Latest Entertainment News Headlines

Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Justin Long!

12.28.2015

Movie Jail Banner

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

Justin Long

The Case

The Prosecution: Alvin and the Chipmunks movies, Comet, The Lookalike, Walking with Dinosaurs, A Case of You, Movie 43, Best Man Down, For a Good Time, Call..., After.Life, Planet 51, Going the Distance, Alpha and Omega, He's Just Not That Into You, Taking Chances, Battle for Terra, Serious Moonlight, The Break-Up, Herbie: Fully Loaded

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, although Justin Long is a decent enough actor and I've been a fan of him since his Ed days, his filmography is filled with questionable movies. The prosecution can look past some of his early roles in bad films, but his recent movies have also left a hell of a lot to be desired.

Lately Mr. Long has been appearing in smaller films such as Comet and The Lookalike, which haven't received fantastic reviews, however they look like masterpieces next to his awful Alvin and the Chipmunks flicks. The actor has also starred in bland rom-coms (Going the Distance, He's Just Not That Into You) and lazy comedies (Movie 43, Strange Wilderness), and has voiced roles in a number of subpar animated movies (Walking with Dinosaurs, Planet 51, Alpha and Omega, Battle for Terra).

Mr. Long wasn't the reason why those films were terrible, but we definitely need to do something about his poor movie choices, and the prosecution is recommending a sentence of no less than three months in Movie Jail.

He's Just Not That Into You Justin Long Ginnifer Goodwin

The Defense: Tusk, Ask Me Anything, iSteve, 10 Years, The Conspirator, Youth in Revolt, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Drag Me to Hell, Dodgeball, Live Free or Die Hard, Accepted, Dreamland, The Sasquatch Gang, Waiting..., Jeepers Creepers, Happy Campers, Galaxy Quest, Ed

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense will admit that my client doesn't have an impressive resume, but there's more than what meets the eye when it comes to his filmography. While Mr. Long has appeared in more than a few negatively reviewed movies and isn't known for his acting abilities, it's not like he's a big name actor who has the luxury of being picky with his film roles.

Although my client has played several leading roles over the course of his career, he's really shined in small roles and cameo appearances, like in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Idiocracy and Youth in Revolt. But the defense also thought Mr. Long did just fine in larger roles in movies such as Dodgeball and Live Free or Die Hard, and I appreciate the fact that he seems to have a thing for horror films (Tusk, Drag Me to Hell, Jeepers Creepers).

Mr. Long is only guilty of being a fairly recognizable working actor who is just taking the roles that are being offered to him, and the defense doubts the jury will want to lock him up.

Tusk Justin Long

IN CLOSING...

What do you think we should do with the former "Get a Mac" ad star? Does Mr. Long belong behind bars, or are you a fan of the actor? I ask you, the jury, is Justin Long GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip Justin Long

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

Toy Story Tim Allen

Tim Allen came out on top in last week's trial, with the jury finding the The Santa Clause star NOT GUILTY of all charges. Jury members said although Mr. Allen may not be a gifted actor and has appeared in multiple critically-panned movies, he's earned a pass with his 90s sitcom, and his roles in the Toy Story movies and Galaxy Quest.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan, Sharon Stone, Jessica Biel, Nick Swardson, Simon Kinberg, Alex & Stephen Kendrick, Eli Roth, Paranormal Activity Franchise (Halloween Edition), Kevin Hart

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes, Elijah Wood, Tarsem Singh, Reese Witherspoon, Burt Reynolds, Ed Helms, Sean Astin, Michael Polish, Kelsey Grammer, Queen Latifah, Mark Wahlberg, Vin Diesel, Barry Levinson, Aaron Eckhart, Luke Wilson, Martin Campbell, Blumhouse Productions, Tim Allen

UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson & Vince Vaughn

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

RECOMMENDED MOVIE NEWS

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

6:44PM on 12/29/2015

Not Guilty!

I think Justin Long is adorable, even as he begins to mature (well). He has a gift for self-deprecating slapstick and for playing the underdog you want to root for, while being both jaded and innocent. He's a working actor who I *wish* would get the opportunity for bigger and better leading roles. Don't hold his less-than-awesome paying jobs against him! I think he always pulls his weight on the screen.
I think Justin Long is adorable, even as he begins to mature (well). He has a gift for self-deprecating slapstick and for playing the underdog you want to root for, while being both jaded and innocent. He's a working actor who I *wish* would get the opportunity for bigger and better leading roles. Don't hold his less-than-awesome paying jobs against him! I think he always pulls his weight on the screen.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
6:01PM on 12/28/2015

Guilty!

