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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Kevin James!

05.19.2014

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Grown Ups 2, Zookeeper, The Dilemma, Grown Ups, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Barnyard

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Kevin James has made a career out of playing the exact same character in most of his projects, and almost all of his movies have been critically panned. If there's one actor who definitely should be tossed into Movie Jail, it's Mr. James.

Mr. James has one very ugly filmography, and it's easy to see why things have gone so wrong for the actor: he never should have hooked up with Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions. The Grown Ups flicks are lazy, terrible films, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is more offensive than funny, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop...well, the prosecution is currently seeking therapy because of how much he hates that movie. Mr. James also helped write Paul Blart and Zookeeper, so it's not as if you can really put the blame on someone else for those films.

The prosecution will argue Mr. James' movies have done well at the box office, and there are many people who are fans of the actor. But that's like saying a crappy musician should get a free pass just because he's sold millions of albums. It also seems like Mr. James chases paychecks instead of quality projects, which is a big no-no in the prosecution's book.

Mr. James is a likable actor, but there's not really much to like about his films, or his performances in them. Sending Mr. James to Movie Jail is the right thing to do, and the prosecution believes the jury will feel the same way.

The Defense: Hotel Transylvania, Here Comes the Boom, Monster House, Hitch

Ladies and gentlemen, yes, most critics hate Mr. James' films (only two of his movies are considered "fresh" at Rotten Tomatoes), but the audience ratings for his movies tell a different story: 69% for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, 63% for Grown Ups. It's not like Mr. James is trying to create art with his films. They are meant for people who just like movies, not film nerds who go to sites like JoBlo.com. Maybe he's not "cool" or "edgy," but that's not a reason to throw him into Movie Jail.

My point is many do enjoy Mr. James' films, and for the record, he's usually pretty damn good in them as well. He's a solid actor and comedian, and most of the time the problems have been the movie itself, and not my client. The jury may dislike Paul Blart and Zookeeper, but is Mr. James really the reason why those films are so awful? The defense doesn't think so. My client isn't a horrible actor, and the defense thinks he would do a great job in a dramedy, or at least something a little less slapsticky.

The defense also thought Mr. James was great in Hitch and Here Comes the Boom, a movie much better than you'd expect. Are they cinematic masterpieces? No, but they are still very solid comedies. In addition, the defense feels Mr. James has done decent work in animated films (Monster House, Hotel Transylvania), and would love to see him do more voice work.

The defense understand why Mr. James is being considered for Movie Jail, however I also doesn't think he deserves to be sent to prison.

IN CLOSING...

Should we lock Mr. James up with his Grown Ups buddies Adam Sandler and David Spade, or do you think sending him to Movie Jail is too harsh of a sentence? Do you think he deserves a slap on the wrist and a second chance, or a cot in a prison cell? Is Kevin James GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?

COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VERDICT!

*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?

LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

It was a close vote in last week's trial, but Spike Lee has been found GUILTY of all charges. Although it seems many jury members decided Mr. Lee's fate based on their own personal opinion on the director, his recent movies certainly didn't help him either. Maybe Mr. Lee will film a documentary about his experience in Movie Jail.

PREVIOUS VERDICTS

GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin

Extra Tidbit: Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!
Source: JoBlo.com

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8:33PM on 05/20/2014

As guilty as any defendant EVER!

Kevin James has yet to be in a single interesting film and frankly he has never even been close to the best part of all of those bad movies. He was fine on "King of Queens" but really that show was watchable because of Jerry Stiller and Patton Oswalt. I don't think James is either funny enough or a good enough actor to ever make anything but garbage and he isn't talented enough to ever play a character other than the same thing he's done up until now. James is the most guilty person that has
Kevin James has yet to be in a single interesting film and frankly he has never even been close to the best part of all of those bad movies. He was fine on "King of Queens" but really that show was watchable because of Jerry Stiller and Patton Oswalt. I don't think James is either funny enough or a good enough actor to ever make anything but garbage and he isn't talented enough to ever play a character other than the same thing he's done up until now. James is the most guilty person that has ever been on this column...everything he's done until now makes him guilty and there is no hope of any redeemable performances in the future.
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5:15AM on 05/20/2014
My first memory of him was when I first saw the sitcom King of Queens. Since then he has pretty much played the same character in different situations but you gotta give it to the man, he is consistent. His last 3 movies shame Sandlers 3 last so I say not guilty.

