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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Kate Beckinsale!

Feb. 17, 2014by: Jesse Giroux

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Underworld series, Contraband, Total Recall, Everybody's Fine, Whiteout, Click, Van Helsing, Pearl Harbor, The Golden Bowl, Brokedown Palace

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, fans love Kate Beckinsale because she's a gorgeous actress who also has no problems throwing down in her movies. But in the past few years she has appeared in some terrible films, with the biggest offender being her awful Underworld series.

Miss Beckinsale had a pretty good thing going in the late 90s, appearing in well-received films like Much Ado About Nothing, Emma, and The Last Days of Disco. She also starred in the bomb Brokedown Palace, but for the most part, Miss Beckinsale's early films performed well in theaters, and critics enjoyed her performances.

But once her star started to get bigger though, the quality of her projects began to drop. Hell, her break-out film was the much-maligned Pearl Harbor. You could argue it would be insane for any actress getting her toes wet in Hollywood to pass on starring in a Michael Bay flick, but the prosecution believes regardless of the exposure she earned with the film, it probably didn't help Miss Beckinsale's career like she thought it would.

The real "big" moment in Miss Beckinsale's career though was starring in 2003's Underworld. Critics weren't kind to the film, but it did fairly well at the box office, and even better on DVD. If Miss Beckinsale only appeared in one or two of these films that would be one, however she has starred in three of these suckers, with a fourth on the way. There are many fans of the franchise, but does that mean the movies are good? Of course not. They're terrible films, and Miss Beckinsale really should have stopped after two, even though she does look very hot in black leather.

But Miss Beckinsale isn't only on trial for Underworld and its sequels. The defense will probably argue Van Helsing wasn't her fault, but it's still an awful movie. At least it's not as bad as Click or Whiteout though. Miss Beckinsale took a small break from acting in 2010 and 2011 to spend more time with her daughter. She returned in 2012, but were there really not better available roles besides playing Marky Mark's wife in Contraband? And did she only appear in Total Recall because it was directed by her husband? That's getting into Milla Jovovich territory, and since she was also previously up for Movie Jail, you probably already know how the prosecution feels about that actress.

The prosecution believes Miss Beckinsale has never given an outstanding performance in her movies, and her projects as of late have been very weak. She's a gorgeous actress, but her films have been ugly as hell, and the prosecution believes it's time we sent her sexy ass to Movie Jail.

The Defense: Underwold series, Nothing But the Truth, Fragments (Winged Creatures), Vacancy, Snow Angels, The Aviator, Tiptoes, Laurel Canyon, Serendipity, The Last Days of Disco, Shooting Fish, Cold Comfort Farm, Emma, Haunted, Much Ado About Nothing

Ladies and gentlemen, what more do you want from my client? She's hot, stars in multiple types of films, and seems like a decent person in her interviews. The prosecution argues Miss Beckinsale hasn't appeared in great films as of late. She has, but most of them have been smaller films. Miss Beckinsale gets a ton of attention for her Underworld movies, but she's done some excellent work unrelated to werewolves and vampires.

Nothing But the Truth didn't receive a theatrical release, but it's a damn fine movie featuring a great performance by my client. Miss Beckinsale was also very good in Tiptoes, even though the film itself isn't that fantastic. The prosecution says my client hasn't had an amazing performance, but there have been many instances where she's been one of the best parts of the film, like in Fragments, Serendipity, and Shooting Fish. While other actresses have stuck to one genre of films, my client has jumped around from drama to romance to action. Long story short: Miss Beckinsale has a ton of talent.

A big reason why the Underwold movies have been so successful is because of my client, and the defense strongly believes the films wouldn't have done as well at the box office without Miss Beckinsale. The prosecution compares her to Milla Jovovich, but the defense believes Miss Beckinsale's filmography is much better than Miss Jovovich's, who by the way, was declared not guilty by the jury when she took the stand. If Miss Jovovich doesn't belong in Movie Jail, why should my client rot in prison for similar crimes? If anything, Miss Beckinsale's Underworld films should be on trial, because the actress deserves a much better franchise.

There are many actresses who should be sent to jail, but Miss Beckinsale isn't one of them. The defense doubts the jury is going to send someone as talented and beautiful as Miss Beckinsale to Movie Jail.

IN CLOSING...

