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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...David Spade!

05.05.2014

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Grown Ups 2, Jack & Jill, Grown Ups, The Benchwarmers, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Joe Dirt, Lost & Found, Senseless, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the past few weeks the prosecution has noticed a couple of you have wanted David Spade to stand trial. To be honest, we weren't sure if the actor was still relevant enough to be considered for Movie Jail. But with Mr. Spade recently talking about still wanting to make Joe Dirt 2, the prosecution has decided he should be thrown in prison, if only to prevent the sequel from happening.

Mr. Spade has appeared in a few decent projects, but for the past decade the actor has pretty much only starred or have had cameos in films involving his SNL co-star Adam Sandler. Maybe if someone could pry Mr. Spade's lips from Mr. Sandler's tit and his Happy Madison Productions, his filmography wouldn't look so terrible. However, even his movies not produced by Happy Madison (Lost & Found, Senseless, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag) have been awful.

But let's go back to Mr. Spade's Happy Madison films, because those really are the only movie projects he has worked on as of late. Why does it seem like Mr. Spade can only find work when Mr. Sandler is making a new movie? Jesus dude, you could at least see if Capital One will hire you back to do commercials again. It's a little sad those commercials were funnier than his roles in The Benchwarmers and the Grown Ups movies.

Also, the prosecution knows Joe Dirt has its fans, but I never understood the love for the movie. Ok, so Christopher Walken is great in it, but when isn't he awesome? Maybe it's better than Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, but it's certainly not a classic, or as good as his older films with the late Chris Farley.

Mr. Spade has done some work in television as well, but the prosecution never cared for Rules of Engagement, and The Showbiz Show with David Spade was like watching an unfunny version of his "Hollywood Minute" segments from SNL.

If Mr. Spade wants to keep hanging out with Adam Sandler he can do it in Movie Jail, where he belongs.

The Defense: Hotel Transylvania, Racing Stripes, Joe Dirt, The Emperor's New Groove, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, PCU, Coneheads

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense knows it's going to be hard to convince most of you Mr. Spade shouldn't go to Movie Jail. Some have probably never liked the actor, or are just sick of seeing him in Adam Sandler projects. The defense isn't a huge fan of his recent movies either, however I still think he can be very funny, and he's done some excellent work voicing animated characters.

Racing Stripes isn't a great or even good film, but my client did a solid job as the voice of Scuzz. He was also very good as Griffin the Invisible Man in Hotel Transylvania, and as Emperor Kuzco in The Emperor's New Groove, even if Patrick Warburton's Kronk stole the show in that film. My point is Mr. Spade has done very well with animated films, and the defense would love to see him do more voice work.

The prosecution mentions Rules of Engagement, which isn't an impressive show, however it might explain why my client hasn't appeared in that many films these past few years. The series just finished airing last year, so maybe now Mr. Spade has the time to work on other projects. Speaking of TV shows, is the defense the only one who remembers how fantastic he was on Just Shoot Me?

The defense also doesn't think Tommy Boy and Black Sheep would have worked nearly as well without my client. Everyone loves Chris Farley in those films, but people forget Mr. Spade was pretty damn funny in them as well. The prosecution might not think Joe Dirt is that great, however the defense thought it was hilarious. Very dumb maybe, but still very funny, and not just because of Christopher Walken. If Mr. Spade wants to make a sequel, the defense would definitively be interested in checking it out, and I know I'm not the only one.

IN CLOSING...

What should we do with the tiny comedic actor? Throw Mr. Spade in prison with his pal Adam Sandler, or let him walk? Do you think he deserves Movie Jail, or should we wait and see what he's going to do now that his television series has been canceled? Is David Spade GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

Steve Martin and his banjo aren't going anywhere: the jury has found Mr. Martin NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial. Most jury members admitted they haven't enjoyed many of the actor's recent films, however most also said he's done too much good to be tossed in Movie Jail, and chastised the prosecution for not liking The Lonely Guy.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special)

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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9:23AM on 05/06/2014

Guilty

While I will always love Joe Dirt, I never actually liked any of the films he did with Farley (nor any of his work for that matter). I know people are saying look at his TV work, but this is Movie Jail and he is most certainly guilty.
While I will always love Joe Dirt, I never actually liked any of the films he did with Farley (nor any of his work for that matter). I know people are saying look at his TV work, but this is Movie Jail and he is most certainly guilty.
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7:52AM on 05/06/2014