You know what your going to get, so if you don't like his shit then don't watch it.
My first memory of him was when I first saw the sitcom King of Queens. Since then he has pretty much played the same character in different situations but you gotta give it to the man, he is consistent. His last 3 movies shame Sandlers 3 last so I say not guilty.

You know what your going to get, so if you don't like his shit then don't watch it.
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7:14PM on 05/19/2014

Enough of Happy Madison

We all know every guy involved in any of the Happy Madison movies are going to be guilty here. Can we please move on from them? I don't think Rob Schneider deserves to even be considered for future installments.

As for guilty/innocent. Jay Beezy said it best. All he knows is fat guy falls down. Guilty.

We all know every guy involved in any of the Happy Madison movies are going to be guilty here. Can we please move on from them? I don't think Rob Schneider deserves to even be considered for future installments.

As for guilty/innocent. Jay Beezy said it best. All he knows is fat guy falls down. Guilty.

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8:01PM on 05/19/2014
Even Chris Rock? That would be an interesting trial. But you're right about Schneider because he hasn't had a lead movie role in years.
Even Chris Rock? That would be an interesting trial. But you're right about Schneider because he hasn't had a lead movie role in years.
8:42PM on 05/20/2014
Vits- Chris Rock is the greatest standup of the late 90's/early 2000's; basically the comedy voice of a generation but when it comes to film work he is very guilty. He is an awful actor and has never found a filmmaker that could put his unique voice into a quality film. CB4 and Nurse Betty are the only performances that are anywhere near interesting or standout from the crowd. I would venture to say Rock is just not a film actor, although the Chris Rock Show was amazing but it was much
Vits- Chris Rock is the greatest standup of the late 90's/early 2000's; basically the comedy voice of a generation but when it comes to film work he is very guilty. He is an awful actor and has never found a filmmaker that could put his unique voice into a quality film. CB4 and Nurse Betty are the only performances that are anywhere near interesting or standout from the crowd. I would venture to say Rock is just not a film actor, although the Chris Rock Show was amazing but it was much easier to allow his voice to come through on a show that was basically Rock talking and a few skits that were written with some of the greatest comedy writers of all time. I think he would be found just as guilty as any other Happy Madison member, hell Spade is less guilty than Rock!
+0
6:50PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

He's a really funny stand-up comedian. Unfortunately, this isn't Stand-Up Jail, it's Movie Jail. So off to the stockades he goes.

Tidbit: Given that "Maleficent" is coming out next week, here's hoping my long-time suggestion of Angelina Jolie will finally see the light of day.
He's a really funny stand-up comedian. Unfortunately, this isn't Stand-Up Jail, it's Movie Jail. So off to the stockades he goes.

Tidbit: Given that "Maleficent" is coming out next week, here's hoping my long-time suggestion of Angelina Jolie will finally see the light of day.
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7:59PM on 05/19/2014
We should wait until it's out because it could be good.
We should wait until it's out because it could be good.
+2
5:59PM on 05/19/2014
I thought he was serving a triple life sentence already.
I thought he was serving a triple life sentence already.
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+1
5:25PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

Easiest call ever.. so guilty
Easiest call ever.. so guilty
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4:40PM on 05/19/2014

he's almost beyond the jurisdiction of this court

He basically walks onto roles tossed to him by his friends. He puts in a serviceable performance, but the films are almost all crap (Boom was okay). But really - if somebody handed you a 7 figure check to be in a movie, would you turn it down? It's not like he's waiting to turn in an "Awakenings" project. He's a mildly amusing physical comedian who was blessed with amazing Hollywood connections. It's like winning the lottery – I can't blame him. Sandler on the other hand, he can be strung up
He basically walks onto roles tossed to him by his friends. He puts in a serviceable performance, but the films are almost all crap (Boom was okay). But really - if somebody handed you a 7 figure check to be in a movie, would you turn it down? It's not like he's waiting to turn in an "Awakenings" project. He's a mildly amusing physical comedian who was blessed with amazing Hollywood connections. It's like winning the lottery – I can't blame him. Sandler on the other hand, he can be strung up for sure.
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4:00PM on 05/19/2014
ummm...JAIL of course
ummm...JAIL of course
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3:44PM on 05/19/2014

not guilty

I'd recommend probation if it was an option because I feel Kevin James' best is yet to come. If he's guilty then its 'by association' as other posters have pointed out because I can't bring myself to hate him. He really does his best even with the worst material given.

