill other characters too. This is one disturbed bug and the reason I kick grasshoppers in the face now. It's hard to line them up but totally worth it. Voiced by Kevin Spacey.
A fantastic toy to have around when all your other toys are in trouble. Why do you have so many toys? Buzz can do it all (except fly, shoot lasers, contact others throughout the galaxy, and anything else involving super powers. He is just a toy after all). Voiced by Tim Allen.
Another human that doesn't really know he's the villain. He's just being your everyday asshole brat by blowing up action figures and dismembering everything his parents worked so hard to buy him. I'm pretty sure he's in the nut-house by now after seeing all his victims come to life. Good for him. Voiced by Erik von Detten.
Even when he's not allowed to be a super hero, he is, and the severely mismatched body shape doesn't slow him down a second. Seriously, how do those shins hold together while power lifting trains? Those are some good genes. Voiced by Craig T. Nelson.
An excellent choice when looking to hire a monster to scare the bejebus out of little kids. He's also good at double crossing, conniving, kidnapping, sabotage, and turning all sorts of pretty colors. Voiced by Steve Buscemi.
Slaps some common sense into Buzz and saves his ass in the first movie. Rescues Wheezy, Jessie, and Bullseye in the second movie. Figures out he's a pop culture icon and keeps his head about it, finds Buzz a girlfriend, and seems to be tapping Bo Peep on the side. Woody is a pimp. Voiced by Tom Hanks.
Has the best evil plan to take over the world. Might be the smartest and richest bad-guy on the list. Great costume, better hair, hot assistant, wiped out dozens of Supers before he met his match, and is voiced by Jason Lee. If you're keeping track though, he did get beat up by a baby resulting in his (presumed) death. Was I just monolouging?