Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Happy Madison Productions!
This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Prosecution: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo, Little Nicky, The Animal, Joe Dirt, Mr. Deeds, Master of Disguise, The Hot Chick, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, 50 First Dates, The Longest Yard, The Benchwarmers, Strange Wilderness, I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, The House Bunny, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, That's My Boy, Grown Ups 1 & 2
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you might think this is a case of Double Jeopardy since Adam Sandler was tossed into Movie Jail last year, but as Harvey Dent explained in The Dark Knight if you can charge one conspirator with a felony you can can charge the rest with the same offense. And Happy Madison Productions is definitely the "one big pot" that Lau speaks of. A big pot of shit.
The prosecution wishes to point out that we aren't bringing charges against Happy Madison or pilling on Adam Sandler because it's the "cool" or trendy thing to do. No, we are just sick of him and his company. At this point there are only two types of films worse than a film from Happy Madison: Tyler Perry movies or anything from those Epic Movie/Date Movie/Meet the Spartans assholes, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The prosecution is convinced that when the apocalypse happens it will be when Sandler, Perry, Friedberg and Seltzer all come together to make one film. It'll probably make a billion dollars but it will bring about the end of the world, mark my words.
Does even a single year go by without a film from Happy Madison being nominated for a Razzie? They're like the Miramax of Golden Raspberry Awards. Happy Madison was formed in 1999 and since then for every one film that might be slightly tolerable (see defense's list) there's a half dozen that are so lacking in intelligence and original humor that you might as well eat paint chips since it'll probably do less brain damage than if you watched these movies.
Happy Madison's biggest offense though? They keep giving Nick Swardson work. The prosecution can't think of another comedian that's more grating, irritating and unfunny, yet Mr. Swardson seems to always be able to find work with Happy Madison. That includes what is possibly one of the worst movies of all time, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. That movie is so bad it makes Joe Dirt look like Taxi Driver. Yet it still didn't win a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Picture because it lost to...Jack and Jill.
I say enough is enough. If you don't want this world to end up like it does in Idiocracy, you'll do the right thing and declare Happy Madison Productions guilty of these terrible crimes against cinema.
The Defense: Anger Management, Grandma's Boy, Reign Over Me, Bedtime Stories, Funny People
Ladies and gentlemen, the list for the defense may be short, but we're not here to argue about the quality of Happy Madison's films. However, we have to realize that there is an audience for these movies. The prosecution goes on about how unintelligent these films are, but is it really just dumb people that watch them? Of course not.
There are people that say they love films and then there are the people that really love films. If you're reading this right now and you go to JoBlo.com every day, you're probably in the later group. We have to remember that there are plenty of people out there that won't be interested in a film just because it's by a certain director (*cough* Pacific Rim *cough*), and maybe some of them just don't care about comic book movies. Some may not feel the same passion for film as we do, the same appreciation for the art of cinema. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As a film geek, can you relate to someone that is really into NASCAR? Would you want to be crapped on by those fans for not enjoying a certain driver? I doubt it.
Some people just want a simple film that makes them laugh. So while many may tear apart Grown Ups 2, Here Comes the Boom, or Just Go with It, these films were never meant for critics or film geeks. They're for people that just want to come home from work and escape for a bit without having to think. If you want to judge Happy Madison, you'll be judging those people too. Some of you may be fine with that, but I'm not. I'm sure one of you has a Mom that liked Just Go With It, and maybe your Dad really enjoys The Longest Yard. Does this make them bad people? And isn't Happy Madison just giving them exactly what they want? The defense rests.
So what is to be done with Happy Madison Productions? Are they a lazy company, or are they just catering to a certain market? Is it time to send the entire company to Movie Jail? Is Happy Madison Productions GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
Can we at least agree Nick Swardson needs to be kicked in the taint?
COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
After looking over the evidence and arguments from last week, the jury has decided that Johnny Depp is NOT GUILTY of all charges. That doesn't mean Mr. Depp is free and clear to make another film with Tim Burton. The jury found the Mr. Depp not guilty, but they said we should still keep a close eye on the actor. Hopefully he avoids Alice in Wonderland 2 and focuses on more things like Transcendence.
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp
|Extra Tidbit:||What actor, actress, writer or director would you like to see go on trial next week? Share your suggestions below with your verdict!|