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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Jennifer Lopez!

07.22.2013

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

Jennifer Lopez 1

The Case

The Prosecution: Jack, U Turn, The Wedding Planner, Maid in Manhattan, Gigli, Monster-in-Law, Bordertown, El Cantante, The Back-up Plan, What to Expect When You're Expecting, ALL of her music

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution was looking over the list of previous defendants and was quite surprised to see that Jennifer Lynn Lopez had not stood trial yet. Ms. Lopez has appeared in some decent films and her performances in several of them have actually been very good, but if we take a look at her work as a whole (especially her most recent movies) it is obvious that Ms. Lopez is extremely guilty.

Ms. Lopez was in some stinkers early in her career, but there was a variety to the films she appeared in and it was clear in some movies like Selena and Out of Sight that Ms. Lopez had some talent. But it started to go downhill for the actress starting in 2001 with The Wedding Planner. From that point on, her filmography becomes a list of bad decisions and lazy roles. She went on to star in 2002's Maid in Manhattan, which lacks any charm whatsoever and Ralph Fiennes probably has a panic attack whenever anyone reminds him he was in the film.

Then came the massive bomb Gigli. Does the prosecution really need to say anything else about that film? Probably not, but just a reminder it did win nine Razzies and is frequently near the top of most "Worst Movies of All Time" list. But as terrible as Gigli is, her films after that mess of a movie are just as bad: Monster-in Law, The Back-up Plan and What to Expect When You're Expecting. Yikes. Some may argue that Gigli is a career killer and Ms. Lopez should just be happy she can still find roles, but Ben Affleck has rebounded very nicely and he received as much shit as she did (maybe even more) for appearing in the film. What has Ms. Lopez done?

But one movie really stands out to the prosecution as proof that it is time to send Ms. Lopez to Movie Jail: El Cantante. What in the hell is El Cantante you ask? It is a 2007 film about the late salsa singer Héctor Lavoe (played by her then husband Marc Anthony) and Ms. Lopez starred in it as Lavoe's wife. Obviously comparisons can be made between El Cantante and Selena, but El Cantante (besides being just plain bad) is lazy and bland. You would think that a project like this would really push Ms. Lopez to bring her A game, but her performance is flat and uninspired. Does she even care about acting anymore, or does she just see these roles as ninety minute commercials for the "Lopez" brand?

Combined with her allegedly toxic personality, diva attitude and music so awful babies try to swallow their own tongues, the prosecution feels Ms. Lopez needs to spend a significant amount of time in Movie Jail.

Jennifer Lopez 2

The Defense: Blood and Wine, Selena, Anaconda, Out of Sight, The Cell, Angel Eyes, Enough, Shall We Dance?, An Unfinished Life, Parker, Dat ass

Ladies and gentlemen, my client has appeared in some truly terrible films but I argue that she is delivering on what people expect from her. Her highest grossing films have been romantic comedies so it's not surprising that Ms. Lopez has stuck with what works. Unfortunately, many casual movie goers straight up reject her movies that don't involve her "living happily ever after" with a love interest. This is true especially after The Wedding Planner, but even Out of Sight and The Cell weren't huge hits. Most recently she was in Parker, yet once again mainstream audiences weren't interested in her in that type of role.

Ms. Lopez also has more talent than she gets credit for. She pretty much carried films like Enough and Angel Eyes completely on her own and while they may not be fantastic films they both benefit from having Ms. Lopez's presence. Her performance in both is almost the only reason to check out either film. Another film that didn't receive almost any attention from movie goers was An Unfinished Life. Once again, not the best movie in the world but Ms. Lopez's performance was solid.

The prosecution says Ms. Lopez is just trying to expand her brand by appearing in these films, but my client has always been about more than just films anyway. From music to perfume and clothing, Ms. Lopez has had success outside of movies, so maybe it just isn't that important to her if she receives Oscar nominations or love from fanboys. She might be more of a businesswoman than an actress, but that doesn't mean she lacks talent. Ms. Lopez just knows how to work the system.

Jennifer Lopez 3

IN CLOSING...

What is to be done with Jennifer Lopez? Should "Jenny from the Block" go to the C-block in Movie Jail? Is she a diva that needs a wake-up call or is Ms. Lopez a working woman who does so much more than just act? Is Jennifer Lopez GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

Jennifer Lopez 4

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

Happy Madison

The jury looked over the evidence from last week and collectively said, "F*ck you Happy Madison Productions!" by sending the entire company to Movie Jail. Some quotes from the jury: "I think most of us can agree that Happy Madison Productions is a rancid stain on the fabric of our collective existence," "Burn the companies building down and spread the ashes in space," and (possibly my favorite) "Like a Casey Anthony, OJ Simpson, George Zimmerman, One-Armed Man level of GUILTY!"  Nice work guys!