Should Miss Beckinsale be sent to Movie Jail because of Underworld, or has she done enough good work to make up for her vampire flicks? Has she earned a cell in prison, or does she just need a better agent? Is Kate Beckinsale GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

Annie Hall is heading to the slammer! Diane Keaton was declared GUILTY of all charges by the jury in last week's trial, and it wasn't a close vote at all. That's what you get when you star in films like The Big Wedding and Because I Said So. Some jury members said they never understood the love for Miss Keaton in the first place, but even those who are big fans of the actress had to admit her recent films have been horrible, and she deserves some time in jail.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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7:32AM on 02/19/2014

Guilty

How does being hot excuse one from being guilty? I've never understood that... I guess people are just pigs. I also realized I've never seen Beckinsale in anything I've liked, except for the Underworld movies, and even as a fan I think those are really unevenly paced and get pretty dumb. So even though she seems talented, I guess I'll have to say guilty.
How does being hot excuse one from being guilty? I've never understood that... I guess people are just pigs. I also realized I've never seen Beckinsale in anything I've liked, except for the Underworld movies, and even as a fan I think those are really unevenly paced and get pretty dumb. So even though she seems talented, I guess I'll have to say guilty.
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1:20PM on 02/18/2014
This article is so fuc*ed sometimes. Last weeks trial put a long standing actress away even though she had been in the classic godfather part 1 and 2 and then people are willing to let an actress off who for me hasn't been in anything remotely memorable or anything which would stand the test of time. Im beginning to wonder if this is a website for movie geeks at all, or just a lot of teenage boys getting chub on's for movie hottie of the week. Someone mentioned her presence, What presence?
This article is so fuc*ed sometimes. Last weeks trial put a long standing actress away even though she had been in the classic godfather part 1 and 2 and then people are willing to let an actress off who for me hasn't been in anything remotely memorable or anything which would stand the test of time. Im beginning to wonder if this is a website for movie geeks at all, or just a lot of teenage boys getting chub on's for movie hottie of the week. Someone mentioned her presence, What presence?
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-2
12:10PM on 02/18/2014
Nope. Never guilty. Her presence elevates any movie. Could never complain about her, even in crap.
Nope. Never guilty. Her presence elevates any movie. Could never complain about her, even in crap.
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10:28AM on 02/18/2014

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't put Kate in movie jail. But if I could chain her up in my basement... (I kid).
Kate Beckinsale is God's greatest gift to this planet. Blasphemy to put her on trial.
I wouldn't put Kate in movie jail. But if I could chain her up in my basement... (I kid).
Kate Beckinsale is God's greatest gift to this planet. Blasphemy to put her on trial.
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9:41AM on 02/18/2014
Not guilty, but put her husband on trial.
Not guilty, but put her husband on trial.
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9:36AM on 02/18/2014

GUILTY WITHOUT A DOUBT

Hasn't made a single good movie in ages. Is nothing but a crappy actress these days getting a paycheck from her horrible director husband. She is hot as hell but you are retarded if that is your only defense. She can do better and needs to serve time in movie jail to rethink her career.
Hasn't made a single good movie in ages. Is nothing but a crappy actress these days getting a paycheck from her horrible director husband. She is hot as hell but you are retarded if that is your only defense. She can do better and needs to serve time in movie jail to rethink her career.
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-2
11:02PM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty!

Not guilty, because Kate. #duh

Also, when the prosecution spends its time listing good movies by the actor on trial, you know they haven't got much of a case.
Not guilty, because Kate. #duh

Also, when the prosecution spends its time listing good movies by the actor on trial, you know they haven't got much of a case.
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8:51PM on 02/17/2014

HELL NO! YOU BETTER CUT HER LOOSE, AND FAST!

She's a GREAT action star, and LOVE seeing her do what she does! She looks good while kicking ass and that's enough to get her into heaven as far as I'm concerned.
She's a GREAT action star, and LOVE seeing her do what she does! She looks good while kicking ass and that's enough to get her into heaven as far as I'm concerned.
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8:46PM on 02/17/2014

Probation

She's guilty, but I sentence her to 1yr probation
She's guilty, but I sentence her to 1yr probation
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8:26PM on 02/17/2014

Not guilty

Even if she was it would only be guilty by association.
Even if she was it would only be guilty by association.
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7:34PM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