Guilty

I don't even think his 'good' movies are that great.
I don't even think his 'good' movies are that great.
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1:21AM on 05/06/2014

Guilty

I forgot he was still alive. Oh well...
I forgot he was still alive. Oh well...
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+0
8:39PM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Lock him up and throw away the key.
Lock him up and throw away the key.
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+0
8:35PM on 05/05/2014
Guilty on all charges.
Guilty on all charges.
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7:19PM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

I echo the comments below, he was good with Farley but that was mostly Farley.
I echo the comments below, he was good with Farley but that was mostly Farley.
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7:10PM on 05/05/2014

not guilty

i call heather locklear as a witness
i call heather locklear as a witness
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3:25PM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Since Day 1. Being in a few halfway decent movies such as Joe Dirt doesnt save horrible acting.
Since Day 1. Being in a few halfway decent movies such as Joe Dirt doesnt save horrible acting.
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2:33PM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

I would have more to add to the argument I think everybody else has hit the nail on the head with Spade. His career is one giant shit-sandwich.
I would have more to add to the argument I think everybody else has hit the nail on the head with Spade. His career is one giant shit-sandwich.
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2:32PM on 05/05/2014
so is the prosecution going for an easy victory because of its weak guilty record?
so is the prosecution going for an easy victory because of its weak guilty record?
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1:36PM on 05/05/2014

Guilty!!

He can't hold a movie on his own........
He can't hold a movie on his own........
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1:15PM on 05/05/2014
GUILTY. He should stick with television. He has a decent track record with it.
GUILTY. He should stick with television. He has a decent track record with it.
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+0
11:54AM on 05/05/2014

Comedians need to know what they're good at.

Spade became famous for being the serious guy against the wacky one (Chris Farley). He's been trying to make it on his own proving that he can play the wacky one but he can't. This became more obvious in 8 SIMPLE RULES. When RULES OF ENGAGEMENT started, he played a cool guy who could get any girl he wanted to (yeah right!) so his performance was more low-key. But his assistant TIMMY joined the cast and he played a similar kind of character Spade played in the Farley movies. It was a weird
Spade became famous for being the serious guy against the wacky one (Chris Farley). He's been trying to make it on his own proving that he can play the wacky one but he can't. This became more obvious in 8 SIMPLE RULES. When RULES OF ENGAGEMENT started, he played a cool guy who could get any girl he wanted to (yeah right!) so his performance was more low-key. But his assistant TIMMY joined the cast and he played a similar kind of character Spade played in the Farley movies. It was a weird contrast, but it showed that Spade wasn't funny*. He's Guilty.

Don't get me wrong. EMPEROR is one of my favorite animated movies ever. Thankfully, the horrible KRONK spin-off didn't ruin that. And he was likeable enough in DICKIE ROBERTS and showed some dramatic skills in JOE DIRT which is why I found them both passable, but he wasn't funny in them. And while I don't put ALL the blame on him for BENCHWARMERS and GROWN UPS 1 & 2, he IS to blame nonetheless.

*That being said, Patrick Warburton was the worst cast member.
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11:12AM on 05/05/2014

Oy Vey!

Even though Mr. Spade's "Lost & Found" introduced me to the strikingly beautiful and divine Sophie Marceau, he has rode his fame like a tired nag, until it is completely and utterly ground into the dirt.

GUILTY!
Even though Mr. Spade's "Lost & Found" introduced me to the strikingly beautiful and divine Sophie Marceau, he has rode his fame like a tired nag, until it is completely and utterly ground into the dirt.

GUILTY!
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11:05AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Great chemistry with Farley, but that's only because Chris made other actors funnier just being around him. I've actually never understood Spades huge popularity too. He's fine and all, but I don't think I've enjoyed him in anything else other than Tommy Boy.
Great chemistry with Farley, but that's only because Chris made other actors funnier just being around him. I've actually never understood Spades huge popularity too. He's fine and all, but I don't think I've enjoyed him in anything else other than Tommy Boy.
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10:52AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

He was good on "Just Shoot Me", and he worked well off of Chris Farley. But, when left to his own devices, he constantly seems like he's trying too hard, and that's a bad sign.

He's guilty, but I think a short sentence might help him more than a long one.
He was good on "Just Shoot Me", and he worked well off of Chris Farley. But, when left to his own devices, he constantly seems like he's trying too hard, and that's a bad sign.