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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6:49PM on 07/23/2013

Brief Jail Time

Jennifer Lopez is guilty....I feel like she hasnt found her niche in movies yet...Her movies in the DEFENSE section are clearly her best, but her "bad" movies seem to over shadow her a little bit. I think she needs to find a movie that makes her rise again....I really think she should do " Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego?"
Jennifer Lopez is guilty....I feel like she hasnt found her niche in movies yet...Her movies in the DEFENSE section are clearly her best, but her "bad" movies seem to over shadow her a little bit. I think she needs to find a movie that makes her rise again....I really think she should do " Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego?"
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7:49AM on 07/23/2013

Not guilty

As long as she stays away from rom coms.
As long as she stays away from rom coms.
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6:35AM on 07/23/2013

NOT GUILTY...

As an actress i have never hated any of her performances that i have seen. loved her in u-turn, the cell, out of sight & angle eyes. she may of made a few poor choices of what film to star in but you cant get it right every time. but i do really think she is really likable on screen from the films that i have seen.
As an actress i have never hated any of her performances that i have seen. loved her in u-turn, the cell, out of sight & angle eyes. she may of made a few poor choices of what film to star in but you cant get it right every time. but i do really think she is really likable on screen from the films that i have seen.
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8:25PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty but still redeemable

We all want to see what dat ass can handle. I say its time she did what many actresses do to make their careers flourish again, playboy or sex tape.
We all want to see what dat ass can handle. I say its time she did what many actresses do to make their careers flourish again, playboy or sex tape.
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7:57PM on 07/22/2013

No

Not guilty.
Not guilty.
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7:30PM on 07/22/2013

Movie Gitmo

Send her there and waterboard her for her crimes against innocent movie attendees. Guilty by Court Marshal.
Send her there and waterboard her for her crimes against innocent movie attendees. Guilty by Court Marshal.
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7:23PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

I've never seen her in a role I like. Maybe Anaconda, but I was rooting for the snake to eat her so I don't think that counts.
I've never seen her in a role I like. Maybe Anaconda, but I was rooting for the snake to eat her so I don't think that counts.
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7:21PM on 07/22/2013

Sustain...

my basic instincts towards her physical self will not allow me to pass a fair judgement.

Next defendant... Bruce Willis (he is 0/3 for sequels this year alone)
my basic instincts towards her physical self will not allow me to pass a fair judgement.

Next defendant... Bruce Willis (he is 0/3 for sequels this year alone)
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9:48PM on 07/22/2013
I second Willis.
I second Willis.
+2
7:05PM on 07/22/2013
GUILTY!
GUILTY!
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+0
5:22PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

I cant stand this bitch, never could.
I cant stand this bitch, never could.
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+1
4:05PM on 07/22/2013

So guilty

Maybe in the beginning she was OK. But has been coasting on whatever she had for decades now. She is an annoying diva. It's sad to watch her pretend her music is good or that she has really had any talent to begin with.
Maybe in the beginning she was OK. But has been coasting on whatever she had for decades now. She is an annoying diva. It's sad to watch her pretend her music is good or that she has really had any talent to begin with.
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3:50PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty!

With the exception of a few movies that she is in that I like, her over all career sucks ass. She has shown traces of talent in Out of Sight, U Turn, The Cell, and Selena but her career is just marginally better than Cameron Diaz, which is not saying much.
With the exception of a few movies that she is in that I like, her over all career sucks ass. She has shown traces of talent in Out of Sight, U Turn, The Cell, and Selena but her career is just marginally better than Cameron Diaz, which is not saying much.
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3:26PM on 07/22/2013
Complete Isolation from humanity. Had some good ones like Out of sight and Selena, but she hasn't been trying at all as of the past decade.
Complete Isolation from humanity. Had some good ones like Out of sight and Selena, but she hasn't been trying at all as of the past decade.
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3:12PM on 07/22/2013
She's not over exposed and she's never attatached herself to a character or property that I like. Not Guilty.

The Cell was an incredible movie.
She's not over exposed and she's never attatached herself to a character or property that I like. Not Guilty.