Hey, does anyone remember Barnyard? Loved it!

I'd recommend probation if it was an option because I feel Kevin James' best is yet to come. If he's guilty then its 'by association' as other posters have pointed out because I can't bring myself to hate him. He really does his best even with the worst material given.

Hey, does anyone remember Barnyard? Loved it!

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3:11PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

while some of his films are entertaining in their own right, I've never seen a Kevin James movie I would define as "good". So sayeth the council of Krypton: Guilty!
while some of his films are entertaining in their own right, I've never seen a Kevin James movie I would define as "good". So sayeth the council of Krypton: Guilty!
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2:47PM on 05/19/2014

Hang'm high

So guilty that I question the people constantly giving him lead roles.
So guilty that I question the people constantly giving him lead roles.
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2:42PM on 05/19/2014
Really obviously guilty.
Really obviously guilty.
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+1
2:30PM on 05/19/2014
Kevin James doesn't belong in movie jail… he belongs on fucking movie death row!


(And I'm speaking metaphorically, not literally, so relax…)
Kevin James doesn't belong in movie jail… he belongs on fucking movie death row!


(And I'm speaking metaphorically, not literally, so relax…)
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1:54PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

The existence of this article is the only time Kevin James has made me laugh.
The existence of this article is the only time Kevin James has made me laugh.
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1:08PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

This is one of the easiest movie jail choices in a while for me.
This is one of the easiest movie jail choices in a while for me.
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12:53PM on 05/19/2014
I have nothing against James as a person or an actor, but holy fucking hell are his movies just downright abysmal. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is disgusting and makes my blood boil... and it's not even the worst movie he's in!
I have nothing against James as a person or an actor, but holy fucking hell are his movies just downright abysmal. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is disgusting and makes my blood boil... and it's not even the worst movie he's in!
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12:42PM on 05/19/2014

We are talking cinematic death row, here...

That you are reduced to citing garbage like 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry' and 'Grownups' for the DEFENSE, should tell you where this discussion is heading. That you beg for mercy on the account that Kevin James ISN'T THE REASON HIS MOVIES ARE SO AWFUL! Wow. Just...wow. Worst. Defense. Ever. Guilty.
That you are reduced to citing garbage like 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry' and 'Grownups' for the DEFENSE, should tell you where this discussion is heading. That you beg for mercy on the account that Kevin James ISN'T THE REASON HIS MOVIES ARE SO AWFUL! Wow. Just...wow. Worst. Defense. Ever. Guilty.
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+1
12:33PM on 05/19/2014

Guilty for possibly a nice guy.

Kevin James seems like a really nice guy, a celebrity who I feel doesn't walk around acting like his shit doesn't stink. However, there are only 2 films listed on his defense which I feel are worthy of being good, Monster House and Hitch.
Could someone introduce Kevin to Seth Rogen and his buddies?
Kevin James seems like a really nice guy, a celebrity who I feel doesn't walk around acting like his shit doesn't stink. However, there are only 2 films listed on his defense which I feel are worthy of being good, Monster House and Hitch.
Could someone introduce Kevin to Seth Rogen and his buddies?
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11:37AM on 05/19/2014

So guilty I can't even believe it...

HOW is it even a question? I literally can't think of a single live-action film of his that I've enjoyed. The Grown Ups movies alone make this a cut-and-dried trial.
HOW is it even a question? I literally can't think of a single live-action film of his that I've enjoyed. The Grown Ups movies alone make this a cut-and-dried trial.
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11:20AM on 05/19/2014

Not Guilty as an actor, but Guilty of making the wrong friends!

I know Mr. James is going to end up behind bars but I have to admit that I'm a big fan, mostly because I grew up getting home from school and laughing my as off at Doug Heffernan and Arthur Spooner. I liked Paul Blart even with all of the hokey jokes.I thought he had a solid role in The Dilemma even though the movie was sub par. Enjoyed Hitch and Here comes the Boom, and parts of Chuck and Larry. However, both Grown Ups films are extremely lazy especially the latter which was almost
I know Mr. James is going to end up behind bars but I have to admit that I'm a big fan, mostly because I grew up getting home from school and laughing my as off at Doug Heffernan and Arthur Spooner. I liked Paul Blart even with all of the hokey jokes.I thought he had a solid role in The Dilemma even though the movie was sub par. Enjoyed Hitch and Here comes the Boom, and parts of Chuck and Larry. However, both Grown Ups films are extremely lazy especially the latter which was almost unwatchable. Same goes for The Zookeeper. His animated work has been pretty good as a far as I'm concerned. With all that said, I'm hoping he can get some serious roles in the future. I think he is a pretty good actor when he isn't burping and farting for Sandler and I wanna see him in some different roles.
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+0
11:11AM on 05/19/2014
I say Guilty, but On Probation.