He's guilty, but I think a short sentence might help him more than a long one.
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10:51AM on 05/05/2014

Case Dismissed on Technicality

While it is true that he deserves movie jail, he has had very good success on television with several long running hit shows. It is rare to have a hit TV show, and he has had at least three that I can think of in addition to SNL.
While it is true that he deserves movie jail, he has had very good success on television with several long running hit shows. It is rare to have a hit TV show, and he has had at least three that I can think of in addition to SNL.
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10:34AM on 05/05/2014

Not Guilty

I like David Spade, but I think he should give up movies. Although, I definitely think Spade needs a good talk show. I'd love to see him get a show like Tosh.0 where he can make fun of celebrities. He used to have a show called 'The Showbiz Show', and it was really funny. I'd like to see him get another show like that.
I like David Spade, but I think he should give up movies. Although, I definitely think Spade needs a good talk show. I'd love to see him get a show like Tosh.0 where he can make fun of celebrities. He used to have a show called 'The Showbiz Show', and it was really funny. I'd like to see him get another show like that.
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10:28AM on 05/05/2014

100% Guilty

I can't stand David Spade. Even in the early days of his career whenever he was on Saturday Night Live and his early films like Tommy Boy and Black Sheep I didn't find him even remotely funny. Quite the contrary. He consistently comes across as an obnoxious, pompous little shit of a man. Since I have never met him in real life, I'm not going to down talk him as a human being, despite what I have heard. His one-dimensional characters, all of whom are essentially the same, are absolutely
I can't stand David Spade. Even in the early days of his career whenever he was on Saturday Night Live and his early films like Tommy Boy and Black Sheep I didn't find him even remotely funny. Quite the contrary. He consistently comes across as an obnoxious, pompous little shit of a man. Since I have never met him in real life, I'm not going to down talk him as a human being, despite what I have heard. His one-dimensional characters, all of whom are essentially the same, are absolutely detestable however.
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10:28AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Stopped being funny or irrelevant with Chris Farley's unfortunate passing.
Stopped being funny or irrelevant with Chris Farley's unfortunate passing.
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3:45PM on 05/05/2014
"Stopped being funny..."...when did he start being funny?
"Stopped being funny..."...when did he start being funny?
+1
10:23AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

I love Spade but wow does he have an atrocious track record. Poor guy.
I love Spade but wow does he have an atrocious track record. Poor guy.
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10:22AM on 05/05/2014

Wow...

...am I the only one who thinks he's not guilty? It's not like he's chasing Oscars, he knows his genre. I've always liked the guy. Also, Lost and Found was pretty funny.
...am I the only one who thinks he's not guilty? It's not like he's chasing Oscars, he knows his genre. I've always liked the guy. Also, Lost and Found was pretty funny.
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10:17AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty as Hell

I've never liked him, and most people I've talked to who have worked with him say he's just as much of a prick off screen as he is onscreen.

I'm starting to think this column should be put out to pasture. We're scraping the bottom of the movie barrel here, and I'm kinda sick of the "Not Guilty, she's hawt!" or "Not guilty: he gets a lifetime pass for [link]" If someone's done a classic role, that means they need to be judged more harshly if all they're doing is crap these days. ">
I've never liked him, and most people I've talked to who have worked with him say he's just as much of a prick off screen as he is onscreen.

I'm starting to think this column should be put out to pasture. We're scraping the bottom of the movie barrel here, and I'm kinda sick of the "Not Guilty, she's hawt!" or "Not guilty: he gets a lifetime pass for [link]" If someone's done a classic role, that means they need to be judged more harshly if all they're doing is crap these days.
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10:21AM on 05/05/2014
I share your sentiments. I get tired of people judging the merits of an actor or actress based upon their physical looks. Just as annoying though, as you stated, giving someone a lifetime pass doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean I look at somebody like Al Pacino for example... Yes he has been in some of the most iconic films, played legendary characters and given astonishing performances, which again like you said, is even more of a reason to be harsh on him. I mean how do you go from all of
I share your sentiments. I get tired of people judging the merits of an actor or actress based upon their physical looks. Just as annoying though, as you stated, giving someone a lifetime pass doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean I look at somebody like Al Pacino for example... Yes he has been in some of the most iconic films, played legendary characters and given astonishing performances, which again like you said, is even more of a reason to be harsh on him. I mean how do you go from all of those incredible films to 99% shit nowadays?
10:37AM on 05/05/2014
I agree. The most baffling to me is giving people a pass on their looks. So, so stupid.
I agree. The most baffling to me is giving people a pass on their looks. So, so stupid.
1:15PM on 05/05/2014
Vienna_Rage: I was actually thinking of John Travolta: the man's been Razzie bait for many years and, for every PULP FICTION or GREASE on his resume, he has two LOOK WHO'S TALKING movies and STAYING ALIVE (which pissed all over Tony Manero). But Al Pacino is a great example, and so is De Niro.

