Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Mark Wahlberg!
This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Prosecution: Ted 2, The Gambler, Transformers: Age of Extinction, Broken City, Contraband, The Lovely Bones, Max Payne, The Happening, We Own the Night, Shooter, The Truth About Charlie, Rock Star, Planet of the Apes, The Corruptor, Renaissance Man
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Mark Wahlberg has come a long way from his underwear modeling and Funky Bunch days, but with more than 20 years of acting under his belt, he's still not a strong actor. The prosecution's main issue with Mr. Wahlberg is that he is incredibly inconsistent with his performances. While he's had great turns in well-received films such as The Departed, The Fighter and Boogie Nights, he has also stunk it up plenty of times on the big screen, and we feel that he too often plays cool and tough guy characters.
Mr. Wahlberg has also starred in several critically panned movies. Transformers: Age of Extinction, Broken City, The Happening and Max Payne all have Rotten Tomatoes scores below 30%, and although they have their fans, critics haven't been that impressed with most of his crime and thriller films (Contraband, We Own the Night, Shooter) either.
Since Mr. Wahlberg has grown as an actor and, outside of a few projects, he's done a slightly better job as of late of avoiding bad movies, the prosecution isn't looking for a life sentence, but he does need to spend at least a couple of months in Movie Jail.
The Defense: Lone Survivor, 2 Guns, Pain & Gain, Ted, The Other Guys, The Fighter, Date Night, The Departed, Invincible, Four Brothers, I Heart Huckabees, The Italian Job, The Yards, The Perfect Storm, Three Kings, The Big Hit, Traveller, Fear, The Basketball Diaries
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Wahlberg doesn't exactly disappear into roles and some have been bashing his acting skills for years, however the defense doesn't believe he belongs in Movie Jail. If this trial was during his 2007 to 2009 run of bad films, perhaps the prosecution might have a case against my client, but he's had a good amount of success in recent years. Besides receiving high marks from most critics, Lone Survivor and The Fighter were also big hits at the box office, and as a producer, Mr. Wahlberg helped get both films off the ground.
Although Mr. Wahlberg is mostly known for his action roles, he's very underrated when it comes to comedy. The defense thought he was fantastic in Pain & Gain, The Big Hit (the prosecution is a big fan of that movie - deal with it), The Other Guys and I Heart Huckabees, and we would love to see him take more comedic roles.
My client's movies and his performances in them have been hit-or-miss, but he's not as bad of an actor as some people make him out to be, and we doubt most jury members will want to throw him in the clink.
Do you think we should lock Mr. Wahlberg up, or did you immediately go, "What? No!" when you saw that he's up for Movie Jail? Has the actor earned a prison stay, or should he remain a free man? Is Mark Wahlberg GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Long live the queen! Queen Latifah was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, with jury members saying although she doesn't always appear in the best movies, she's still a very talented actress, and that there also aren't a ton of quality roles being made for forty-year-old African American actresses.
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan, Sharon Stone, Jessica Biel, Nick Swardson, Simon Kinberg, Alex & Stephen Kendrick, Eli Roth
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes, Elijah Wood, Tarsem Singh, Reese Witherspoon, Burt Reynolds, Ed Helms, Sean Astin, Michael Polish, Kelsey Grammer, Queen Latifah
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson & Vince Vaughn
|Extra Tidbit:||Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!|