The Cell was an incredible movie.
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10:02PM on 07/22/2013
Not over-exposed??? Maybe not these days, but have you forgotten that whole "Bennifer" nightmare from a few years back?
Not over-exposed??? Maybe not these days, but have you forgotten that whole "Bennifer" nightmare from a few years back?
3:07PM on 07/22/2013
Guilty of having an aggravatingly shrill voice and a grotesquerie of a shelf-arse.
Guilty of having an aggravatingly shrill voice and a grotesquerie of a shelf-arse.
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+1
2:07PM on 07/22/2013
First time commenting on one of these. GUILTY.

Selena was a long time ago, and she's barely reached that level of quality in her acting since. Parker was boring as all hell, and The Cell was awesome but largely because of the visuals. Not to mention her music sucks balls.

But yeah... dat ass. Definitely.
First time commenting on one of these. GUILTY.

Selena was a long time ago, and she's barely reached that level of quality in her acting since. Parker was boring as all hell, and The Cell was awesome but largely because of the visuals. Not to mention her music sucks balls.

But yeah... dat ass. Definitely.
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1:50PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

J-Lo is guilty as the common criminal. Selena required no acting, because she really wasn't singing. Well, the studio covers her flaws in music. There's no "studio tricks" to cover up her acting in movies. Name a big money making movie she's been apart of...
J-Lo is guilty as the common criminal. Selena required no acting, because she really wasn't singing. Well, the studio covers her flaws in music. There's no "studio tricks" to cover up her acting in movies. Name a big money making movie she's been apart of...
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1:38PM on 07/22/2013

guilty

She is god awful, u turn is her best role.
She is god awful, u turn is her best role.
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1:29PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

I haven't seen any of her movies, since her last good one...which was back in 1998 (Out of Sight). On another note, I sure do love dat ass!
I haven't seen any of her movies, since her last good one...which was back in 1998 (Out of Sight). On another note, I sure do love dat ass!
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+0
1:27PM on 07/22/2013

A RECURRING PROBLEM IN MOVIE JAIL.

I've been wanting to say this for a while now. And this is a perfect time because of J-Lo, who I think is guilty. A lot of times people defend the defendants saying "They've done more good than bad in the past" (a lot are found Not Guilty because of that statement). But I don't think Movie Jail is really about judging the whole career. Just read the verdicts. I think it's about where the careers are headed. J-Lo may have talent in her, but she clearly has no interest in using it in the near
I've been wanting to say this for a while now. And this is a perfect time because of J-Lo, who I think is guilty. A lot of times people defend the defendants saying "They've done more good than bad in the past" (a lot are found Not Guilty because of that statement). But I don't think Movie Jail is really about judging the whole career. Just read the verdicts. I think it's about where the careers are headed. J-Lo may have talent in her, but she clearly has no interest in using it in the near future. Maybe she'll start trying again when her music sales start to decrease, but that will be years from now.

I haven't seen PARKER, but it looks like a generic Jason Statham flick. That may be different from her usual work, but I don't think it's enough to defend her. I mean, it was meant to be a money-making popcorn flick... just like her rom-coms. I admit I found MONSTER-IN-LAW to be quite passable (thanks to Jane Fonda, Wanda Sykes and even Elaine Stritch (her screen-time is A LOT shorter than Lopez's)), and from what I remember of MAID IN MANHATTAN I didn't hate it, but BACK-UP PLAN was terrible, and WHAT TO EXPECT is literally one of the worst I've ever seen. And whenever people talk about OUT OF SIGHT and THE CELL, they don't talk about her performances in them.

Next week: Milla Jovovich.
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4:57PM on 07/23/2013
She was right for Out of Sight. Whether she's a good actress, she was the right one for that role at that time. There, I talked about her performance. Everyone was good in that movie though.
She was right for Out of Sight. Whether she's a good actress, she was the right one for that role at that time. There, I talked about her performance. Everyone was good in that movie though.
1:18PM on 07/22/2013

What!?!

JLo is an actress?!?!? Who knew???

If she's an "actress" then the verdict is very simple....GUILTY!
JLo is an actress?!?!? Who knew???

If she's an "actress" then the verdict is very simple....GUILTY!
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1:05PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty!

Selena was her only good role, and that was ages ago. She is absolutely guilty. But instead of sending her to Movie Jail, you can just send her to my room. I have a few ways of punishment I wouldn't mind trying on her... if you catch my drift.
Selena was her only good role, and that was ages ago. She is absolutely guilty. But instead of sending her to Movie Jail, you can just send her to my room. I have a few ways of punishment I wouldn't mind trying on her... if you catch my drift.
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+2
12:54PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

U-Turn is a guilty pleasure for me, Out of Sight is a genuinely good film... everything else on her CV is pure shit.
U-Turn is a guilty pleasure for me, Out of Sight is a genuinely good film... everything else on her CV is pure shit.
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12:39PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty...