Most actors have to take whatever they're given, but certain actors get the chance to pick and choose the roles they take due to their success. For them to abuse that privilege is totally criminal.
Vienna_Rage: I was actually thinking of John Travolta: the man's been Razzie bait for many years and, for every PULP FICTION or GREASE on his resume, he has two LOOK WHO'S TALKING movies and STAYING ALIVE (which pissed all over Tony Manero). But Al Pacino is a great example, and so is De Niro.

Most actors have to take whatever they're given, but certain actors get the chance to pick and choose the roles they take due to their success. For them to abuse that privilege is totally criminal.
9:57AM on 05/05/2014
Guilty.....getting work from being mates with adam sandler
Guilty.....getting work from being mates with adam sandler
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+1
9:56AM on 05/05/2014

GUILTY

Lock him up. He shouldn't be allowed on a film set ever again. Not a funny actor.
Lock him up. He shouldn't be allowed on a film set ever again. Not a funny actor.
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3:44PM on 05/05/2014
Agreed!
Agreed!
8:51AM on 05/05/2014

Ehhhh

He's guilty....I don't find him funny, and he appears to have the personality of a cheap 70's used car salesman.
He's guilty....I don't find him funny, and he appears to have the personality of a cheap 70's used car salesman.
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8:47AM on 05/05/2014
Looks like we're tapping the well with this feature, which was bound to happen eventually. I dont know that I would consider Spade an actor of movies, really.
Looks like we're tapping the well with this feature, which was bound to happen eventually. I dont know that I would consider Spade an actor of movies, really.
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8:38AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Easiest guilty verdict ever. Should share a cell with Sandler & be sentenced to watch Grown Ups over & over again.
Easiest guilty verdict ever. Should share a cell with Sandler & be sentenced to watch Grown Ups over & over again.
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8:33AM on 05/05/2014
He made an okay straight man against Farley, but I don't think he's particularly funny. Guilty.
He made an okay straight man against Farley, but I don't think he's particularly funny. Guilty.
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8:29AM on 05/05/2014
Forget jail, straight to execution.
Forget jail, straight to execution.
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3:45PM on 05/05/2014
Woooo!!!!
Woooo!!!!
8:17AM on 05/05/2014
David Spade's SNL era was alright and his movies with SNL greats like Chris Farely were great...but after that, his movies are awful...he doesnt have much range, etc...Guilty!
David Spade's SNL era was alright and his movies with SNL greats like Chris Farely were great...but after that, his movies are awful...he doesnt have much range, etc...Guilty!
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8:14AM on 05/05/2014

There's a defense?

Guilty!! Lmao as if this is even a decision.
Guilty!! Lmao as if this is even a decision.
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8:04AM on 05/05/2014
Effin' Guilty. He hasn't done anything good since Joe Dirt.
Effin' Guilty. He hasn't done anything good since Joe Dirt.
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7:49AM on 05/05/2014

For reals?

GUILTY all the way, this dude has never been funny, his high point was opposite Chris Farley and then he was just smary straight dude anyhow.
GUILTY all the way, this dude has never been funny, his high point was opposite Chris Farley and then he was just smary straight dude anyhow.
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7:36AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty.

This guy has never been funny, I've never understood his popularity at all. I didn't mind him alongside Chris Farley but that's just because Chris was so fucking hilarious.
This guy has never been funny, I've never understood his popularity at all. I didn't mind him alongside Chris Farley but that's just because Chris was so fucking hilarious.
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7:28AM on 05/05/2014

Guilty

Guilty, of course. He's been in one or two decent movies, but overall his work is terrible.
Guilty, of course. He's been in one or two decent movies, but overall his work is terrible.
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6:52AM on 05/05/2014
Guilty, along with all the other pals Adam Sandler has tried to push on the moviegoing public.
Guilty, along with all the other pals Adam Sandler has tried to push on the moviegoing public.
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