I hate every single performance of his that I've seen. Even the films I kind of like he is clearly the worst part of them.
I hate every single performance of his that I've seen. Even the films I kind of like he is clearly the worst part of them.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
4:35PM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty

Even in the shittier movies i've found him to be a bright spot. I love Justin Long, although i wish he'd never agreed to voice Alvin.
Even in the shittier movies i've found him to be a bright spot. I love Justin Long, although i wish he'd never agreed to voice Alvin.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
+1
3:14PM on 12/28/2015

Guilty

A terrible actor making awful movies.
A poor man's Adam Sandler!
A terrible actor making awful movies.
A poor man's Adam Sandler!
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
1:15PM on 12/28/2015

Guilty

Most of his best efforts are outshined by better actors in the movie anyway.
Most of his best efforts are outshined by better actors in the movie anyway.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:28PM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty

Just from his girlfriend list alone he doesn't deserve to be on this list.
Just from his girlfriend list alone he doesn't deserve to be on this list.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
12:27PM on 12/28/2015

NOT GUILTY

He is never the reason some his movies might be considered subpar. He is a working actor so I cannot blame him for taking work. Let's hope he cameos in Jeepers Creepers 3 as he did in part 2.
He is never the reason some his movies might be considered subpar. He is a working actor so I cannot blame him for taking work. Let's hope he cameos in Jeepers Creepers 3 as he did in part 2.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
-1
11:14AM on 12/28/2015

Career average: 4.1/10.

His performances in GALAXY QUEST, DODGEBALL, HERBIE FULLY LOADED, THE BREAK-UP, ACCEPTED, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and OLD DOGS were good. His performances in DIE HARD 4, STRANGE WILDERNESS, ZACK & MIRI, DRAG ME TO HELL, ALPHA & OMEGA, WALKING WITH DINOSAURS and MOVIE 43 were unmemorable. I can't comment on PLANET 51 (I saw it dubbed) and the ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS franchise (his voice is altered too much to judge). Since I've never seen him give a bad performance and since he has managed to
His performances in GALAXY QUEST, DODGEBALL, HERBIE FULLY LOADED, THE BREAK-UP, ACCEPTED, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and OLD DOGS were good. His performances in DIE HARD 4, STRANGE WILDERNESS, ZACK & MIRI, DRAG ME TO HELL, ALPHA & OMEGA, WALKING WITH DINOSAURS and MOVIE 43 were unmemorable. I can't comment on PLANET 51 (I saw it dubbed) and the ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS franchise (his voice is altered too much to judge). Since I've never seen him give a bad performance and since he has managed to shine even in bad movies (WALKING WITH DINOSAURS is one of the worst I've ever seen), I vote Not Guilty.

Next week: Candice Bergen, Kristin Chenoweth, Alan Cumming, Elisha Cuthbert, Danny DeVito, Matt Dillon, Will Ferrell, Brad Fuller, Heather Graham, Melanie Griffith, Raja Gosnell, Don Johnson, Angelina Jolie, Jamie Kennedy, Ben Kingsley, Brian Levant, Eugene Levy, Lucy Liu, Robert Luketic, James Marsden, Neal Moritz, Amanda Peet, Sean Penn, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kelly Preston, Meg Ryan, Seann William Scott, Barry Sonnenfeld, Barbra Streisand or Patrick Warburton.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
10:42AM on 12/28/2015
Not guilty. He made Tusk enjoyable. And he's very funny in Accepted.
Not guilty. He made Tusk enjoyable. And he's very funny in Accepted.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
9:00AM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty...

based on the Mac commercials and Dodgeball alone.
based on the Mac commercials and Dodgeball alone.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:59AM on 12/28/2015

Not guilty

He's just as hit and miss as anybody else who have been featured on this article and found not guilty. He's another one of those who even if he is in a bad movie he's never the problem. I think what ultimately keeps him out of Movie Jail for me is that he can play things straight in movies like Waiting..... and then play oddball characters like in Walk Hard and Zack and Miri. He doesn't always try to hog the spotlight either, which I can respect.
He's just as hit and miss as anybody else who have been featured on this article and found not guilty. He's another one of those who even if he is in a bad movie he's never the problem. I think what ultimately keeps him out of Movie Jail for me is that he can play things straight in movies like Waiting..... and then play oddball characters like in Walk Hard and Zack and Miri. He doesn't always try to hog the spotlight either, which I can respect.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:46AM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty

Not guilty! Honestly this guy is good in everything he is in including some of the ones that were not so great. He is the redeeming quality in a movie. For a Good Time Call..., he was hilarious and the movie was very funny, Going the Distance is one the rare rom coms I did enjoy because of him. Right now, in my opinion he is far from guilty.
Not guilty! Honestly this guy is good in everything he is in including some of the ones that were not so great. He is the redeeming quality in a movie. For a Good Time Call..., he was hilarious and the movie was very funny, Going the Distance is one the rare rom coms I did enjoy because of him. Right now, in my opinion he is far from guilty.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
5:38PM on 12/28/2015
Right? For a generic formula-wise rom com, going the distance is hilarious.
Right? For a generic formula-wise rom com, going the distance is hilarious.
8:39AM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty

My take on it is I don't convict someone to movie jail for just being in a few bad movies. To get into movie jail you have to kinda MAKE a movie bad by your performance. I don't begrudge an actor for taking roles offered, everyone needs to work, right? Justin Long is a prolific actor in a way, he doesn't stand out, an dis not really a star. But he has a place in film. I recently saw him in The Conspirator and I was surprised at how well he could act. I say Not Guilty.
My take on it is I don't convict someone to movie jail for just being in a few bad movies. To get into movie jail you have to kinda MAKE a movie bad by your performance. I don't begrudge an actor for taking roles offered, everyone needs to work, right? Justin Long is a prolific actor in a way, he doesn't stand out, an dis not really a star. But he has a place in film. I recently saw him in The Conspirator and I was surprised at how well he could act. I say Not Guilty.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
8:00AM on 12/28/2015

Not Guilty

He's really all over the map on what movies he's chosen. Have always enjoyed him in everything that I've seen....
He's really all over the map on what movies he's chosen. Have always enjoyed him in everything that I've seen....
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:54AM on 12/28/2015
Not guilty. He's actually quite good in the right material and doesn't come across as annoying or anything.
Not guilty. He's actually quite good in the right material and doesn't come across as annoying or anything.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:55AM on 12/28/2015
For instance, I thought he was great in Waiting and that his character was very relatable.
For instance, I thought he was great in Waiting and that his character was very relatable.
+0
7:37AM on 12/28/2015
Weird choice in that he hasn't been in much lately. Don't think that's a reason for movie jail. The last things I remember him in are Tusk, Going the Distsnce, and a cameo in Funny people. He was good in all of them. I'm not sure if tusk was a goof movie, but he was. And going the distance is one of the funniest rom coms I've seen in awhile
Weird choice in that he hasn't been in much lately. Don't think that's a reason for movie jail. The last things I remember him in are Tusk, Going the Distsnce, and a cameo in Funny people. He was good in all of them. I'm not sure if tusk was a goof movie, but he was. And going the distance is one of the funniest rom coms I've seen in awhile
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
7:40AM on 12/28/2015
And movie 43 shouldn't count against its actors
And movie 43 shouldn't count against its actors
2:27PM on 12/28/2015
Why shouldn't it count?
Why shouldn't it count?
5:13PM on 12/28/2015
Because it's probably got the best cast of any film ever. But they were all tricked into being in the film. They were tricked into signing the contract, thinking it was something else, and couldn't get out of it when they found out what it actually was. So I just don't think it's really fair to hold the film against a "lesser" actor like Long, who's mainly a comedic actor, if you aren't going to also punish the "Oscar" actors like Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet and such.
Because it's probably got the best cast of any film ever. But they were all tricked into being in the film. They were tricked into signing the contract, thinking it was something else, and couldn't get out of it when they found out what it actually was. So I just don't think it's really fair to hold the film against a "lesser" actor like Long, who's mainly a comedic actor, if you aren't going to also punish the "Oscar" actors like Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet and such.
5:18PM on 12/28/2015
Of course none of the actors were good - well to be honest I've only seen like 15 mins of the film - but if actors could've made that film better - watchable - CERTAINLY they had some with enough quality to do it. But the film was so bad that no actor could make it watchable. So I don't think it should really go against them.
Of course none of the actors were good - well to be honest I've only seen like 15 mins of the film - but if actors could've made that film better - watchable - CERTAINLY they had some with enough quality to do it. But the film was so bad that no actor could make it watchable. So I don't think it should really go against them.
8:09PM on 12/28/2015
1) That's kind of like when an actors accepts a job just for a paycheck: Just because they don't care about the movie, it doesn't mean they don't have to try.
2) We would punish the Oscar actors if they had been in more bad movies (enough to justify a trial here).
3) I just checked and Justin was one of the producers of his segment, so he does deserve more punishment than his co-stars.
1) That's kind of like when an actors accepts a job just for a paycheck: Just because they don't care about the movie, it doesn't mean they don't have to try.
2) We would punish the Oscar actors if they had been in more bad movies (enough to justify a trial here).
3) I just checked and Justin was one of the producers of his segment, so he does deserve more punishment than his co-stars.
View All Comments

Latest Entertainment News Headlines


Top
Loading...

Featured Youtube Videos

Views and Counting