While "Whiteout" is awful, her performance isn't terrible, and even her worst performance ("Van Helsing") probably has more to do with a one dimensional character and convoluted plot than her abilities. More importantly she does jump genres with ease, and challenges herself, plus "Nothing But The Truth" is remarkable.
While "Whiteout" is awful, her performance isn't terrible, and even her worst performance ("Van Helsing") probably has more to do with a one dimensional character and convoluted plot than her abilities. More importantly she does jump genres with ease, and challenges herself, plus "Nothing But The Truth" is remarkable.
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+3
6:01PM on 02/17/2014
Shouldn't even be on trial, so definitely not guilty. She's scorchingly hot and a very talented actress who's demonstrated a very wide range in action, horror, and drama.
Shouldn't even be on trial, so definitely not guilty. She's scorchingly hot and a very talented actress who's demonstrated a very wide range in action, horror, and drama.
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5:56PM on 02/17/2014
Not Guilty....She has made enough shitty movies, that she is not an A-LIST actress, she is definitely a B-Lister to me....that being said, I think she could used some Movie Jail Counseling
Not Guilty....She has made enough shitty movies, that she is not an A-LIST actress, she is definitely a B-Lister to me....that being said, I think she could used some Movie Jail Counseling
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+4
5:22PM on 02/17/2014

Not guilty

oh hell no.
oh hell no.
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4:13PM on 02/17/2014

GUILTY!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!

Being hot is no excuse for the shitty career decisions she's made. Her God awful underworld series is proof of that, with maybe the best one (Rise of the Lycans) not having her in it. I think her acting chops are fairly good FWLIW, but she's made so many Colin Farrel-like decisions there's no hope for her career. She'll only be remembered for her mediocrity.
Being hot is no excuse for the shitty career decisions she's made. Her God awful underworld series is proof of that, with maybe the best one (Rise of the Lycans) not having her in it. I think her acting chops are fairly good FWLIW, but she's made so many Colin Farrel-like decisions there's no hope for her career. She'll only be remembered for her mediocrity.
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2:36PM on 02/17/2014

lazerscope

Wow, I must say although I haven't seen enough movies of hers to lean one way or the other, the defense makes a very passionate, well-thought statement....
Wow, I must say although I haven't seen enough movies of hers to lean one way or the other, the defense makes a very passionate, well-thought statement....
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1:04PM on 02/17/2014
Oh fuck no, not guilty
Oh fuck no, not guilty
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12:42PM on 02/17/2014

noah

too hot to be guilty so NOT!
too hot to be guilty so NOT!
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11:38AM on 02/17/2014

guilty

No charisma. Totally overrated...
No charisma. Totally overrated...
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+10
11:31AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

Clearly a case of a prosecution out of control.
Clearly a case of a prosecution out of control.
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-3
11:14AM on 02/17/2014

OBJECTION!

Your Honour, whenever a movie or franchise appears in both the Prosecution and Defense is because it's bad and popular. But none of the UNDERWORLD movies have actually been that big of a box office hit. And the people who consider them "so bad they're good" are a fraction of the people who think that of RESIDENT EVIL. Seriously, everytime a new installment is about to come out people I know and people online react in awe. There's no reason to keep making them. The first one was bad but
Your Honour, whenever a movie or franchise appears in both the Prosecution and Defense is because it's bad and popular. But none of the UNDERWORLD movies have actually been that big of a box office hit. And the people who consider them "so bad they're good" are a fraction of the people who think that of RESIDENT EVIL. Seriously, everytime a new installment is about to come out people I know and people online react in awe. There's no reason to keep making them. The first one was bad but forgettable. All 3 sequels (even the one Kate doesn't appear in) are in my All-Time Worst list.

"If Miss Jovovich doesn't belong in Movie Jail, why should my client rot in prison for similar crimes?". Because Kate actually has acting talent and she wastes it (a worse movie crime than not having talent at all). She showed it in NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. And she ranged from decent to tolerable in PEARL HARBOR, SERENDIPITY, CLICK, VACANCY and TOTAL RECALL. But since when is being passable in mostly bad movies a sign of a good career? Plus, her lazy performance only made WHITEOUT worse than it already was. Finally, THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO is overrated crap.

Thank you so much for putting on trial 2 of my suggestions back-to-back.
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+7
11:12AM on 02/17/2014
Not guilty. I object to the fact that she's even on this farce of a trial. Personally, I'm a big fan of the first and second Underworld movies, no small part down to Kate who I think is very good in those two. Snow Angels is great and I'd say all of the ones on the defense that I've seen have been very good films too.

And she was great in Total Recall, one of the only good things about that movie.
Not guilty. I object to the fact that she's even on this farce of a trial. Personally, I'm a big fan of the first and second Underworld movies, no small part down to Kate who I think is very good in those two. Snow Angels is great and I'd say all of the ones on the defense that I've seen have been very good films too.