Nothing to ad, just guilty.
Nothing to ad, just guilty.
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12:35PM on 07/22/2013
Guilty - to a degree. She's not as horrible as many other singers who have attempted an acting career, but it clearly isn't her thing either.
Guilty - to a degree. She's not as horrible as many other singers who have attempted an acting career, but it clearly isn't her thing either.
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12:28PM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

While she can be good (and on occasion great), the vast majority of her filmography is bland, and her acting in those movies is likewise. I find it amusing how the defense states that Ms. Lopez is "delivering on what people expect from her". That is precisely why she is guilty. She's (movie wise) only doing the bare minimum, and coasting by.

She can still rebound, but a year or two in movie jail and a new agent will help her get back to her earlier stuff (even if they weren't great, they
While she can be good (and on occasion great), the vast majority of her filmography is bland, and her acting in those movies is likewise. I find it amusing how the defense states that Ms. Lopez is "delivering on what people expect from her". That is precisely why she is guilty. She's (movie wise) only doing the bare minimum, and coasting by.

She can still rebound, but a year or two in movie jail and a new agent will help her get back to her earlier stuff (even if they weren't great, they were challenging and different).
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11:38AM on 07/22/2013
Throw her away and make her watch Gigli for the rest of her life.
Throw her away and make her watch Gigli for the rest of her life.
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11:30AM on 07/22/2013

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

So U-Turn (a good film) is prosecuted and Anaconda is on the defense? Are you snorting chlorine?....I think she's GUILTY as hell BTW....
So U-Turn (a good film) is prosecuted and Anaconda is on the defense? Are you snorting chlorine?....I think she's GUILTY as hell BTW....
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11:36AM on 07/22/2013
Yes I am. But U Turn is not a good movie while Anaconda is at least cheesy fun.
Yes I am. But U Turn is not a good movie while Anaconda is at least cheesy fun.
1:12PM on 07/22/2013
I agree kind of with Filmbuff85. U-Turn is the only Sean Penn film I can stomach (just because he's beaten down by life during the whole thing). Pass some of that chlorine, huh?
I agree kind of with Filmbuff85. U-Turn is the only Sean Penn film I can stomach (just because he's beaten down by life during the whole thing). Pass some of that chlorine, huh?
4:52PM on 07/23/2013
I like U-Turn, too. It is arguably Oliver Stone's worst, most WTF movie, built almost entirely out of plot convention and contrivance, but the cast (including Ms. Lopez) ably pull it off.
I like U-Turn, too. It is arguably Oliver Stone's worst, most WTF movie, built almost entirely out of plot convention and contrivance, but the cast (including Ms. Lopez) ably pull it off.
+0
11:14AM on 07/22/2013
Guilty. The Cell was kinda cool. But ya...time to warm up ol sparky.
Guilty. The Cell was kinda cool. But ya...time to warm up ol sparky.
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+0
10:27AM on 07/22/2013

GUILTY...Hot... But Guilty

If Movie Jail was real... she would be in solitary so not even other movie cons would have to see her.
If Movie Jail was real... she would be in solitary so not even other movie cons would have to see her.
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+2
10:07AM on 07/22/2013

GUILTY

she is a terrible actress and if it wasn't for her singing they would have never let her on the screen, she sucks something awful
she is a terrible actress and if it wasn't for her singing they would have never let her on the screen, she sucks something awful
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-1
10:04AM on 07/22/2013

Not Guilty

Going to hopelessly go against the grain on this one. I would have said guilty several years ago, and any year before that. I was sipping the Jenny haterade for a long while there. But with her relatively recent "comeback" for some reason I've grown to like her. The movies have mostly been misses, but I certainly don't mind sitting through them simply due to her presence.
Going to hopelessly go against the grain on this one. I would have said guilty several years ago, and any year before that. I was sipping the Jenny haterade for a long while there. But with her relatively recent "comeback" for some reason I've grown to like her. The movies have mostly been misses, but I certainly don't mind sitting through them simply due to her presence.
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11:12AM on 07/22/2013
Dude, what come back? lol
Dude, what come back? lol
12:42PM on 07/22/2013
Yeah, I know, haha. It's more that she's just "back" more than that she's had a "comeback". Tough to pull off a comeback with Monster-In-Law and The Back-Up Plan. Sure has become easy on the ol' eyes, though...
Yeah, I know, haha. It's more that she's just "back" more than that she's had a "comeback". Tough to pull off a comeback with Monster-In-Law and The Back-Up Plan. Sure has become easy on the ol' eyes, though...
9:44AM on 07/22/2013

GUILTY!!!