Kevin James is a funny and really likable guy, it's just that his movies haven't really taken advantage of his talent. Here Comes The Boom was alright and I didn't outright hate the Grown Ups films (they made me laugh, and that was enough). Paul Blart was meh, but it wasn't his fault, he was as likable as always, but the material itself was nothing special.

James needs to get away from the Sandler crew and start to stretch in his roles. It'd be great to see
I say Guilty, but On Probation.

Kevin James is a funny and really likable guy, it's just that his movies haven't really taken advantage of his talent. Here Comes The Boom was alright and I didn't outright hate the Grown Ups films (they made me laugh, and that was enough). Paul Blart was meh, but it wasn't his fault, he was as likable as always, but the material itself was nothing special.

James needs to get away from the Sandler crew and start to stretch in his roles. It'd be great to see him do a dramatic part. Much like I feel about Steve Carrell, he'd probably do wonders in straight (or semi-straight) parts rather than trying to be funny outright.

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10:55AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty :(

First off, completely shocked by the Spike Lee verdict! Regarding Mr. James, however, I reluctantly vote guilty. His track record for movies have been pretty bad. I give him kudos for King of Queens and Here Comes the Boom, but I don't think it's enough. Maybe if he had 1 or 2 more good films under his belt, it would be fine, but sadly that isn't the case.
First off, completely shocked by the Spike Lee verdict! Regarding Mr. James, however, I reluctantly vote guilty. His track record for movies have been pretty bad. I give him kudos for King of Queens and Here Comes the Boom, but I don't think it's enough. Maybe if he had 1 or 2 more good films under his belt, it would be fine, but sadly that isn't the case.
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10:52AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

If I could never see him again I'd be happy. Watch a clip of his sneeze-fart-burp from Grown Ups 2 and tell me he deserves a career
If I could never see him again I'd be happy. Watch a clip of his sneeze-fart-burp from Grown Ups 2 and tell me he deserves a career
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+1
10:44AM on 05/19/2014

I'll forget he's my man crush and vote objectively.

Remember the Jack Black trial? It's the same thing with Kevin: He's not always funny but he always gives it his all. It's been said already that it's mostly the material's fault. Yes, he wrote the bad HERE COMES THE BOOM (one of his best performances), the awful ZOOKEEPER and my guilty pleasure PAUL BLART, but he also wrote several episodes of THE KING OF QUEENS and an episode of EVERBODY LOVES "RAYMOND". And he didn't write GROWN UPS 1 & 2 (they would've sucked with or without him).

Most
Remember the Jack Black trial? It's the same thing with Kevin: He's not always funny but he always gives it his all. It's been said already that it's mostly the material's fault. Yes, he wrote the bad HERE COMES THE BOOM (one of his best performances), the awful ZOOKEEPER and my guilty pleasure PAUL BLART, but he also wrote several episodes of THE KING OF QUEENS and an episode of EVERBODY LOVES "RAYMOND". And he didn't write GROWN UPS 1 & 2 (they would've sucked with or without him).

Most people just remember him doing fat jokes but he's proven that he can do drama. That's why his best performance was in HITCH and he was algo very good in THE DILEMMA (a bad movie that actually had potential). On the other hand, he should know by now which movies are gonna be bad just by reading the script. He wasn't bad in "CHUCK" & "LARRY" but he shoud've noticed it was homophobic disguised as pro-gay.

I say House Arrest. He needs a light punishment to make him see his mistakes. Once he has learned how to choose movies, he'll shine as a good comedian. Also, just like Chris Rock, he'll prove that Adam Sandler is a bug who brings talented people down with him.
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10:41AM on 05/19/2014

Oy Vey!