And she was great in Total Recall, one of the only good things about that movie.
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11:05AM on 02/17/2014

IF the glove don't fit you must acquit

Kate plead the 5th and run out with your bags of money...
Kate plead the 5th and run out with your bags of money...
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+4
10:23AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

She wasn't the problem with Total Recall, at all.
She wasn't the problem with Total Recall, at all.
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10:13AM on 02/17/2014

No

but she needs to stop working with Adam Sandler and Len Wiseman.
but she needs to stop working with Adam Sandler and Len Wiseman.
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9:58AM on 02/17/2014

Don't be silly.

Not guilty.
Not guilty.
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+2
9:39AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

Beckinsale is infallible.
Beckinsale is infallible.
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+3
9:28AM on 02/17/2014

NOT GUILTY

This may make me a horrible citizen, but she is too hot to place in Movie Jail.
This may make me a horrible citizen, but she is too hot to place in Movie Jail.
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9:25AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty...

Yes I do think she's smoking hot but that's not why I give that verdict. She has chosen a couple shitty roles here and there in the past but amongst those are also some incredible acting roles in smaller films. Also she was the ONLY good thing about the TOTAL RECALL remake, everyone else put no effort into it. She can act very well when given a meaty role.
Yes I do think she's smoking hot but that's not why I give that verdict. She has chosen a couple shitty roles here and there in the past but amongst those are also some incredible acting roles in smaller films. Also she was the ONLY good thing about the TOTAL RECALL remake, everyone else put no effort into it. She can act very well when given a meaty role.
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9:08AM on 02/17/2014

GUILTY

She may have the best backside ever known to man but she can't act.
She may have the best backside ever known to man but she can't act.
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8:53AM on 02/17/2014

not guilty

If you do I want to share a cell with her.

I class Underworld as "Twilight but good"
If you do I want to share a cell with her.

I class Underworld as "Twilight but good"
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8:51AM on 02/17/2014
Fuck me she's gorgeous...Ahem...Not Guilty.
Fuck me she's gorgeous...Ahem...Not Guilty.
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8:40AM on 02/17/2014

'Hot' doesn't make her 'good'

Guilty! Just because she is Hot doesn't give her the get out of jail free card. Cant think of one decent movie she has made and continually works with her equally talentless director husband who's only function in Hollywood is to make bland flicks which are just money makers.
Guilty! Just because she is Hot doesn't give her the get out of jail free card. Cant think of one decent movie she has made and continually works with her equally talentless director husband who's only function in Hollywood is to make bland flicks which are just money makers.
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8:18AM on 02/17/2014
I personally don't have a problem with her. I did echo a couple of weeks ago the desire to put her on trial, because there are people who think she deserved a day in court and have been saying so for months, and I think there exists a better case against her than many of those that have been put on trial, but that doesn't mean she's guilty.
I personally don't have a problem with her. I did echo a couple of weeks ago the desire to put her on trial, because there are people who think she deserved a day in court and have been saying so for months, and I think there exists a better case against her than many of those that have been put on trial, but that doesn't mean she's guilty.
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8:09AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^
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7:55AM on 02/17/2014

not guilty

I still think she's a great actress, enough said.
I still think she's a great actress, enough said.
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7:54AM on 02/17/2014

Not guilty

I feel the same way about her as I do about Jennifer Garner. She is never the problem of the movies she stars in.
I feel the same way about her as I do about Jennifer Garner. She is never the problem of the movies she stars in.
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7:44AM on 02/17/2014

Not Guilty

Seriously? How is this even a question?
Seriously? How is this even a question?
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7:43AM on 02/17/2014
Not guilty. She's yummy as all heck and has been at the top of my celebrity crush list for ages but besides that, she's a decent actress and is nowhere near as wooden as someone like Milla Jovovich, who would be a direct contemporary in terms of carrying an action franchise. She gave a strong dramatic performance in Nothing But the Truth and did good supporting work in The Aviator. Even in Total Recall, I thought she was great as the sneering b*tch; that was entertaining.
Not guilty. She's yummy as all heck and has been at the top of my celebrity crush list for ages but besides that, she's a decent actress and is nowhere near as wooden as someone like Milla Jovovich, who would be a direct contemporary in terms of carrying an action franchise. She gave a strong dramatic performance in Nothing But the Truth and did good supporting work in The Aviator. Even in Total Recall, I thought she was great as the sneering b*tch; that was entertaining.
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7:36AM on 02/17/2014
Nope, she's only guilty of marrying a dick.
Nope, she's only guilty of marrying a dick.
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