You know you're one foot in Jail when you have stuff like Anaconda on the defense side - and The Cell which was boring except for its visuals.
You know you're one foot in Jail when you have stuff like Anaconda on the defense side - and The Cell which was boring except for its visuals.
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+6
9:26AM on 07/22/2013

C'Mon Man

She is the worst of the worst. She had a promising film career as a somewhat respected actress until it turned out she was a total famewhore that just wanted to pump out as much mediocrity as possible (music, film and TV) to the idiot masses and make a kajillion dollars. She is about as much an artist as she is a fucking monkey. She is terrible in every way. She embodies all of the worst characteristics of our society. Guilt-fucking-T.
She is the worst of the worst. She had a promising film career as a somewhat respected actress until it turned out she was a total famewhore that just wanted to pump out as much mediocrity as possible (music, film and TV) to the idiot masses and make a kajillion dollars. She is about as much an artist as she is a fucking monkey. She is terrible in every way. She embodies all of the worst characteristics of our society. Guilt-fucking-T.
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9:26AM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

Guilty.
Guilty.
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9:20AM on 07/22/2013

Guilty.

Punishment ... death
...
by Snu Snu!
I will administer the sentence.
Punishment ... death
...
by Snu Snu!
I will administer the sentence.
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9:15AM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

For being such a household name, she hasnt done a movie that is worth her reputation
For being such a household name, she hasnt done a movie that is worth her reputation
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8:51AM on 07/22/2013

A music career can hurt - Guilty

I had such high hopes for her. Out of Sight is amazing and she is wonderful in it. I think the rom-coms appeal the the people that would like her music (pure speculation as I like neither) which is why she has more luck there, but she seems to put her efforts into her music than her movie choices. Who knows. She was amazingly miscast in An Unfinished Life. She could do a turn around, but likely won't.
I had such high hopes for her. Out of Sight is amazing and she is wonderful in it. I think the rom-coms appeal the the people that would like her music (pure speculation as I like neither) which is why she has more luck there, but she seems to put her efforts into her music than her movie choices. Who knows. She was amazingly miscast in An Unfinished Life. She could do a turn around, but likely won't.
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+1
8:51AM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

Hopefully they can find a jail cell big enough for her ass. And her ego.
Hopefully they can find a jail cell big enough for her ass. And her ego.
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8:43AM on 07/22/2013

jenny from the block

more like jenny in the clink
in the words of judge dredd.... GUILTY...
she's a guilty pleasure but hell she can't act to save her life, she can't sing to save her life, she can't dance to save her life, in fact the only thing she is good at is looking good while hopefully not moving, just a still image in her underwear or nude...
more like jenny in the clink
in the words of judge dredd.... GUILTY...
she's a guilty pleasure but hell she can't act to save her life, she can't sing to save her life, she can't dance to save her life, in fact the only thing she is good at is looking good while hopefully not moving, just a still image in her underwear or nude...
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8:43AM on 07/22/2013
She hasn't done anything I've liked since 2000, and that's being generous (Out of Sight was the last thing she really stood out in, which is just sad).
She hasn't done anything I've liked since 2000, and that's being generous (Out of Sight was the last thing she really stood out in, which is just sad).
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-1
8:33AM on 07/22/2013

Guilty

the only movie ive seen with her that i thought she did a good job as an actress was Parker
the only movie ive seen with her that i thought she did a good job as an actress was Parker
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8:23AM on 07/22/2013

100% Guilty.

Horrendous actress from the start.
Horrendous actress from the start.
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+4
8:17AM on 07/22/2013

GUILTY!

Gigli, Monster-in Law, The Back-up Plan and What to Expect When You're Expecting are more than enough to garner a guilty verdict. None of the movies on the defense are good enough to save her from Movie Jail. Couple that with her diva/bitch personality, you might want to put her in solitary confinement so the other inmates don't shank her.
Gigli, Monster-in Law, The Back-up Plan and What to Expect When You're Expecting are more than enough to garner a guilty verdict. None of the movies on the defense are good enough to save her from Movie Jail. Couple that with her diva/bitch personality, you might want to put her in solitary confinement so the other inmates don't shank her.
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