Guilty as the day is long!
Guilty as the day is long!
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-3
10:22AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

Poor Spike. Still love you, brother. Well, this week I have few problems voting guilty. I mean, there's a viable market for what James does in his own movies (as opposed to what Sandler does in his [link] grabs)... but I'd be a happy man if I never had to see James' face in my cineplex again. Maybe we can be relatively merciful and give him a cell with Spade and Sandler?
Poor Spike. Still love you, brother. Well, this week I have few problems voting guilty. I mean, there's a viable market for what James does in his own movies (as opposed to what Sandler does in his [link] grabs)... but I'd be a happy man if I never had to see James' face in my cineplex again. Maybe we can be relatively merciful and give him a cell with Spade and Sandler?
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10:06AM on 05/19/2014
Thoroughly guilty. All of Sandler's pals have to spend a good long while in a deep, dark hole in the ground, reflecting on what they've done. All of them.
Thoroughly guilty. All of Sandler's pals have to spend a good long while in a deep, dark hole in the ground, reflecting on what they've done. All of them.
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9:59AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

For my sins I actually liked Paul Blart & loved King Of Queens but Sandler & Spader are quite rightfully about to be joined by another Grown Up. Surely can't be long before Rob Schneider joins them?
For my sins I actually liked Paul Blart & loved King Of Queens but Sandler & Spader are quite rightfully about to be joined by another Grown Up. Surely can't be long before Rob Schneider joins them?
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9:56AM on 05/19/2014
Guilty as fuck. The defense's case is shaky at best!
Guilty as fuck. The defense's case is shaky at best!
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9:54AM on 05/19/2014

Paul Blart: Mall Cop = Guilty

There's only room for one mall cop in film and his name is LaFours.
There's only room for one mall cop in film and his name is LaFours.
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9:35AM on 05/19/2014

So Guilty

All of the Happy Madison crew are tainted by those films, and Kevin James is no exception.
All of the Happy Madison crew are tainted by those films, and Kevin James is no exception.
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9:11AM on 05/19/2014

If Sandler goes down...

...Kevin James has no chance. Guilty.
...Kevin James has no chance. Guilty.
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9:06AM on 05/19/2014

Goddammit!!

GUILTY!!!
GUILTY!!!
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8:30AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty. He's beyond saving.

All he knows now is 'fat guy falls down'.
All he knows now is 'fat guy falls down'.
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8:04AM on 05/19/2014

Not guilty!!

After recently watching Here Comes the Boom, I was thinking that it's not Kevin Jame's fault most of his movies are gay, it's the scripts he's given. His biggest problem is the movies he's in try to emulate Adam Sandlers movie model, which sucks and is seriously outdated. Kevin James needs one good script/opportunity to shine in a more adult comedy. He just hasn't had the chance yet, which is too bad because the man is fucking funny.
After recently watching Here Comes the Boom, I was thinking that it's not Kevin Jame's fault most of his movies are gay, it's the scripts he's given. His biggest problem is the movies he's in try to emulate Adam Sandlers movie model, which sucks and is seriously outdated. Kevin James needs one good script/opportunity to shine in a more adult comedy. He just hasn't had the chance yet, which is too bad because the man is fucking funny.
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9:33AM on 05/19/2014
One thumb down for the use of the word 'gay' as an insult (check your calendar sometime), plus you missed the fact that James helped write those movies. He wrote those lousy jokes.
One thumb down for the use of the word 'gay' as an insult (check your calendar sometime), plus you missed the fact that James helped write those movies. He wrote those lousy jokes.
7:50AM on 05/19/2014

Guily

Sorry, but you're going to jail.
Sorry, but you're going to jail.
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7:50AM on 05/19/2014
Guilty. I admit I kinda like him in his TV show King of Queens. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry was tolerable. But his other movies as of late, particularly two Grown Up movies are bad. Not awfully bad - just plain bad. Guilty as charge.
Guilty. I admit I kinda like him in his TV show King of Queens. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry was tolerable. But his other movies as of late, particularly two Grown Up movies are bad. Not awfully bad - just plain bad. Guilty as charge.
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7:47AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty

Without a doubt, Guilty.
Without a doubt, Guilty.
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7:47AM on 05/19/2014

Guilty!

He's guilty. As much as I loved him on King of Queens, he consistently chooses goofy films. I enjoyed Hitch and Chuck and Larry, but he's no Chris Farley.
He's guilty. As much as I loved him on King of Queens, he consistently chooses goofy films. I enjoyed Hitch and Chuck and Larry, but he's no Chris Farley.
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